10 Funny Love Poems for Valentine's Day

"Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?" If Rita Rudner's comical view of love makes you laugh, it doesn't mean you're unromantic. Au contraire, your romantic relationships could be better than most. "Laughter establishes-or restores-a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people," writes psychologist Hara Marano.

If your sweetheart enjoys a good chuckle as much as carnations or chocolates, here are some funny love poems you can share with him or her on Valentine's Day-none of which will wilt or melt. From the slightly risque to the clearly ridiculous (including a punny Valentine's Day poem for vegetarians), one of these poems is sure to tickle your love's funny bone-and who knows where that could lead?

Funny Love Poem #1:

Lets sin
On a tiger-skin
Or, if you prefer
We could err
On a different fur

From: Verses 4 Cards

Funny Love Poem #2:

The following three couplets were among the winners in a newspaper contest that asked readers to write a love poem in which the first line was very romantic and the second line, very unromantic.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
-

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
-

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

From: Laugh It Out

Funny Love Poem #3:

I'm glad I married you.
And I bet the kids are, too

From: Verses 4 Cards

Funny Love Poem #4:

Upon his death, the New York Times wrote of Ogden Nash, "(His) droll verse with its unconventional rhymes made him the country's best-known producer of humorous poetry." Here's a sample of Nash's wit you're sure to love.

"More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That's how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That's how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.

I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That's how you're loved by me."

From: Personal Journeys of John Gardner

Funny Love Poem #5:

This haiku by Asher Hung was a winning entry in a contest held by the website Breakup Girl.

Is it still stalking?
If I type your home address
into Google Earth?

From: Breakup Girl

Funny Love Poem #6:

To my "lets go upstairs and make passionate love"
You used to bound up with glee
Now it's "I can't do stairs and passion. . .
You'll have to choose which one it's to be"

From: Verses 4 Cards

Funny Love Poem #7:

Stuck on You
You were so distant
Now we're as one
Thanks to some duct tape
And a glue gun

From: Love Poetry

Funny Love Poem #8:

Try singing this to your Valentine. If you can't sing like Frank Sinatra, no worries. It will just make your Valentine laugh harder.

"My Funny Valentine" song lyrics by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart

My funny Valentine, sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable, un-photographable
Yet, you're my favorite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don't change your hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine, stay!
Each day is Valentine's day

From: eLyrics

Funny Love Poem #9:

Here's another poem that starts out romantic and then turns sarcastic.

How do I measure
The love I have for you?
I thought, while idly watching
A sparrow sippin' dew
And as I pondered thoughtfully
I gave my head a rub
And then I thought "Oh sod it
I'm going to the pub!"

From: imagEnation

Funny Love Poem #10:

Your Valentine will be laughing until his or her ribs hurt when you recite this funny love poem for vegetarians. Just be sure not to serve ribs for dinner.

Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You're such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?

You've been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect Pear.

Now, something's sure to Turnip,
To prove you can't be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let's let our tulips meet.

Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato's eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.

I'll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I'll work and share my Celery,
So be my Valentine.