10 Things Wrong with We Are the World 2010

On Friday, February 12, 2010, NBC premiered the video for "We Are the World 25 for Haiti," the remake of the 1985 hit written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie. The original featured vocal talents like Jackson, Richie, Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, Tina Turner, and more. The remake features a host of talented performers as well, such as Jennifer Hudson, Barbra Streisand, Josh Groban, and Wyclef Jean. The song is, admittedly, not the original, but it still manages to be a touching work to benefit those still suffering from the disaster in Haiti. This update features a stirring chorus pairing the English lyrics with singers performing in Haitian toward the end that literally had me bawling my eyes out. With a reaction like that, however, I must admit that some of the choices Lionel Richie, Quincy Jones, and director Paul Haggis made for the 2010 rendition of "We Are the World" were ... a little odd. In fact, some kept the song from achieving the absolute power it seemed quite capable of achieving. Among them are the following.

1. Justin Bieber: Now, I know I may have a large crowd of adolescent to teenaged (and, God-forbid, possibly twenty-something) girls banging at my door calling for blood on this, but let me clarify. It's not that I think this young Canadian artist shouldn't have been included at all. But selecting him as the opener for this iconic song, when the original opener was an actual icon at the time of the original recording-that would be Lionel Richie-seems like a mistake.

2. Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson "Duet": There are going to be about a million people who read that statement, shut down their computers, and come looking for me, but again, let me explain. The idea of having a minor tribute to Michael Jackson, one of the original pioneers behind the 1985 "We Are the World" recording, was touching; in fact, I almost cried a little bit. But when you watch the video, and see a superimposed image of Janet Jackson so she appears to be singing with her older brother, and realize you can barely (if at all) hear her-unless they sound so much alike you just can't tell the difference-you can hardly help but wonder what happened. At any rate, we all miss Michael Jackson. Most recognize him as a Pop icon and a legend in the music community. Many believe this track does honor to him. But here's a big question that I know I'm not the only one to ask: Is this for Haiti, or is this a Michael Jackson tribute? Just saying ...

3. Jamie Foxx Channels Ray Charles: Oh, I'm sorry, Jamie, we're still back there? Back there being 2004, when Foxx did an outstanding job in the biopic Ray. That was fantastic. But to see Mr. Foxx stand before the microphone and do a Ray Charles impression for the new "We Are the World Recording" ... not so much. In fact, some folks have wondered if such an impression does not descend into mockery; we all know that wasn't Jamie Foxx's intent, but neither can we help but wonder why he and the producers of the 25^th anniversary track found it necessary at all. It also quite possibly raises the question of whether that's the whole reason Foxx was invited to the recording session at all, which would be extremely sad.

4. Tony Bennett: At this point even my dad is having thoughts of disowning me, but there's no denying that Mr. Bennett sounds a bit awkward and uncomfortable singing his solo. On the audio track, the one-line solo ("That someone, somehow, will soon make a change") sounds like a mouthful for the legendary Bennett, made all the more awkward after the smooth solo by Josh Groban; and I'm not blaming Tony Bennett for that, as it would probably be an awkward line for any classic crooner or balladeer. To be honest, I'm not sure which I find worse; that Tony Bennett got an awkward line that made him sound bad, or that he only got one line when we're talking about Tony Bennett.

5. Vince Vaughn: To be fair, in the original, people were probably wondering what Dan Aykroyd was doing in the chorus. In the 25^th anniversary recording of "We Are the World," it's a modern audience's turn to take a moment to say, "Heh, look at that, it's Vince Vaughn! Wait ... what?" And honestly, that's all the time I want to spend there.

6. Auto-Tune: Lil Wayne and T-Pain make appearances on the new recording of "We Are the World," and both use Auto-Tune. Besides what Auto-Tune automatically implies-namely, that you can't sing worth beans-it sounds oddly out of place on this track. Considering the fact that there's an actual rap performed in the latest version of this song, one can't help but wonder-or at least, I can't help but wonder-why the producers didn't see fit to stick the rappers in the rap section and leave the singing up to, I don't know, the Grammy award-winning singers. (Not to mention the fact that the parts where Lil Wayne and T-Pain sing, I'm fairly certain, were originally performed by Bob Dylan, and not to rag on Mr. Dylan, but if he can sing in whatever pitch he wants I think Lil Wayne and T-Pain could exercise a little freedom for themselves.)

7. Jamie Foxx Again: What, did he pay for this recording?! Right after the absurd Ray Charles imitation, "We Are the World" gets an update with what I personally consider a phenomenal rap interlude. As we pan over and get snapshots of the faces of all the rappers included, you suddenly see a flash of ... Jamie Foxx. The only other person who gets nearly as much screen time as Foxx in this video is Kim Kardasian (that's not a joke, either). And it might not be so bad if, in the midst of all the trademark swagger and grit of the collected rappers, you didn't keep seeing glimpses of Foxx that made it look like he was initiating a game of "Which of These Things Is Not Like the Other?"

8. Dionne Warwick Imitations: I was actually pleasantly surprised to realize, while watching the video, that the set of pipes that almost blew me away where Dionne Warwick once sang belonged to Miley Cyrus. Then, out of curiosity, I went and listened to the original track. And I realized that the reason Miley's solo was obviously the part of the song where the great Ms. Warwick once sang was because she sang, note-for-note, practically verbatim vocally, the great Ms. Warwick's solo. There are others who come close to exact imitations of the original singers of their sections, but at least they mix it up a little bit! Nobody tries to sing Whitney Houston like Whitney Houston. Nobody tries to sing Aretha Franklin just like Aretha Franklin. I mean, nobody even tries to sing Bob Dylan just like Bob Dylan or Michael McDonald just like Michael McDonald, and if you can mumble it's not too hard to do! So why either Miley thought, or whoever gave her that section thought, she could get away with, like, zero originality in her solo is beyond me. And speaking of which ...

9. Cyndi Lauper Imitations: One artist you'd think is almost impossible to imitate is Cyndi Lauper. But, bless her, Celine Dion managed to pull it off. Unfortunately, for a power vocalist like Celine Dion to imitate anyone is just sad. And to see Lionel Richie there directing the imitation is similarly sad; I mean, he literally punches out the line for her to sing. The woman sang the theme song to Titanic! I'm pretty sure she could have managed the two lines of the song she got to sing without imitating somebody else.

10. Kanye West and Blank Faces: Okay, I'm throwing two together, because these two are pretty minor points. But, it seemed a little strange that, when they showed the chorus of rappers performing together, you saw a flash of Kanye West not with them. And then, a minute later, he gets his own rap (granted, he shares the spot with will.i.am, but will.i.am is also part of the group rap). So, what happened there? And speaking of what happened ... in the original version of "We Are the World," hardly a shot is shown where you don't see a full chorus of people smiling. The soloists are smiling. The duet pairings are smiling at each other (and standing together, something else that doesn't happen here, which is weird, too). The collected faces in the chorus are smiling. Then comes 2010 ... and in every panning shot of the chorus you may catch glimpses of people smiling, but never as many as you'd like to believe are actually enjoying doing this work for charity. They look about as sincerely happy to be there as Lionel Richie sounds sincere when, at the end of the video, he comes on screen and says, "Wow" in the same voice I'd use to wow a root canal. As if this was better than the original ... Right.