#1 Fancy Dresses and Alternate Dimensions

Labor Day has always meant two things for me: a last ditch effort to get a tan, and my brother cooking me delicious hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. It has never meant dimensional warping or using magical parasols to fight a group of women in fancy dresses. Of course, as these things usually go, that all changed when one Labor Day did mean dimensional warping and using magical parasols to fight a group of women in fancy dresses.

All I wanted was a day off. Really, that was it. That part of my plan was going perfectly well so far. I was stretched out on a lawn chair, basking in the sun and savoring the smell of grilling meat. My brother David takes immense pride in his grilling abilities, and I take immense pride in eating the results. There was no point in trying to have a conversation with him while he was grilling. He was too busy talking to the meat, giving it names, making up stories about it, and telling it to cook nicely. Apparently, it's all about cooking the meat with love. I never complain; it always comes out perfect.

David's meat is legendary, so naturally we had the whole neighborhood over for a party. There was talking and beer drinking and radio music and kids swimming in a cheap inflatable pool. Everyone was leaving me alone, which was totally fine with me because I was drifting off to sleep and there's nothing worse than a busybody waking you up from an amazing nap under the sun just to ask you questions about side dishes and family affairs.

Actually, there is something worse than that, but I'm willing to bet that it doesn't happen to most people, or anyone but me for that matter.

Although it was sunny and warm that day, there were quite a few clouds in the sky and occasionally, a huge block of them would completely mask the sun for a few minutes. Now, as I mentioned before, I was pretty much sleeping, but for some reason completely unknown to me despite all that's happened, I opened my eyes when a set of clouds passed overhead. This wouldn't have been a very phenomenal occurrence had it not been for the sudden chill I felt and the blueish tint that washed over everything around me. I sat up and looked around, rubbing my arms. Everyone was frozen. Before I had time to poke anyone with a stick to see if they were all right, I heard a sound like a giant zipper being pulled down and snapped my gaze to the sky. Sure enough, there was a giant zipper just like the ones you see in cartoons. When the zipper was completely open, it revealed a black space inside and out of that black space popped a head. A girl's head, to be more precise. She had blonde hair tied back in two high pigtails and seemed rather pale (or maybe that was just make-up). Her most distinctive feature was the tiny, doll-sized black hat tied to the top left side of her head. She looked around and then held out a lacy black parasol. It opened with a swift flap and then she jumped out of the hole.

As I watched her float gracefully to the ground, I noticed that everything about her was frilly and lacy, from her long-sleeved black dress to her shoes garnished with little ribbons. When she landed, she twirled her parasol and made a beeline for me, her expression serious.

"I need your help. It's urgent," she said.

I stared at her with my mouth slightly open and blinked.

She sighed. "Okay. My name is Molly and I'm--well, I'm not from around here, but I need you to come with me. There are some bad women trying to take over my home and I need someone to help me fight them."

"Bad women?" I said, raising my eyebrow. "Do they look anything like you?"

"Yes," she said with a finality that I didn't expect at all. I was joking.

"Um, I. . ."

"Come on now. It's better that I take you willingly rather than by force," she said impatiently.

At this point, I was convinced that I had gone completely insane, so I said the heck with it and told her I'd come along. As long as I got something to eat soon, I didn't really care where we were going. I was getting hungry.

If Molly was pleased with the outcome, her face didn't show it. She grabbed my wrist, yanked me off the lawn chair, and dragged me across the yard until we were standing right beneath the gaping hole in the sky. Then, she raised her parasol and we were both floating upward. I didn't bother trying to figure out how that was physically possible. When we reached the hole, Molly tossed me inside like a discarded coat and I landed on what felt like a tile floor. I couldn't see it, which freaked me out quite a bit, but at least I wasn't falling endlessly into the abyss.

Seconds later, Molly stepped inside, grabbed the zipper, and completely sealed the opening. We were standing in total darkness for a split second, and then everything lit up. What I thought was a tile floor before turned out to be a black tile pathway of sorts, and a narrow one at that. Everything around and below us was a vast space filled with random streaks of color that zipped and whirred from one place to another. The sound was sort of a mix between electricity and laser beams.

"Hold this," Molly said, presenting me with the giant zipper tag. The thing was about as long as my torso. I took it, expecting it to be heavy, but it was about as light as a notebook.

"I don't have much time to explain things to you, uh," she was giving me a confused look and it took me a second to realize that she wanted to know my name.

