10 Passive-Agressive Things Parents Do and How to Deal with It

Children of passive-aggressive parents are faced with unique challenges. Feelings of low-self-esteem and a lack of confidence can result. It's painful. In this article we will take a brief look at 10 passive-aggressive things parents do and a few tips on how to deal with it.

1. Condescending opinions - Many passive-aggressive parents will disguise their aggression by insulting their children, justifying it as being "honest" for the child's "own good".

2. Manipulation - Parents who use manipulation give (sometimes without being asked) with the expectation of getting something in return.

3. Excuses - A passive-aggressive parent may initially seem enthusiastic about participating in some activity or honoring some obligation while knowing they have no intention of following through.

4. Inefficiency - Passive-aggressive parents may start a task only to sabotage the endeavor by doing a bad job.

5. "Memory lapses" - Parents using this tactic will "forget" they agreed to do something or be somewhere with the intent of sabotaging their child.

6. The Martyr - Passive-aggressive parents may try to portray themselves as martyrs, suffering "silently" while others "mistreat" them.

7. Sullenness - a passive-aggressive parent may become sullen when they don't get what they want. This may manifest itself as "the silent treatment" or other behavior.

8. Gossip - A parent may talk about their child behind their back instead of speaking to the child directly.

9. "Jokes" - many passive-aggressive insults are disguised as "jokes". These are actually back-handed insults.

10. Blame - a passive aggressive parent may blame others, not themselves for their problems.

Dealing with it

Realize that many passive-aggressive people are emotionally immature. There may be painful reasons from the person's past that caused them to develop this co-dependent behavior. Dealing with them will be frustrating and confusing.

See insulting jokes for what they are. Realize that these so-called jokes are ways for the parent to express anger, resentment or envy. It's not about you, it's about them.

Confront. Depending on the level of disruption to your life, you may have to confront your parent. Be tactful, remembering that passive-aggressive behavior is all about avoiding confrontation. They may not change their behavior but knowing that you're on to them may stop them from using it on you.

Most of all realize that passive-aggressive parents cause harm to their children and you don't have to accept that behavior. Their aggression is about their own feelings and not a reflection of your value as a person.

Sources:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/passive-aggressive-behavior/AN01563
http://www.my-counseling-site.com/passive_aggressive.html
Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward