10 Life Lessons Learned from Soap Operas

How many paternity tests have been given on soap operas? If I could choose a profession in soap opera land, I'd choose to work at a paternity lab, because those fellas are busy. I wouldn't be surprised if the paternity of every person on each show has been given a paternity test at some point.

9. If you are having a "secret" conversation with someone regarding something that is a "big secret" you are keeping from someone else, more than likely they will be lurking in the shadows, listening in on your conversation.

Listening from behind doors, overhearing conversations on baby monitors left on...you really can't have a private conversation anywhere on a soap opera! More than likely, someone is listening in, and if you are keeping a secret from someone, usually the person listening in is the person who you are keeping the secret from!

8. If you are pregnant, be prepared to give birth in a very dramatic way.

Babies are almost never born in hospitals on soap operas. I don't think I have ever seen a person give birth in a hospital in a "normal" way. I've seen babies being born in elevators, on the side of the road, in the back seat of a car, in the middle of hurricanes and ice storms, and in bathroom stalls. Can somebody get a doctor?

7. If you get drunk and have a one night stand with someone other than your spouse, you WILL get pregnant.

That right there is an obvious one. It happens every time. Wife has argument with husband. Wife goes out and gets drunk at bar. Wife gets picked up by person longing to be with them. Wife sleeps with said person. 2 weeks later, wife finds out she is pregnant.

6. No one ever really dies.

On the popular soap opera, "The Bold and the Beautiful", Dr. Taylor Hayes Forrester is shot by the evil Sheila Carter. Viewers see her die in her husband, Ridge's arms. Years later, Taylor manages to come back from the dead. The explanation is an intricate story line somewhere along the lines of, Taylor didn't actually die in her husband's arms, but she slipped into a coma, so her body was switched by her admirer, Prince Omar, and replaced at her funeral with a very life-like dummy. Prince Omar nursed her back to health and she returned to her family. 'Nuff said.

5. Don't get too attached to your father; more than likely, he isn't your real dad.

Some people don't learn who their father really is until they are in their 30's or 40's, and even then, the paternity can change in a heartbeat. The "Who's the Daddy" storyline, as it is commonly referred to by soap opera fans, is a very popular one.

4. If you are having a wedding, more than likely it will get interrupted.

I don't think I've ever seen a single wedding actually make it through the entire ceremony (unless that wedding was a re-do) without someone confessing their love for either the bride or the groom, fainting, being shot, or any other dramatic concoction you can put together.

3. No one locks their doors.

If burglars realized this in soap opera land, they would be in heaven. How often do people just barge in other people's houses? Don't these people ever lock their doors? Of course not!

2.Even though everyone has a cell phone, conversations MUST be held in person.

Why is that so? Everyone in soap opera land has a cell phone, yet if an important conversation is to be had, it MUST be had in person. We're not sure why the phone isn't adequate enough to have a discussion on. But it happens.

1. Kids age really, really fast on soap operas.

Moms, you think your kids grow up fast now? Try having them on a soap opera. Kids that were born when I was in high school are now older than I am. Must be depressing for moms to see their babies grow up that fast!