A Pregnancy Guide for Dads-to-Be

While this guide will focus on the male aspect of expecting, we must admit that the mom-to-be is really doing most of the work and will experience most of the changes much more vividly than us. That being said, let's take a look at what you can expect over the coming months and how to survive it.

Pre-father fears

Whether you're 25 or 45 an expectant father's first fear is almost always financial. This doesn't mean you are an uncaring lug. Traditionally, men feel responsible for providing for the family. It is completely normal to have concerns about whether there will be enough to go around when junior arrives. In today's society we're almost all two-income families, so for many of us having a baby means we'll be adding a dependent and subtracting an income. Unless you are wealthy, you will probably never feel financially prepared to have children. So, set this issue aside. The world is full of children born to parents who thought they couldn't afford them. Chances are that your parents felt the same way.

The next common fear is the "Oh my gosh, I'm having a kid!" revelation where you realize that you are going to be completely responsible for another human being. This little jolt can keep you up at night if you let it. The important thing to remember here is that even though kids don't come with an instruction manual, people have been having and raising children for thousands of years and most of us turn out ok. Besides, you won't be alone. In addition to you and your wife, there are likely to be some grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on that will be more than happy to help - and if nothing else, keep the pediatrician on speed dial.

"What is life with a baby going to be like?" might be the next question on your mind. It starts of with concern and question about how the life, routine, and freedom you've come to enjoy will change. That concern seems to waffle into guilt for feeling that way. After all, you're wife is going through some major stuff, everyone's telling you how wonderful this is (and you know it is too.) But, you can't help but wonder what life is going to be like. You know it's going to change, but you don't know how. Guilt may tell you not to bring this up with your wife, but that's not the way to go. She has fears and concerns too and it is really important that, from the beginning, you share them with each other and work through them. Tell her what you're worried about, what you don't want to lose, and what you don't want to change and come up with some solutions together. But don't just be a taker - be willing to compromise and be willing to help develop solutions to her concerns as well. She may be carrying the child, but you are in this together.

Morning Sickness

While you're doing all this thinking, some things are going to be happening with mom-to-be. Pregnancy often sends a welcome wagon known as morning sickness. More appropriately this should be called all day and all night sickness since that's how many women experience it. This is no picnic for your wife, that's for sure. But remember, you're in it together. If you have a sensitive stomach just learn to tough it out. Stay with her, hold her hair back, offer a tissue or washcloth, and you can both get through it. A little support and comforting goes a long way.

Hormones

Somewhere during or shortly after the morning sickness the hormones are going to move in and they will control her life and yours for the next 9 months. The first rule about hormones is that it is perfectly acceptable for her to attribute any action or feeling to the hormones but you must never mention them or suggest that they are the source of erratic behavior. If it seems like she's become a different person (or several different people) don't be alarmed. Your wonderful wife is in there somewhere and should return by the end of the journey. That being said, remember that being on an emotional roller coaster without the ability to control or sometimes even recognize it will be an exhausting experience for her as well. Sure, you're getting the second hand side effects but she's living with it 24/7.

One of the most notable areas that the hormones are going to control is her sex drive. Accept from the beginning that for the next ten months she will be in charge of the sex life. The best thing you can do is be supportive, understanding, and go with the flow. If her sexual desire fades for awhile, or for the whole pregnancy, it probably isn't a reflection of her feelings toward you or her desire to be with you. Remember she has these hormones playing ping-pong with her emotions, thoughts of impending motherhood on her mind, and physical changes occurring simultaneously. There's nothing wrong with talking to her about it, but don't be demanding and don't take it personal if there is a hiatus.

Going to the doctor

There was a day and time long ago where moms-to-be went to the obstetrician visits solo, but not anymore. The visits are intended to monitor the progress of the pregnancy - which is your pregnancy too! The process of the visits will vary depending on the doctor or clinic, but however it works the dad is welcome, if not expected, to be in the examination room with mom. The internal exams are obviously the most awkward, but remember they aren't a day at the park for her either. The best way for both of you to make it through them without an anxiety attack is for you to be supportive, hold her hand, look her in the eye and not focus on the physical part of the exam. The good news (for both of you) is that this part of the visit is over very quickly and isn't required at every visit.

Baby-talk

Men and women are different. When it comes to planning a wedding we just want to know when and where to show up, meanwhile they are planning the color of lace on the doilies. Pregnancy is no exception. Men tend to let the reality of expecting set in, then for us we think it's just a matter of waiting until the baby arrives. But she may want to plan every moment of baby's birth and childhood in the coming months and she's going to want your input. While it may not be your instinct to get involved and get excited about every little detail, you are a partner in this endeavor and you should be a supportive participant.

The Bottom line

Pregnancy is going to be an interesting journey for both of you. Some good, some bad. In everything you face, remember that you are in it together. She is going to be doing most of the work. Working through the challenges of pregnancy together can make you stronger as a couple and better prepared as parents.