"Celebrate Something...Anything" Days for October

October is of course, most noted for Halloween merriment. It is also Computer Learning Month and Crime Prevention Month. I was unaware, though, that October is the time to celebrate Month of the Dinosaurs, National Clock Month and National Popcorn Popping Month. I ask you...who comes up with these? I want their job!

I have decided since the odds are slim I probably will not find a paid job dreaming up monthly celebrations; I have to instigate and decree my own "Celebrate Something...Anything" days to observe in October. Watch for my $15 greeting cards at local flea markets and yard sales everywhere. A portion of my greeting card sales "will not" be donated to any cause...I simply cannot afford to do that.

Make Friends with Your Squirrels Day - October 9

I know people...these rodents shred your expensive "squirrel proof" bird feeders; tear holes in the screens to get to the seed on your porch, chew all the wiring to your home and blatantly stare you down when you threaten them with repulsive swear words. I feel the same as you, but I know, in my heart we can make friends with these ruthless backyard terrorists.

On October 9, walk right up to one of these little misjudged creatures and say, "I really want us to be buddies." Who knows what those seven profound words will do to change your world and theirs. Try it! "Make Friends with Your Squirrels Day" coloring pages are not available online right now and in all probability...never will be!

National Start a Revolt Day - October 12

If our predecessors could stage an historical upheaval in Boston Harbor over a lousy tax on tea, by God, we can find something worthwhile to revolt against on October 12. In this tumultuous time in America, there are countless existing problems to fuel a healthy revolution.

Just like the outraged tea party patriots cried, "Take your tea and shove it," you, too can fight back. On October 12, forget Columbus Day and scream from the rooftops the unfairness of people getting into the "5 items only" line when they clearly have "6" items. Stand your ground, gnash those teeth and refuse to let that "6 item" bandit intimidate you! Rip item "6" from their basket (or arms) and toss it over your shoulder in the true spirit of the famous Boston Tea Party.

Although that pack of gum seems small, it is still over the "5 items only" regulation so either put it back or lose the package of pork chops...it is your choice. We are not going to take it anymore! Let us make it the law!

Stop the Overuse of Ridiculous Business Terminology

Use "National Start a Revolt Day" to put an end to the overuse of business terminology like "critical," "globalized," "paradigm" and "solutioning." Tell the world you refuse to accept the word "opportunity" instead of the correct word, "problem" when used by your boss to describe the horrific mess you made of the company. "Opportunity" means "chance," which is what you will have to find a new job now that you have been fired.

The word "paradigm," which is usually followed by "shift," makes me nuts! Why, oh why, do we need to make a "paradigm shift" in the company? The company is on a downhill slide, so why not make a "radical change" as we did in the old days of standard communication. "Paradigm shift" sounds frightening, sort of like hearing, you have "Argyria" and having no idea what it means.

On "National Start a Revolt Day," who dares to stand up among the brave souls who will no longer turn every little business problem into "globalized" mayhem? Just because the fax machine runs out of ink at your office, does not mean empty ink containers around the planet. Stop the conspiracy theory dead in its tracks.

Do not send out a frantic "globalized" memo, despite the CEO's demand to alert the masses of this "critical" ink matter. Be strong and tell the CEO you are "solutioning" ink from the nearest Staples and a worldwide memo will not be necessary. "National Start a Revolt Day - Stop the Overuse of Ridiculous Business Terminology" mugs are not available on television, online or in the Sky Mall catalog because they do not exist.

I hope everyone will take time this month to befriend a squirrel or start a revolution; together, we can make a difference!