10 Ways to Deal When Your Teenage Daughter Tells You She's Pregnant

Your teenage daughter comes to you and tells you she's pregnant. At this moment you are full of shock, anger and disappointment . With tears running down your eyes, you ask yourself "How could this happen?" You feel that you are a failure as a parent. You had numerous discussions of practicing safe sex and even about birth control. Your first reaction is to scream, and yell at her. Here are 10 ways on how you should as a parent deal with the news of a unplanned pregnancy of your teenage daughter.

1. Calm down

Whatever you do don't yell at your daughter. Take a deep breath and walk away if you have to. You don't want to say something that you will regret later, or that you can't ever take back. Right now your daughter needs you and no matter how upset you are, she needs your advice and guidance. She turned to you, not some stranger, but to you her mother. She needs you to love her, not be angry.

2. Ask about the father

Ask your daughter if she has told the father of the baby? If she has what he said, or didn't say. Find out if he plans on helping your daughter with the baby, or ditching her. Also find out if he has told his parents, for if he hasn't you may want to call them and have a meeting only when you discuss with her what her intentions are first.

3. Discuss options

Ask your daughter what she wants to do. If she wants to keep it, have an abortion, or give it up for adoption? More than likely she won't have an answer for this right now because she may be tore by the father's reaction to the news. She also may be in such shock she hasn't even thought about it yet. Remember this is your daughter's decision not yours.
Don't try to push her into anything. It is her body, her life, and you have to let her make this decision. No matter what you think should be done, it is ultimately her that has to make the choice that she can live with.

4. Suggest Counseling

You should ask her daughter if she wants to learn about the different options available to her? You can contact a Crisis Pregnancy Center or a Planned Parenthood in your area and schedule an appointment. They have personnel who will talk with them about their different options, show them videos on abortion, educate them on every aspect of what their bodies will go through, show them delivery videos, and more or less give them opportunities to ask questions that your daughter may not feel comfortable enough to discuss with you.

You tell her that you will take her to the appointment, be supportive. Her world has just turned completely upside down and she probably doesn't fully comprehend what is happening.

5. Schedule an appointment with OB GYN doctor immediately

Make the phone call to schedule an appointment with a OB GYN so you can get your daughter and the baby checked out. They will also prescribe pre-natal vitamins to her, and give her nutrition advice. Until your daughter has made the decision if she is or isn't keeping the baby, your daughter's health is equally important , and it's better to know now than later if carrying the baby could be a risk to her. Your daughter is still a child herself and her body may not be able to handle having a baby. This kinda of news will give you piece of mind and hers if everything is going okay or not, and if it isn't, your daughter will know her life is in danger and the doctor will suggest an abortion to terminate the pregnancy.

I was 19 when I became pregnant and this exact thing happened to me. I had made the decision to keep the baby, but I was so sick, throwing up 24 hours a day, I couldn't eat anything. I was getting extreme pain in my stomach and bleeding. When I went back to the doctor they told me that there was a problem with the developing of the baby in my uterus, that my uterus wasn't strong enough to carry a baby. I was close to two and half months pregnant at this time, I was told I had to have an abortion because it didn't look like I would have a miscarriage in enough time that it could cause me to never have children and do serious damage to my insides if I miscarried later in the pregnancy. I made the hardest decision of my life, I terminated the pregnancy because it was killing me.

I was 19 not younger, it is better to know if there is even a chance that this is really going to happen before you get all upset of how life changing a baby is going to be, make sure your daughter is okay to have a baby or not. She is the most important thing right now. Her health and the baby's.

6. Discuss financial support of the baby

Once your daughter and your grandchild checks out okay at the doctors it is time to discuss things she may have not thought about yet. Ask her how she intends to support the baby? Be sure to let her know she does not have to marry the father of the baby, don't push her into a marriage that will not succeed. Ask her who would take care of the baby while she is at work? Tell her she needs to finish school that there are programs out there that will help her to do just that. Explain to your daughter that if she decides to keep the baby, you will support whatever decision she makes and will help her the best you can to make sure that she can complete her education. If she has to, she can go for her GED, a diploma is better than none, keep that in mind.

7. Support the decision

Once your daughter has made her decision, support it. Don't judge, don't yell, just be there for her. This is the time your daughter needs your unconditional love and attention. If she decides to keep the baby, remember this is your Grandchild, you are going to be a Grandparent. The timing is just off, things do happen in life that we can not change. Be a role model for your daughter. Hug her. Tell her you love her.

8. Look into medical insurance for the baby

If your daughter is on your medical insurance, more than likely she will be covered under the plan but not the delivery or the baby when it comes. Call your state social services unit, in New York State they have medical insurance for pregnant teens and young adults called PCAP, that covers the delivery and the baby's first year if you fall into a certain income. Make the phone calls, schedule the appointments, and go with your daughter to these appointments.

9. Talk to the father's parents

Call a meeting with the father of the baby and his parents. Let them know what has been decided, discuss if they will help out or not , if the father will help out financially or not, usually once the upsetness of the situation calms down, they realize that they will be Grandparents also and will do what they can for your daughter and their Grandchild.

10. Schedule parenting classes

Alot of YMCA's have parenting classes for free for teenagers who are pregnant. Call your local YMCA, Christian Charities, and ask social workers about different programs that may be available to prepare your daughter for parenthood. They will teach her everything she needs to know from feedings, to changing a diaper, to medical emergencies, and nutrition. Help your daughter become a good parent.

Help your daughter out with finding baby clothes, baby furniture through friends, thrift shops, or garage sales. Work on preparing for the baby's arrival together.

Your Mother Daughter bond will grow closer as her due date grows near. The moment you hold your Grandson or Grandchild for the first time, you will forget about ever being angry and disappointed. You will know that the struggle your family went through, was all worth it in the end.