Drug Addiction: The Battle Within

Addiction is an all consuming demon that robs it's victim of all they ever dreamed of and of all they were meant to become. Addiction is a killer, but first it has to bring you into shame and degradation. It has to destroy your family ties and isolate your soul so it can continue to lie to you and cheat you out of the life you were supposed to have. Addiction is a jealous slave master and will always be the first and foremost force in the addicts life. Obsessive - compulsive behavior is manifested as the addicted feeding of the habit becomes the only thing that really matters to them. Self hatred and low self esteem is the natural result of the addicts life style. The struggle within the addict is a relentless, brutal life or death battle.

Addicts usually recognize their need for drugs as a problem, yet are unable to stop using despite their best intentions. They are powerless over their addiction and cannot stop using on their own even though they may want to.

Every day is a struggle for the addict. They promise their loved ones and even themselves they're not going to use again but they do. Then the shame and self loathing kicks in so they use more drugs to escape from those painful feelings. Some times an addict will just give up the battle and use as much as possible even though they know it's killing them. Jerry is an addict who has struggled with addiction most of his life. Here is his story.

Jerry sits with his his head in his hands. How did he end up back here again? Why can't He just get it together?

The bench is hard and uncomfortable but it's all there is until they come to take him to a cell. Jerry knows the routine, He has been here several times before. He always promises himself and his family that he will clean up his act and get himself together but it just hasn't worked out that way for him.

He was fifteen when he smoked his first joint and had his first beer. That was so much fun. Jerry and his friends began smoking weed and drinking mostly on the weekends. His grades began to slip and he dropped out of basketball . He really just wasn't that interested in the sport he once loved. By the middle of Jerry's junior year, he just stopped going to school altogether. He preferred to kick-back and smoke weed with his friends. After a few trips to the juvenile correction center, Jerry decided to Change things up. He went back and finished High school and got a job at A local packing plant. He only got high on the weekends and limited his drinking to a couple beers after work and maybe one or two on the weekend. He thought he was doing good. he held down a job and hadn't been to jail since he was 16.

When Jerry was about 22 he discovered cocaine then within a year it was on to crack. Of course the job was long gone and His life was totaly out of control. Finally, homeless and tired Jerry checked into a rehab. To this day he likes to brag he hasn't used cocaine since . However at age 40 Jerry is a meth addict with a long criminal record. Every time he's been arrested it has been drug related. He has spent almost half his life locked up.

You might say "well it's the life he chose isn't it?" But it isn't that simple. Jerry has been to rehab and to a million NA meetings. He has tried to stay clean and has been successful for some period of time here and there. However it is always a constant battle for him. You see, His emotional growth stopped at age fifteen when he started getting high. He has the coping skills of a teenager.

When life gets to hard he runs back to the last place he wants to be. He runs back to his addiction. He then feels self loathing and disgust so he trys to escape from it by getting high. The battle within is raging every day of Jerry's life because he hates himself for being powerless over the all consuming force that has control of him. He wants to be free but his addiction is all he knows, all he has to help him hide from the painful truths of his life. Never mind that the addiction has caused the pain.

Finally he hears his name called. as he stands up to walk to his cell, Jerry once again promises himself that this is the last time he will come to jail because he won't be using drugs again. But somewhere deep in his subconscious the addiction is saying " That's right Jerry, this is the last time. That is until the next time. You see Jerry, I am addiction and I own you." And so the battle with in rages on.