Advice from Self-Help and Personal Development Experts on How to Be Popular

How can a person become popular? How can a person overcome rejection, social awkwardness, and/or shyness to become a likeable, respectable individual? These are questions asked by people throughout history - and by people in every generation or age group. Here are some tips from people considered among the greatest authorities on the subjects of self-esteem and personal development.

1. Develop a Healthy Self-Image

"If you see yourself as unqualified, insignificant, unattractive, inferior, or inadequate, you will probably act in accordance with your thoughts," writes Joel Osteen, the popular pastor and bestselling author. "If your self-worth is low, you will imagine yourself as a born loser, a washout, unworthy of being loved and accepted."

To become popular and accepted socially, you must then first accept yourself. Ironically, this is where many people fall short. Yet, it's critical that you not neglect this. As Osteen warns, "You will never rise above the image you have of yourself in your own mind." If you expect others to view you positively, you must see yourself that way.

Joel Osteen, of course, recommends that you ground your healthy self-image in something tangible and concrete. For him, that means God. "You can change the image you have of yourself," explains Osteen. "How? Start by agreeing with God. Remember, God sees you as strong and courageous, as a man or woman of great honor and valor. He sees you as being more than a conqueror. Start seeing yourself as God sees you."

2. Cultivate Positive Thoughts

People don't like to hang around depressed people. They want to hang around people whose very company encourages them and interests them. If you're like the character Eeyore in the Winnie the Pooh cartoon, then you might not have that many people wanting to hang out with you.

David J. Schwartz, author of the classic bestseller The Magic of Thinking Big, tells of two "foremen" in your mind, which is a "thought factory." He writes:

Production in your thought factory is under the charger of two foremen, one of whom we will call Mr. Triumph and the other Mr. Defeat. Mr. Triumph is in charge of manufacturing positive thoughts. He specializes in producing reasons why you can, why you're qualified, why you will. The other foreman, Mr. Defeat, produces negative, depreciating thoughts. He is your expert in developing reasons why you can't, why you're weak, why you're inadequate. His specialty is the "why-you-will-fail" chain of thoughts.

The question is: Which foreman will you listen to?

3. Genuinely Care about Others

Jesus said that loving your neighbor was the second greatest commandment - the first being to love God. The apostle Paul wrote that we should "esteem others" better than ourselves. And Dale Carnegie, author of the all-time classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, wrote: "One can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them."

Of course, genuineness is the key here. If you're faking interest in others to get something out of them, then you are a fraud and you will be eventually revealed as such. You must genuinely and sincerely care about others and then express that interest in them in a warm, friendly, and engaging manner.

As Dale Carnegie wrote: "If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people - things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness."

4. Help Others Succeed

Motivational guru Zig Ziglar says that you "can do whatever you want to do if you help enough other people do what they want." Stephen Covey calls this a "Win-Win" in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

If you can master this step, it will remove jealousy from your spirit and truly make you the kind of person people love to be with. Why? Because you are pulling for them to succeed. You become a fan as well as a friend, and are thus no threat to their happiness, security, or welfare. Rather, you are an ally in their desire for those things.

5. Smile

This is one of the most basic, and yet overlooked ingredients of becoming a popular person. Learn to smile. Smile early and smile often. And don't stop smiling. Dale Carnegie wrote that "actions speak louder than words" and a person's smile is such an action. According to Carnegie, a smile says "I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you."

And don't offer up one of those fake, plastic smiles that people can see right through. Smile from your heart. Make it a genuine, warm, radiant smile. Nothing will attract people to you more.

6. Develop a Sense of Humor - especially with yourself

Learn to laugh - especially at yourself. This means that, if you make a mistake, be willing to accept the chuckles and laughter of others - even adding a few laughs yourself at your own expense.

What's more, if others make fun of you, learn to go along with it (to a point). Certainly, you needn't allow yourself to be abused and/or humiliated by others who are being mean-spirited or vindictive. However, in some cases, how you handle a little joking and/or ribbing (even if it's taken a bit far) will turn a negative into a positive.

In general, people like to laugh. And if they associate you with being able to laugh and have a good time, you will never lack for friends.

7. Be a Person of High Moral Character

Be honest and trustworthy. Be dependable. And don't use your relationships or friendships for personal gain at others' expense. This is where the Golden Rule particularly applies: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

The above seven steps should get you started on your road to personal empowerment, self-esteem, and popularity. Good luck.