10 Things I've Learned as a First-Time Dad

I became a father for the first time at the end of 2007. Needless to say my life has never been the same. Even though I'm grateful for my son, I wish there were some things they told me about fatherhood. I was raised by a mother and grandmother and didn't have a lot of male influences in my life growing up, so I felt like I was really winging it as a dad! With God's help and grace I think I've done a pretty good job so far; at least that's what people tell me... but I want to share with you some semi-sage wisdom on what that first year of fathering will look like.

1. Don't take out your anger on your child.

There are times that you might want to throw your child through the window, or return the child to the hospital, but of course you can't. Likewise, if your child does something that makes you angry keep in mind they're learning everything! What makes sense to you may not even be comprehensible to them. They're just winging it like you are. Give them some mercy sometimes. If discipline is required, then enforce discipline, but do it out of love not anger.

2. Your patience will be tested like it never has before.

I know this was the case for me. I thought I was a fairly patient person... until I had a child. My patience has grown considerably since I had my child. I'm realizing everyday what my parents had to go through and the love it really takes to raise a child. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes teaching things over and over again, and it takes patience.

3. If you're married, by default, you now have two full-time jobs - dad and husband.

I'm just dealing with the home occupations. Brother, you are dad and husband if you're married. You still have to be a husband to your wife while being a dad to your child. You can't neglect one or the other. Just remember... you're married to your wife, you're responsible for your child. There is a difference in roles and responsibilities. You made promises to your wife that you don't have for your child necessarily. You went through a whole ceremony process and made vows with your wife. In Christiandom we call it a covenant. Of course you must love your children and raise them correctly, but that's different than the role you have as husband.

4. The 9-5 really needs to stay at the 9-5.

The work you do outside the home really needs to stay outside the home because once you get home you have two other jobs waiting for you that need the same time and dedication that you gave to your other employer. Your family is your main employer, don't ever forget that.

5. Most things will take a little longer to do than they used to.

The time it takes to do grocery shopping, the time it takes to leave for family things, the time it takes to get ready, the time it takes to eat... all of that will change being a parent. You have another person to account for now. Most of us have our set schedules and regiments... throw them out. Make some new ones. Give yourself more time to do things because with a baby anything could happen.

6. You'll find baby items in every room of the house, deal with it.

In the office, a toy... in the kitchen a baby spoon and baby food... in the living room, clothes... in the laundry room, clothes... in your basement, a playpen... in your bed, the baby. The first year it'll look like your baby owns the house and you're just storing your stuff there. Make a concerted effort to centralize baby's stuff as much as possible; I do understand if that is easier said than done.

7. Either you'll be the enforcer, or she will.

You'll find out if you're the enforcer or if mom will be. For our family, we both play the role at different times. It depends on who gave the command. I don't interject if my wife has given a command and needs to enforce discipline and vice versa. That's an important sidebar - learn to say what you mean and mean what you say. You'll learn that your child needs patterns, in fact, we all do. Once your child sees that you mean what you say, they may think twice about testing you.

8. [This one is for Christians] You'll learn God as Father.

Before being a parent I knew God as Jesus, and I knew God as the Holy Spirit, but now I'm learning God as Father. I'm learning the parental side of God... the merciful and patient side of God. The God who gives us commands and expects us to carry them out immediately. The God that loves us no matter what we do because we're His children. He may not love everything we do, but He loves us.

9. Your child needs playtime with you.

As much as you might want to do so you can't just leave your child in a chair all day to sit and do nothing. They need movement and activity and lots of it. They're exploring this new world and want to explore it with you. You can't ever be too busy for your child. Sure, there are times when you aren't able to play but that shouldn't be all day. Make some playtime for your child, even if it's just running around in circles. Most children don't need much... something as small as kicking around a bottle cap may keep them entertained for an hour or more.

10. You will need times alone.

Your alone times become more and more precious. I've found that I have days where I get up earlier just to have some peace and quiet... where I don't have to be a husband or a dad, even if it's just for an hour or two. Then of course I find myself trying to finish some project at home, like laundry or dishwashing, or something like that. As a man, you need time to think and clear your head and just relax a bit... you deserve it!