10 Ways Hollywood Can Improve Movies Without Using Imagination

As you have probably noticed, the movie industry has been suffering from a serious decline in quality. To cover up their overall lack of ability, writers and directors will usually just do remakes of any movie that was already successful or will fall back on popular books or historical events. They then proceed to completely negate their own tactic by totalling diverging from the original storyline in a vain attempt to prove to themselves that they really do have some level of creativity. Therefore, I have decided to draw up a list of ways that Hollywood could improve its movies without needing to develop an imagination.

1. Random gunfights

Imagine a normal romantic movie. All the girls are watching googly-eyed as the main characters make out--and also feeling a little jealous--while their boyfriends are bored to tears, wishing they were doing the same things they were watching. Then, without a warning of any kind, a group of armed men jump out and start firing at the main characters who respond by pulling out M-16s and returning the favor. The guys are all cheering and the girls don't feel quite so jealous after seeing the main character accidentally put a bullet through his girlfriend's shoulder. Imagine how easily a story could be manipulated with this added element. The story could change in a heartbeat, openning up opportunities for endless plot twists and hillarious situations...not to mentioned a good deal of action.

2. Random terrorist attacks

This works in pretty much the same way as number one but it also has the added bonus of aiding our government in the War on Terror. If someone cheers for the terrorists they are to be hauled out of the theatre and questioned by FBI agents.

3. Randomness

Never underestimate the power of randomness.

4. Pirates versus Ninjas

Lately, a strange cultural phenomenon has developed based on the question of who would win in a fight between pirates and ninjas(obviously the ninjas would) that could be very beneficial to directors. By latching onto this phenomenon, directors could drastically increase the popularity of their movies by dealing with this question. They could even base entire movies around it.

5. Dancing monkeys

Monkeys are funny.

6. The directors as characters

If you saw the movie Eragon after reading the book, you probably were outraged at how the director constantly diverged from the actual story. Now imagine watching that--or any other movie based on either history or a book--and then seeing the director enter the movie themselves. Naturally, the point of all this is to see the director punished for their crimes as they are brutally killed by the antagonists.

7. Michael Jackson

This element is ideally used in a movies such as Jurassic Park. Everyone hates it when scumbags get off the hook and it would probably be very relaxing and metally healthy to relieve some of your stress by sitting back and watching Michael Jackson being brutually murdered.

8. Robin Williams

Robin Williams is the greatest actor ever born.

9. When all else fails, stick to the original

This should be the first thing the directors try but as we all know, it causes them physical pain. Therefore, it must be kept as a last resort.

10. Mr. Rubinstein

The movie must be edited and approved by Mr. Rubinstein. Trust me, if you knew him, you would understand.

So let's review. A movie based on these suggestions would be about Robin Williams(8), who plays a ninja who hunts pirates in his spare time(4) and lives in a jungle populated by dancing monkeys(5). His archenemy is Michael Jackson(7) whom he has sworn to kill in the most gruesome way possible. Whenver the plot is slow or boring, he is attacked by either random machine gunners(1) or random suicide bombers(2). The director will under no circumstances add anything to the list or remove anything from it(9) or else they will wind up brutally murdered in the movie(6) when Mr. Rubinstein edits the movie(10).

I just know that this is going to be a hit.