Marriage Tips and Tricks

Marriage is hard! There is no doubt about it. I love my husband and the life we have built, but sometimes I still find myself wondering if it would be easier if I did it on my own. I think that the answer to this is yes and no. Certainly making decisions would be easier, I could decorate the house to my taste exactly, and save or spend money the way I want, but other things would be far more difficult. In light of these challenges, marriage is one of the milestones in life. It is a lifetime commitment that is meant to challenge and make us grow as individuals as well as couples.

I think that every couple questions if the have made the right choice and if divorce is the option they should choose. I would suggest trying some of these suggestions before discussing divorce. If there is still love and caring between each of you, there is a chance at rekindling your relationship. My husband and I have discovered the unwritten rules of marriage that people hint at. In the end it is a decision as a couple if you want to adopt these because each marriage is unique.

Don't badmouth the in-laws

During our first years of marriage, my husband and I both broke this rule frequently. He felt as if I thought he was inferior to my Dad and I felt like I had to adopt his families' way of thinking. Almost every fight we had boiled down to us making cracks about the others parents in hope of being more hurtful than the other. This did not help our marriage or our relationship. We became resentful of one another and very sensitive to any remark, rude or not, about our parents. We have since corrected this problem, stating that parents are off limits! If we do have an issue with something a parent has done, we wait until we have calmed down and talk about it like adults.

Play as a couple

Everyone needs a break from one another from time to time. My break is shopping or browsing eBay, my husbands is playing Xbox or guitar. We decided from day one that the last time we "partied" alone was our bachelor/bachelorette parties, and so far it has been. There is no point going to drink without your spouse. Bars are feeding grounds for horny single people and a married person has no business being there without their spouse.

Don't be joined at the hip

This goes along with rule #2. You would be totally sick of each other if you spent every waking minute together. I know a couple who will get in the car together to drive around the corner to put a letter in the mailbox, uggh! Now this might seem cute to some people, but I can see how the husband is completely stifled by this togetherness, he has a hard time coming next door to watch a movie with my hubby if his wife will not be joining him! Everyone needs to maintain their independent hobbies when they are married, and most people marry someone who is not their identical twin.

Communicate

Everyone fights, it is just human nature, and every marriage is imperfect. People grow and change habits as they age and without communication the will most certainly drift apart. Each couple needs to decide how they best communicate. For some right before bed is best, for others it is while cooking dinner together. Whatever works for you is the right way. Just remember to honestly communicate without hurting feelings and make sure that it is just the two of you, your kids do not need insight into Mommy and Daddy's arguments.

Intimacy

Many couples turn toward divorce because the feel a lack of intimacy and closeness with their spouse. As hard as it might be to start being intimate with your spouse, try to remember how it was before all the stresses of life piled up. Forget about what you last argued about; forget about how your feelings may still be hurt. If you are resentful to your spouse you will never be able to strengthen your bond because you will constantly be defensive.

Be a Couple

This is the most important rule. Your spouse and your children come first. Period! Your parents should not have an influence just as his should not. You spouse's feelings, thought, opinions, and concerns should be on the top of the pile. You need to make decisions and compromises together because everything you do affects each other.

There are plenty of ways to avoid divorce if you are willing to try. But the main fact is that you need to determine what will work for you and what will not. You can use these rules if you like but make sure that you modify them to your situation, what works for me will not necessarily work for you. If you love each other and still care about each other, there is still hope for your marriage. You owe it to each other, your children and your families to try and make things work.