What's Wrong with CSI (the TV Show)?

Last night I was watching a CSI rerun called "No Way Out". It should have been named "Many Ways Out". I like the characters in CSI; I do not like the pseudo forensic procedures. When I trained to be a CSI, my professor, a 20 year CSI veteran, said, "The only thing you will do in 45 minutes, if you are lucky, is get to the crime scene." The lack of budgetary concerns and time constraints in the show allows CSI to diverge greatly from reality. I understand that for the sake of entertainment, reality is striped away. The problem is the CSI Phenomenon, where people (like Jurors) participating in actual court cases want evidence to be presented in the same fashion as it is on TV. It reminds me of when I worked as a lifeguard. I actually had people say to me, "But that's not how they do it on Baywatch." I just smiled sweetly and thought "No, duh." Customer service at its best.

I find watching CSI painful. An entertaining plot ruined by bad science. I understand that this is more to keep the plot moving, rather than from the lack of research. I would not care, except that the fictional expectations seep into real life.

In "No Way Out" Dr. Raymond Langston (I love Laurence Fishburne) and CSI Riley Adams were taken hostage in a house being used as a PCP lab. The irony is that as soon as Langston and Adams saw the flasks and chemicals in the basement, they should have evacuated the building. They knew the dangers posed by the chemicals, but they still didn't evacuate. Most PCP and Meth labs are booby-trapped to keep out intruders. The chemicals involved are explosive and hazardous. CSIs and Police Officers would vacate the building and call in the HAZMAT team. They would also evacuate the neighborhood. The safety of the civilians and the investigators would be a top priority. Of course, this would slow down the action and prevent Langston and Adams from being kidnapped. Great for real life, not great for TV.

My first thought when the phone rang was that it was a booby-trap to eliminate people snooping in the PCP Lab. Not only should Langston and Adams have left the lab, they shouldn't have answered the phone.

At some point CSI Nick Stokes returns to the forensic lab with evidence. He sprayed a piece of paper with what looked like Ninhydrin and a perfect handprint instantly appeared. Most people believe that the absence of fingerprints means that a person wasn't at a crime scene. In reality the fingerprints may not have been found, weren't processed correctly, the surface or environment may not have been suitable for fingerprints or the person didn't leave nice, juicy fingerprints. For example, if I am not stressed or nervous (although I would be if I committed a crime), I leave very dry and difficult to process fingerprints. I need to touch my face, nose and ears to leave fingerprints that are easier to process and lift.

I missed something about the paper that Stokes processed. Why just the one sheet? What was special about the one sheet? I thought he processed the TV for fingerprints. In any case Stokes used what I imagine was Ninhydrin since it turned the page pink. It reacts to the amino acids in our sweat. We don't sweat on our fingers, but most people touch other parts of their body transferring sweat to their fingertips and then to their prints. What bothered me was why he chose that sheet of paper? Why didn't he use a fuming hood? Where was his protective clothing? No mask, no goggles, no lab coat. Ninhydrin reacts to all amino acids, and so will also react to the amino acids on the body (in your eyes, nose, mouth), not just on the paper. Be a little careless when disposing of Ninhydrin, spill some on your hands and everyone will know it for weeks.

The prints appeared instantly at full brightness. Ninhydrin isn't an immediate gratification kind of chemical. Sometimes faint prints may appear in 20 minutes. But for Ninhydrin to develop prints well, a minimum of 24 hours is needed. 48 hours is even better. Sometimes people use low heat like an iron or hair dryer to develop the prints faster, but too much heat can melt the oils in the prints making them unreadable.

When I studied Fingerprint processing, I was surprised that for each surface certain methods are used in a very rigid order. Before Ninhydrin would be used at least four other processes would be used for paper, a porous surface. Ninhydrin can destroy other evidence, so less destructive methods are used first and fingerprints are photographed. Because paper is a porous surface, the steps are very clear. 1. Visual inspection (if fingers are dirty, bloody, greasy), they can leaves visible prints called patent prints. 2. Alternate light source like a UV light may illuminate prints. 3. Iodine Fuming adheres to oil, and is a great method, because it turns the prints yellow and then fades away, which is excellent for sensitive documents like a marriage license that a person may not want destroyed. However, Iodine fuming is extremely caustic, and care must be taken not to inhale the fumes. 4. DFO, a chemical, used in conjunction with an Alternate Light Source, causes amino acids to glow. It isn't as destructive as Ninhydrin.

Stokes started with Ninhydrin, but what if that didn't work? He couldn't go back and do Iodine Fuming or the other methods, because the Ninhydrin would prevent the development. He could try Physical Developer, but it is very a destructive method, and if it didn't work, the paper could be destroyed. I had no luck with Physical Developer even when I used "juicy" control prints.

Even though Stokes sneaking behind the cars to communicate to Adams made for good TV, it did not follow chain of command. Stokes would have gone through Willows, who would have checked with Brass who would have organized this maneuver through the SWAT team. Without communication this would have been a very risky procedure. More likely a SWAT member would have communicated with her, but then TV would suffer. Unfortunately, just like being a real lifeguard is hot, dirty, stressful work, being a CSI isn't as glamorous as being on TV.

My favorite CSI pseudo science is the fingerprints scanned through AFIS, which come back with the person's driver's license, but that is a rant for another time.

"No Way Out." CSI. CBS. WSTP, Tampa. 20 Jul. 2009.