"Amber."

"Right. Well Amber, right now we're in a space in between dimensions. We're leaving your dimension and going to mine. Does that make sense?"

I nodded. It sounded simple enough, although I've read enough comics and seen enough TV shows that said things were way more complicated than that. Oh well. Maybe reality was surprisingly simple with things like this.

"Okay good. See that screen on the zipper?"

I looked down and filling the space of the big hole on the zipper was a picture of a somewhat futuristic looking city.

"That's where we're going. Now, you lead the way."

I gave her a strange look. "How am I supposed to know which way to go?"

"The zipper will guide you."

I burst out laughing. How anyone could say something like that with a straight look on their face is beyond me, but Molly was dead serious. I quickly gained control of myself and walked in front of her. The second I moved, the zipper straightened out and pulled me forward like an eager puppy out for a walk in the park.

"It senses the urgency of the situation," said Molly.

The zipper was sentient. Of course.

Within a few seconds, we were running with the almighty zipper leading the way. Everything became a blur of colors and it all looked the same. Molly grabbed onto my hand. At first I thought it was kind of strange, but then the zipper leapt into the air and her actions suddenly made sense. We were flying for a few seconds and then the zipper latched onto seemingly nothing. Our combined weight pulled the zipper down and we caught a small glimpse of tall buildings against a bright blue sky.

Molly had already opened her parasol, so she was floating through the opening seconds after it was created. She held onto me and told me to hold on to the zipper. When both of us had successfully exited the dimensional in-between space or whatever it was, I kept my grip on the zipper and it snapped off. The hole rippled and then faded away into nothing.

It was then that I made the grave mistake of looking down and discovering that we were at least a thousand feet above ground. We weren't even descending and I wasn't sure how long I could hold on to Molly. After all, I was dangling pretty helplessly. Molly, however, seemed to know exactly where she was going and what she was doing.

A few minutes later, we finally landed in front of a huge shop that appeared to specialize in parasols. In fact, I would call it the Wal-Mart of parasols. It was ridiculously huge and according to the hologram numbers that were somehow floating in midair above the door, it was open 24/7. Also, it was called Parasol-Mart. Stupid name, but low prices. When we stepped through the doors, a hologram of a woman in a business suit materialized in front of us.

"Welcome to Parasol-Mart," she said in a fake courtesy kind of voice that's intended to make you feel special but you really don't because you know it's all an act. "Here you'll find everything for your traveling and fighting needs. . ."

"Did she just say traveling and fighting?" I asked.

"Yes," said Molly, grabbing my wrist again and running toward the far end of the store (which was really far, by the way. This is Parasol-Mart we're talking about). The nice hologram lady was left alone to talk to empty space.

For a store so huge at this time of day to be so empty seemed strange to me. Then again, apparently I was in an alternate dimension. Maybe people like Molly didn't need to go shopping in the afternoon while the kids are still at school. Then again, this place only had parasols.

I was forcefully interrupted from my musings by a sudden gust of wind that sent Molly and I flying into a rack of white parasols. As we slowly picked ourselves up, we were hit by a huge blast of water, and before we could pick ourselves up from that, we were completely surrounded by a ring of fire. When I finally got to my feet, I looked to Molly for an explanation.

"I didn't think they'd be here," she said. "Quick. Pick up one of those parasols."

I looked around at the options scattered at my feet and went for one with small red ribbons lining the edges. Suddenly, I noticed that the fire had gotten a lot closer and I realized that the ring was shrinking in on us.

"Do exactly as I do," said Molly. She stuck her parasol out in front of her and opened it. I followed suit. Then, she started twirling it in her hand. I did the same. After about ten seconds, I felt a jolt and my parasol flashed blue for a second.

"On the count of three, lift your parasol above your head and bring it down hard like you're hitting someone. You go on that side and I'll stay here. One, two, three!"

A thick, dark blue beam shot from my parasol and I quickly moved it left to right. Apparently, whatever was coming out was ice or some substance that coated the fire because it was left looking like something someone had sculpted. When I had gotten as much of the fire as I could, I checked on Molly and found that she had done the same. We were no longer in imminent danger.

"Very clever, Molly darling," came a sultry voice.

"Very clever indeed," said a second.

"You were always so smart!" said a third.

