10 Things Every Driver Must Know to Survive in New Jersey

As a lifelong resident of the Garden State, I have experienced everything New Jersey has to offer, including some of the worst driving possible. New Jersey residents are unique, not only because of our accent, but because of the tactics we employ on the road. Since many people do make their way to New Jersey, whether it is for the holidays or because there is no sales tax on clothing, I figured I would compile a list of some common things every driver should know to survive on the road in Jersey. Please keep in mind that while some of these things may be true, they are being presented in a very exaggerated and humorous fashion, and they should not be taken literally. I cannot be held responsible for someone who believes one of these rules is written in a New Jersey driver's manual being issued at the DMV.

1. Everybody is in a Rush . . . All the Time

Whether it is 2:30 a.m., 8 a.m., or 11:23 p.m., everybody drives as if they have to get to their destination in record time. I am sure you have heard of rush hour before, but in New Jersey, it is rush hourS. Take hundreds of people traveling on a highway trying to get to work as fast as possible, and mix them with others who are just going out for the day. What you get is an accident, and traffic that never moves.

2. Stop If You See a Cop

Flashing lights means slow down, plain and simple. Given the fact that nobody drives the speed limit as it is, you don't want to be the person doing 95 in a 55 with a cop watching your every move. This has speeding ticket written all over it, and believe me, you aren't going to catch a break.

3. Slowing Down for a Yellow Light Spells Accident

In New Jersey, a yellow light is virtually the same as a green light, with the fact that most people are going to go through it. If it is close enough, most will go through a red light as well, but that is beside the point. Hitting your brakes to stop for a yellow light will result in you needing a new rear bumper, since the three cars behind you were planning on making that light. You just made them get to their destination three minutes too late.

4. Turn Signals Are Irrelevant

Cars sold in New Jersey shouldn't even have turn signals, since nobody uses them. The whole trick to driving in Jersey is to try to guess at what the person in front or next to you is going to do, since they will signal to tell you. Be aware of those that decide to turn at the very last second with no signal. They plague the state.

5. The Jersey Slide

When entering the highway, the object is to get from the right lane, all the way to the left lane, as fast as possible. In most states, this consists of merging to the center lane, driving a short distance, and then cautiously moving to the left lane. Not in Jersey. We use the Jersey Slide, which consists of going directly from the right lane to the left lane, without stopping or hitting the brake at all. It is a maneuver any person driving in New Jersey should know, so be sure to perfect it. Don't forget to signal along the way as well. No wait, nevermind.

6. The Speed Limit is Always Too Low

Driving the speed limit just doesn't exist. If you are driving on the highway, usually a 55 MPH zone, that really translates to 75 MPH at a minimum. If you are not familiar with the flow of traffic in Jersey, it is your best bet to keep to the right lane. Driving in the middle lane will result in you seeing cars whizzing past you, usually accompanied by the honking of a horn.

7. Never Pull Out in Front of Somebody, and Just Go the Speed Limit

Don't you love those people who decide they have enough time to pull out in front of you, but then they just fail to hit the gas? This is not a smart thing to do, since it will lead to number 9.

8. The Key to Making Someone Go Faster is to Ride Their Bumper

It is obvious that in order to make someone go faster, you get as close as humanly possible to them so they will speed it up. For the most part, it doesn't work, but we like to think that it is actually doing something. If you are a true Jersey resident, when someone rides your bumper, you will hit the brakes or go even slower.

9. There is No Such Thing as Bad Parking

I have seen it all when it comes to parking; parking at least 12 ft. away from the curb, on the curb, taking up two parking spots, or parking in a spot that doesn't even exist. Nothing like finding that diamond in the rough spot at the fully packed mall that everybody else seemed to overlook. Turns out the guy next to it, took up half of it. Not uncommon at all.

10. Survival of the Fittest

Ever tried beating someone to a parking spot? In most cases, the driver who is waiting with their turn signals on gets the spot. It is simply just an understood rule for drivers, but in New Jersey, it is irrelevant. If you can get a spot, you get it. Remember, those signals don't mean much, so it comes down to who is going to risk their car for the spot. If you happen to beat someone out for it, be ready for some verbal abuse or name calling. Don't worry, they will get over it.

I hope you have enjoyed some of these humorous, unwritten rules of the road, only found in New Jersey. Again, these are just for laughs, and not to be taken seriously.