10 Ways to Tell Your Marriage Won't Work

Someone once said that the number one cause for divorce is marriage. This could be true. The divorce rate in this country is now fifty per cent. That's right; one in two marriages will end in divorce. You stand a better chance of going to the church and instead of having the clergy read the vows, they should flip a coin.

Clergy: Okay, heads we have a wedding, tails, we all go home. Call it, bride.

Bride: Heads.

The Clergy flips the coin and catches it.

Clergy: The bride called heads, it came up tails. Sorry, there will be no wedding today. Thank you for playing. We have some lovely parting gifts.

There has to be a better way. There has to be a way that the prospective bride and groom can determine whether or not they are going to make it in the wonderful world of matrimony, or end up arguing who gets the stuffed, spotted owl as a wedding present.

Of course, living together for a while can give them an idea as to what married life is going to be like. However, that is not always the case.

Because there seems to be a lack of Top 10 lists (he said, with dripping sarcasm), I have developed a list of ten ways to tell if the marriage is going to work out, even before the marriage takes place. And, because it seems like it's been a long time since I've done one of these lists (inside joke)and even longer since I've done one Lettermen style, here we go: The Top 10 Ways to Tell If Your Marriage Won't Work -

10. The bride-to-be is registered at Jacoby & Myers.

9. He wears more makeup than she does.

8. The marriage license has an expiration date.

7. He doesn't believe in premarital sex...just extramarital.

6. The wedding ceremonies will be held at Our Lady of Perpetual Annulment.

5. When you come home, you find dirty dishes piled up in the sink...in the bathroom.

4. The only temperature she knows how to cook on is "scorch."

3. Instead of wedding invitations, you have to send out subpoenas.

2. Your future in-laws have the same zip code.

And the Number One way to tell that your marriage won't work,

1. Your engagement announcement appears on the Obituary Page.

I hope this list has been helpful. If not, well, thank you for playing. We have some lovely parting gifts.