10 Things You Shouldn't Do in a Janitorial Closet

The list of things you shouldn't do in a janitor's broom closet isn't all that long. Or hard to figure out but just in case your brain has turned into mush and you don't know how to behave here are 10 of the things on that list.

10. Barbecue chicken. Why would you? Can't you find Kentucky Fried Chicken? I hear they have a great bucket of wings. I won't bother questioning your decision to fire up the barby in the janitor's broom closet rather than you own back yard.

9. Tools are not necessarily all that erotic, at least not the ones found in a broom closet. So it's probably a good idea to hold off on that 9 ½ weeks re-enactment until you get home.

8. Okay, I should probably rescind #9 on this list because according to Jenny Corvette a Craftsman screwdriver in quite erotic. She had a hot and heavy romance with one and even wrote a thank you letter to the manufacturers.

7. Set off fireworks. You are IN the janitor's closet, remember? Only set off fireworks if you can stand outside, safely throw them in and shut the door. Idiots.

6. Post pictures of naked transvestites on the walls. Just because this is your office area doesn't mean no one will see it. Trust me though, when I say that nobody wants to see it.

5. Naked Yoga. Please refrain from doing the downward dog or half moon position until you can be free to do so in a naked yoga class. Most janitor's closets aren't large enough to accommodate such stretching unless you are a little person. Even then I wouldn't recommend it, it can't be all that sanitary.

4. Hide a dead body. I wrote an entire article detailing the right ways to dispose of a dead body. I should have included this as one of the things not to do. A janitor's closet isn't a suitable place to stash the body. Eventually someone will find it.

3. Take naked pictures of your secretary or boss. Really can't you be more imaginative? Besides it sounds to me like you are looking forward to getting caught. Does his wife or her husband know about you?

2. Never bring friends to "your place" (the janitor's broom closet) and try to show them the leprechauns you found living behind the bleach. People will think you are insane. What am I saying? You ARE insane!

1. According to the infamous E. floor wax should never be substituted for personal lube. That's a lesson in hygiene your mother never gave you. Keep in mind stealing company property for personal gain aka wild monkey sex is still stealing.