10 Ways to Tell You're Getting Older

A funny thing happened to me when I turned forty. I noticed hair growing out of my ears. At first, I didn't pay much attention to it, but as the weeks went by, it began looking like spiders were trying to crawl into my head.

With much resistance, I decided to trim the hair with a small pair of scissors, but it kept growing back, thicker and darker. Thoughts of hiring a professional lawn service to maintain this unsightly growth came to mind. Then someone suggested "electrolysis." (From the Greek "electro" meaning some sort of electricity and "trolysis" meaning hurting like hell.) This was not an option I wanted to explore.

So, I've decided to chalk it up to getting older. Let's face it, no one wants to admit that they are getting old, so I've adopted the new phrase "getting older". Getting old sounds so cold and rigid, but no one can deny that we are getting older. Getting older just has a nicer more gratifying quality about it.

When you get older you can get away with many things, like forgetting people's names, forgetting appointments, forgetting that was a one way street you were driving down the wrong way. You can always chalk it up to a "Senior Moment." Okay, forty years old is hardly a senior, but you can always say that you are, even if you aren't. Who is going to doubt someone who claims that they are older than they really are?

So, how does one know if they are getting old(er)? Here are 10 sure fire ways:

1. You're spending more and more time in the Clairol aisle.

2. You keep flipping through the channels looking for Lawrence Welk.

3. You got your last eyeglass prescription from the Coca Cola Bottling Company.

4. Seventy per cent of your conversation includes you shouting the word "What?!!!

5. You no longer refer to the colon as a punctuation mark.

6. Drug abuse means taking two stool softeners.

7. You've spent five minutes standing in the kitchen trying to remember what you went in there for.

8. Those Depends commercials have been catching your eye.

9. Your wardrobe includes either white shoes, white belt, or both.

10. Getting up three times a night no longer has to do with sex.

I hope this helps. If not, don't worry. In an hour, you'll have forgotten you read this anyway.