Three women stepped over the frozen fire and faced us. The one in the middle had very long red hair and wore a lacy black and white corset styled dress. Tied to her head was a very small hat, much like the one Molly wore, except it was black and white. A black feather was attached to the white side and a white feather was attached to the black side. The other two women had the exact same get-up, except the one on the left had green hair and the one on the right had blue hair. The blue-haired one also had a smile that would look friendly in any other context, but here it just looked creepy. For someone who had almost severely injured two people, she was way too happy.

"Is that your back-up army?" said the red-head, indicating me and stepping forward.

"She is not a 'that.' She is Amber," said Molly. I was tempted to laugh again, but I didn't. That just sounded weird.

"Well Amber, I'm Natasha and I'm your worst nightmare," said the red-head. I would've felt mildly insulted had I not been so amused by her overwhelming smugness.

"I'm Anastasia and I'm you're second worst nightmare," said the green-haired one. Her facial expression was somewhere between angry and bored. I was more inclined to take her seriously, but then I remembered that she managed to say an even cheesier line than Molly's "The zipper will guide you."

"I'm Melody," said the blue-haired girl, "and I would like to be your best friend! Except I can't because we're enemies. Awwww." This one's facial expression changed so much that I couldn't tell if she was mocking me or if she was actually that cute.

"We're going to have to kill you both now," said Natasha, studying her fingernails. "You realize that, right? This is my city, Molly dear, and I will do whatever I can to take it. It's as simple as that."

"No it's not," said Molly darkly, pointing her parasol at Natasha.

"Very well then," said Natasha, spinning her parasol in front of her and then pointing at us. "Girls, get ready."

"Get ready," said Anastasia.

"It's a shame we have to kill such cuties!" said Melody.

"Just follow my lead," said Molly.

"Okay because I have no idea what's going on," I said.

"You'll be fine. I'll tell you two things right now. Twirl the parasol to the left and it charges one thing. Turn it to the right and it charges another. Fire it like you did before. Pretend like you're hitting something. Got it?"

"Yeah."

The battle begun. It was flashy, it was deadly, it was ridiculous, and it was incredibly tiring. Natasha was shooting fire all over the place, Anastasia was hurling parasols at us with wind, and Melody was apparently singing a song while trying to hit us with a water whip. Molly and I countered as best as we could, but we hardly ever got a chance to be on the offensive. These girls knew how to fight together; they didn't leave any spaces open. Fifteen minutes into the battle, we were really taking a beating. Molly was slowing down and I knew she wouldn't last much longer. I had to do something, but I didn't know what. I could hardly control my own weapon. It's blue beam and its green beams seemed the same to me, but apparently each one was more effective at certain times and I really didn't have the patience or understanding to try to figure that out.

Suddenly, I remembered the fact that we were in Parasol-Mart and that there were hundreds of parasols scattered at my feet. I had two hands. Hundreds of parasols, two hands. It clicked.

"Molly," I said. "Let's fight with two parasols each. Then we'll have them outnumbered."

Molly nodded feebly and we both grabbed whichever one was closest to us. Armed with two weapons now, I twirled them both in opposite directions. When they were charged, I shot them at the same time. I got lucky and managed to hit Natasha before she had a chance to react. She flew backward with a scream and crashed through the window. Anastasia immediately ran to her. With the other two gone, Melody apparently had no more reason to fight, so she lowered her parasol, waved good-bye to us, and walked through the broken window.

"Seriously? That's how this is going to end?" I said.

"It's for the better," said Molly. "Natasha's the will power. Get rid of her and the other two don't do a thing. It's always been like that."

"Always?"

"Never mind. Let's get you back to your own dimension."

As we left the ransacked store, I briefly wondered whose responsibility it would be to clean up the mess and subsequently felt sorry for that person for about three seconds. I decided to take the two parasols with me. They were pretty and the shot stuff, so I figured why not. Before I knew it, Molly and I were back in the dimensional in-between space and then I was floating back down to my good old lawn chair. When I landed, I looked up and waved to Molly.

"Thanks for everything!" she called from above and then zipped the hole shut. As soon as she did so, everything unfroze and it was like I never left. David came over and handed me a plate with a hot dog and hamburger. He didn't even notice the parasols sitting beside me, and if he did he didn't seem to care about them. He left a few seconds later to cater to the other guests. I leaned back in my chair and set my plate on my stomach. Out of curiosity, I opened one of the parasols and spun it for ten seconds.

Nothing happened, and that was probably for the better.