10 Things You Are Dying to Say to the Rude Customer

Having been in customer service most of my adult life, I have ran across many of the most unexpectedly rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate people on the planet. If I had a nickel for every time a really ugly response landed on the tip of my tongue I would be a billionaire by now. Although knowing that if I want to keep my job I have to bite my tongue, and being raised to believe if you can't say anything nice you shouldn't say anything at all, here are some of the little thoughts floating around in my head when these people decide to grace me with their presence:

10. If your too good for me to help you, why are you here? I'm sure there is a perfectly good third rate place right down the street just dying to have your esteemed patronage. Here let me draw you a map. (picture of foot inserted in buttocks on napkin)

9. I don't make the prices I just deliver the food/product.

8. No I can't give it to you free, do you see a sign on the door that says U.N.I.C.E.F?

7. Yes, I do read minds, how nice of you to let me practice by pointing at the blank space on the menu/catalog and expecting me to understand what "I want this" means.

6. Yeah, I know the owner too,as a matter of fact, he signs my paycheck every week.

5. If every time I went somewhere I had a problem with the service, I think it's safe to say I'd go somewhere else, why don't you?

4. Why does the fact that your old/ fat/ a woman/ a man/ white/ not white/ rich/ poor (retarded) make you special? (depending on the person who makes a point of describing their personal category while you try to answer really dumb questions like "why is it so expensive" and "why does it only come in this variety" or the ever popular "I should qualify for a discount because...")

3. If you have to ask how much it costs or why it's so expensive, you probably can't afford it anyway.

2. You'll have my job? Let's think about that for a minute, do you really want it? Because right now, I'm, not sure I really want it!

And the number one thing that I would love to say to a rude customer?

1. BITE ME!

Well this was slightly therapeutic, and really fun!