10 Not-So-Smart Ways to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey

Please do not ask me how I came to be aware of these methods of turkey stuffing; some may stem from a friends' life experience, perhaps I saw others attempt some of these turkey stuffing methods. Some may have previously been kept secret, but now they shall be known - 10 Not-So-Smart Ways to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey.

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 1 - In the nude. Nude turkey stuffing and basting may sound appealing, initially, butt.

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 2 - In the presence of farm animals. They are not potty trained.

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 3 - In the presence of turkeys. This may, however, lead to excellent Thanksgiving pictures.

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 4 - While under the influence. Admittedly, Thanksgiving is a good time to sip an Oktoberfest or Winter Lager or have some Egg Nog or pumpkin beer, but stuffing a turkey while under the influence may lead to unintended consequences. Just be warned.

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 5 - With jello. I know, jello stuffing inside Thanksgiving turkey sounds awesome! But, Jello melts. It doesn't work. It just becomes a liquid and it seeps in and then you've got a red turkey.

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 6 - With ice cream. I know, it seems more solid than jello and maybe it had a chance of surviving the journey into the center of the oven, but, alas, ice cream also melts, Thanksgiving or no Thanksgiving. (Other items that also melt include: pudding, slurpees, ice cubes and mommy's breast milk.)

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 7 - Never. I repeat Never, Ever stuff a normal Thanksgiving turkey with a tofurkey. The people that eat the normal turkey do not want a tofurkey inside it and the people that eat the tofurkey do not want it inside a regular turkey. That is a Thanksgiving faux paus. For that matter, never do the opposite...

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 8 - Never stuff a regular turkey inside a tofurkey. Same logic applies.

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 9 - While the turkey is still alive. I think that might be a criminally chargeable offense of bestiality.

Not-So-Smart Way to Stuff a Thanksgiving Turkey - Number 10 - In front of little children, who will forever repeat "Daddy sticks his hands up turkey's butts."