10 Ways to Come Out as Liberal in the South

Most Americans view the South as a sea of Red: a virtual ocean of Conservative Christian voters who walk quickly into the voting booth, proudly check the "Straight-Ticket Republican" choice, and then strut out, high-fiving their red-neck Republican buddies who are wearing matching camouflage caps. While this scenario may be the truth for a majority of the population of the South, there are a few of us who find ourselves living down here, for one reason or another (in my case a husband who cannot fathom living north of Dallas), who remain staunch free-thinking, liberal Democrat Americans. If you are a liberal voter, as well, and life circumstances ever move you down South, I have to warn you do not immediately place a Green Peace sticker on your car and announce to the community that you are liberal! I cannot emphasize enough the grace and finesse it takes to slowly come out of the closet as a liberal Democrat down here! I'm non insinuating you will be physically harmed; but I am warning you that you will get some looks of disdain in Wal-Mart, and some looks of concern about your soul in the pews at church. Therefore, I have come up with a few suggestions about how to let your friends around town recognize your political opinions, while still retain your important relationships. If you are talented enough, and your friends are open-minded enough, they may even listen to what you have to say before the next Presidential election!

Step One: Make them Simply Wonder

This is an initial step in the infiltration process. First, if you went to a liberal university "Up North", or even one that may be known for its progressive ideas, place a sticker from that university on your car, or just wear a T-shirt around town that has the logo (but, I warn you, many people may not recognize the university by name. I had one person come up to me in the grocery store and ask me if Cornell University was in Iowa). By advertising that you have attended a university with "questionable" political ideas, you simply leave your community wondering if any of those ideas may have rubbed off on you. It is important that you just acknowledge that you attended the university, but then say no more. Do not scare anyone off too soon!

Step Two: Scatter Literature/Leave CNN on without Changing to Fox News

Conveniently "forget" that you have CNN on as you welcome company into your home for a visit. Hopefully, there will be a story on that will spur some thoughtful political discussion. If you subscribe to any progressive magazines, like The New Yorker or Harper's, or own any liberal books, like Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States, place them strategically around your house. Again, you may have to let them peruse the articles before they realize that these magazines or books have some liberal ideas-that's okay! Do not make your company feel ignorant about these! You can then open up a productive conversation about any of the material; it is vital that you don't push your opinions on anyone at this point. Simply say that you find the writing "interesting" and/or "eye-opening". They may leave your house starting to wonder if they should give you a copy of the GOP canvassing schedule, but they will still not yet leave your name with the pastor for Christian counseling.

Step Three: Participate in Political Conversations at Church

Engage in this step very carefully! During Bible class at your local church, it is inevitable that the members will speak very candidly about "those left-wing, Pro-Abortion, Communist Americans" who control the media outlets and produce false negative opinion polls concerning Bush. Quietly state that not every Democrat voter is "Pro-Abortion" (and it is okay to clarify that it is Pro-Choice, not Pro-Abortion), and that there are many well-intentioned voters who vote their conscience by voting Democrat. Mention the Scripture that states Christians should not judge others harshly, for by that we will be judged. At this point, the other members of the class will be giving each other looks and mumbling about how they didn't realize they were hurting your feelings. Quickly assure them that you are fine, and that you enjoy these lively conversations where everyone is respectful of each others' opinions. Class will soon end; and although you might be a bit uncomfortable, this is the hardest step! It's all downhill from there! (Take comfort: although you may find your pew at church is a bit emptier for a few Sundays. However, people have short memories, and there will soon be someone else to ostracize.)

Step Four: The Last Step! Put that Democrat Candidate's Yard Sign up!

Hopefully, at this point everyone around town realizes you are a liberal Democrat, but they love you anyway. They may roll their eyes when they walk by your house and see that sign, but they will still pick up your papers and your mail when you are out of town. By and large, the South is a loving, beautiful place full of compassionate people. You may never feel entirely comfortable with a provocative bumper sticker like "Impeach Bush" stuck to the back of your hybrid Prius, but you will be able to laugh with your good friends about your "I am Christian. I am Democrat. Yes you Can be Both" in the window of your compact pickup truck.