Strawberry Letter
With Him but Wanting Him
Every day I am caught in a maze of being married to him but so wanting and needing another man. I fear karma which catches up eventually, thinking; this is so unfair. I want him, yearn for him yet I am married to someone already. How do I break the spell of the previous man who has a hold on me? Do I even want to? What am I doing married when my heart is so over there with him. I am on this everlasting merry-go-round that never ends and I am in awe. I can't sleep at night, I don't get rest; I am married to a man who does not compliment me or in my eyes; compare to being a part of my life like the man I am in love with. Tyler Perry's question, "Why did I get Married is looming over my head on a daily basis. When I was with this other man he was not gifted in giving enough time, but I could feel his love. Now I got a man who gives me time but I can't feel a dam thing.
What do I do? I miss him more everyday as my new marriage starts to become a nightmare because I can't get into my husband; I yearn for him. I miss him so much, the way we went out together, they way he would look at me, the way we made love, and how he kept a smile on my face with just thinking of him. I would watch him as he slept, loving the very sight of him, giving soft kisses about his face as he slept. When he would feel me, he would just join in with responding to my kisses & wrap his arms around me but time wasn't given enough, I wanted more. I continue to ask myself how I may fix what is irretrievably broken in my marriage. I moved on in the beginning from this man I am still in love with because I had not patience.
I am now sulking in sorrow because I still want him as he wants me; thinking how he ask me to wait a while and I just didn't have the patience. He's now doing just what he said that would put us in a better way of living life without worry but I am stuck being married to a man who gives the time but does not provide. Mmmmm, maybe I just answered a lot of questions for why I feel the way I do. Whereas, if I had the patience to wait, I would be provided for with a man that I am in love with right now versus one whom I am not in love with but providing for. I get it, my whole life is a mess because I had no patience to wait for the man who could have given me the world and that is what God was trying to teach me. I failed the test; therefore I have to suffer a little bit. God will fix it, if I practice patience and strength this time.
What do I do? I miss him more everyday as my new marriage starts to become a nightmare because I can't get into my husband; I yearn for him. I miss him so much, the way we went out together, they way he would look at me, the way we made love, and how he kept a smile on my face with just thinking of him. I would watch him as he slept, loving the very sight of him, giving soft kisses about his face as he slept. When he would feel me, he would just join in with responding to my kisses & wrap his arms around me but time wasn't given enough, I wanted more. I continue to ask myself how I may fix what is irretrievably broken in my marriage. I moved on in the beginning from this man I am still in love with because I had not patience.
I am now sulking in sorrow because I still want him as he wants me; thinking how he ask me to wait a while and I just didn't have the patience. He's now doing just what he said that would put us in a better way of living life without worry but I am stuck being married to a man who gives the time but does not provide. Mmmmm, maybe I just answered a lot of questions for why I feel the way I do. Whereas, if I had the patience to wait, I would be provided for with a man that I am in love with right now versus one whom I am not in love with but providing for. I get it, my whole life is a mess because I had no patience to wait for the man who could have given me the world and that is what God was trying to teach me. I failed the test; therefore I have to suffer a little bit. God will fix it, if I practice patience and strength this time.
Published by Stephanie R. Barry
Stephanie Barry, author of Still Standing Through The Storms, provides writing based on real experiences through poetry,stories and videos whether they come from herself, family, friends or associates. She w... View profile
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2 Comments
Post a CommentCandice, Thank you so much!!!!
Writer, I believe you have some very good material. You should keep writer. This actually sound like a book!