10 Ways to Reward Your Tween with Positive Reinforcement

The purpose behind rewarding your tween for their positive behavior, is to instill beneficial behavior patterns for when they are older. It will show them as the get older, when they obey traffic laws, they can drive a car without fear of a fine. When they do a good job at work, they are able to keep their job and eventually get promoted. Rewards help teach your tween, that rewards come from doing the right thing.

It is important that we as parents do not confuse, rewarding positive behavior with bribing them to do what we want. Bribing certainly doesn't teach them anything other than we are allowing them to manipulate us from time to time.

My husband and I were blessed with all boys. We love them dearly, but there were times that I swear testosterone was dripping from our ceiling. The male ego, "I am man" attitude hit our home hard when are boys began their tween years, and the unfortunate thing was; the more that it was allowed at home, the more it affected them at school and church, and other areas of their lives.

We wanted our boys to be assertive, and have the drive to attain their goals as they got older, but we also realized that if we allowed this kind of attitude and behavior to continue, their strong will would be a detriment to them; not an advantage.

I won't bore you with all the details, but my husband and I developed a type of reward system that really worked quite well in helping to channel their strong wills. We were careful to make sure that they understood that it was not a bribe. In fact, we didn't even let them know that we had a concern, or that we had changed things; we just sort of worked it in.

Tween Reward #1

Like most parents, we wanted our kids to get the best possible grades that they could possibly get; and like most tweens, they just didn't see the importance of it. My husband's idea was to give them 'points tickets.' These tickets could be given to mom or to dad for anything reasonable, such a help with chores, take them to a movie. These tickets were only good with mom and dad. For each A they got a half-hour ticket, for each B a 15 minute ticket, for C's nothing, for D's they owed us 15 minutes, and for an F they owed us a half hour.

This worked so good. They worked hard not to owe dad any time. I think they were kind of afraid that dad would have them out scrubbing the driveway with a toothbrush or something.

Tween Reward #2

We took away their allowance. It just about killed our tweens when they realized there would be no more free money. If they wanted their own money, they had to work for it, just like mom and dad did. My husband made a list of chores that needed to be done on a weekly basis (this did not include cleaning their room or helping with the dishes), and listed the amount that he would pay one of the boys to do it. This worked well also, in fact we always knew that they were planning something special with their friends, movies or time at the mall, because they would really hustle during the week to get a bunch of these chores done before Saturday.

Tween Reward #3

The boys could earn a "Special Favor" ticket when they did something for self improvement, such as read a book or work a puzzle. They could then redeem these when they needed a special favor, such as get a ride when they would normally have to take their bike or walk.

Tween Reward #4

The boys would get points for helping others. My parents would have the boys come over at times to have them help out with things that was getting kind of hard for them to do, such as washing windows on the outside, or help mowing the lawn; just whatever needed to be done. Even though my parents would slip them a few bucks, we would give them points. Our system was ten points for ten minutes free time. It can be used as extra time on the computer; whatever they desire(you can set any amount you want). My husband would also allow the boys to cash in points for money after they got several points.

Tween Reward #5

If they study and do well on a test, treat them to a special outfit. I know, you are buying them clothes throughout the year anyway, but this way they feel that they are earning it.

Tween Reward #6

Allow them to have a sleep over where they can enjoy friends. We usually did this one when the weather was decent so we could take all the kids out doing something special.

Tween Reward #7

When we felt the kids were doing especially well, we would give them a bonus; much like they would get on the job. We would give them a ticket that said "4 Hours Alone with Parent of Choice."

Tween Reward #8

They get to choose the restaurant, the next time the family goes out to dinner

Tween Reward #9

One hour of extra time on the computer or TV.

Tween Reward #10

Since they are not old enough they cannot do extra chores to be able to use the family car, but if you have a riding lawn mower, maybe they could toodle around on that for a bit. You will be there to supervise. My boys used to love it when dad would allow them to ride around on our lawn tractor.

Any type of reward system would work great as long as you were consistent. It doesn't take our tweens long to realize that, 'good things come to them that try.'