10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Britany Spears

Oops…Britany Spears is in much need of a helping hand for her New Year's resolution list. Here are 10 New Year's resolution suggestions the pop star should consider making.

Resolution One

I will not date or marry a back up singer or dancer. If only Britany Spears had made this resolution two or three years sooner, she would not be playing tug of war with her fortune.

Resolution Two

I will not ignore my personal fitness coach. Ah, it is much easier to gain the weight then to lose it. It is okay every woman including Britany Spears learns this lesson the hard way. It is way better to let the guy go then to sit in silence and let yourself go.

Resolution Three

I will only let my lawyer speak about my impending divorce from Kevin. This one will save Britany Spears the embarrassment of going off in a trailer trashy tyrant about how Kevin was a lazy couch dwelling bastard with no skills or desire to work. The rest of us did not have to marry Kevin to figure that out.

Resolution Four

I will not move my car until all children are secured properly in child restraints no matter how many photographers surround my car. This one will prevent another mishap like she had with her first child. Yes, being mobbed by a group of soulless yellow photographers is scary, but dealing with a child welfare social worker that probable is full of jealous hate is much more terrifying.

Resolution Five

I will not leave my children with Michael Jackson no matter what emergency pops up. This resolution is for everyone. I just think someone really needs to tell Britany Spears since she is under a lot of stress and she is in the same industry as him. Really, who in their right mind would leave children alone with this man?

Resolution Six

I will wow with my previous charm. Please Ms Spears, you were not raised as poor white trash. The world likes racy, not trashy. There is a fine line between the two. Skin tight red leather or school girl uniform is racy; swearing like a sailor with the disclaimer you don't care what other people think is trashy.

Resolution Seven

I will reframe from trying to recapture the teen market. While before Kevin and two kids, it might have been achievable with out too much of an eye roll, now you are mother of two with a soon to be ex. It would not be cool to attempt to push the teen market, it would be sad.

Resolution Eight

I will hire a professional ghost writer to write my tell all book. Let's face it; Kevin is going to cash in with the divorce settlement. Britany Spears must recoup her expenses some how. Hell, this bum didn't even buy an engagement ring with his own money. He deserves to be trashed in hard cover then paper back once the divorce is official. She just needs to hire the best in the business to pen her story.

Resolution Nine

I will only date or marry men who work. While it may be charming at first to have your guy near you at all times, it gets old after awhile. Especially, after the novelty of the new man in your life wares off. After six months, the man of your dreams will morph into a nightmare sucking your bank account dry. Britany Spears need to remember when confronted by a couch dweller's charm just think about Kevin and that ought to keep you far out of harm's way.

Resolution Ten

I will use the six month rule. Hasty decisions often explode on impact. By using the six month rule, many painful and irreversible things can be avoided. Basically, you wait six months to make life altering decisions such as tattoos, marriage, co habitation, and events of the same caliber. After six months and only if you still want it as much as you did six months ago, you decide on it. Trust me, on this one.