10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Lindsay Lohan

It's a shame when a talented actress is more famous for her personal life than her onscreen accomplishments, but such is the case with Lindsay Lohan.

She first rose to fame as the fresh-faced star of Disney movies like Freaky Friday when she was barely a teen. Back then, Lindsay Lohan was wholesome, as PG-rated as the films she starred in. That all changed when she hit 18. A new Lohan was born, one that liked to stay out all night and had a rumored fondness for men, alcohol and drugs. Before our very eyes, America's freckle-faced sweetheart had metamorphosed into a man-hungry, booze-swilling party machine.

But I haven't given up on Lindsay. A new year is just around the corner, and with that comes the opportunity for a fresh start. Here are 10 New Year's resolutions I think Lindsay Lohan should consider, listed in no particular order:

New Year's Resolution #1: Wear Panties
The life of a celebrity is one that is shadowed by the constant presence of paparazzi. A star's every move is recorded for posterity, whether they're striding down the red carpet in Cannes or heading into Whole Foods for a grocery run in Los Angeles. On at least a handful of occasions, Lindsay Lohan has been photographed in a way that makes it clear she wasn't wearing panties. The most recent of these episodes took place in mid-November in London. Lindsay was getting out of a limousine on her way to an event, and in the process of doing so, her ladyparts were exposed (nice wax job, by the way). Some women use extreme heat as an excuse for not wearing undergarments, but this was London in November. Not exactly triple-digit temperatures. Cover up, Lindsay. We've seen enough, thank you.

New Year's Resolution #2: Invest in Double-Sided Tape
Actresses who wear low-cut tops know all about double-sided tape. They use it to ensure that their garment is firmly fixed to their bosom, to avoid the accidental overexposure that has come to be known as a nipple slip. Lindsay Lohan is the queen of the nipple slip. It's no exaggeration to say that her nipples spend more time uncovered than covered, and you can count on her to have at least one heavily photographed nipple slip a month. Double-sided tape would help Lindsay Lohan preserve what's left of her dignity.

New Year's Resolution #3: Go Celibate for a Month or Two
Lindsay Lohan changes boyfriends the way other women change their minds. From Wilmer Valderrama to Harry Morton, Lindsay's bed is seemingly a carousel on which all the pretty horses ride. I'd be the last one to criticize someone for embracing their sexuality, but I can't help but feel that Lindsay's behaviour stems from some sort of neediness, some sort of void that she is seeking to fill in all the wrong ways. So give the boys a break for while, Lindsay, and take the time to discover who you really are.

New Year's Resolution #4: Go to College
There's nothing like a college education to put things in perspective and broaden your view of the world. Right now, Lindsay Lohan's world is a narrow one, ruled by one word: party. Perhaps some time spent in the hallowed halls of learning would help deepen her awareness. Open a book, Lindsay. Learn something new.

New Year's Resolution #5: Never Go Blonde Again
Lindsay Lohan as a redhead: awesome! Lindsay Lohan as a brunette: spectacular! Lindsay Lohan as a blonde: can you say tacky? Being the adventurous soul that she is, Lindsay's hair color has run the gamut, from her natural red to black to blonde. The first two work well, but a blonde Lindsay Lohan had me thinking I'd somehow stumbled into a Sizzler on the outskirts of a trailer park. As a blonde, her tresses looked fried and abused, and only served to highlight how prematurely worn this very mature-looking 20 year-old can sometimes look. For 2007, Lindsay Lohan's New Year's resolution should be to never go blonde again.

New Year's Resolution #6: Show Up For Work
It seems like an obvious thing; if someone's paying you millions to be in a movie, the least you can do is show up on the set prepared to give it your best shot. But apparently this was asking too much of Lindsay. On a recent project, she was sued by producers who claimed that she was often absent or late, and that her behavior resulted in millions spent in additional production costs. I appreciate that you love the nightlife and that whooping it up with the boys after dark is important to you, Lindsay, but remember what pays the bills. If you don't show up for work, people will stop hiring you. And then you'll have no money to spend indulging your party-girl ways.

New Year's Resolution #7: Stay Home More
Every day there are new photos of Lohan on the Internet taken from her booze-o-rama the night before. Stay home more, Lindsay. Take up a hobby, maybe knitting or crossword puzzles. Or maybe use the time to focus on your career. Since you haven't had a hit in years, I think this sort of focus would do you good.

New Year's Resolution #8: Hire a Driver
Driving is not Lindsay Lohan's strong suit. She's been involved in more than one fender-bender over the past few months. Thankfully, no one has been hurt, but who knows what the future holds? For the sake of other drivers and pedestrians, Lindsay, get a driver. The roads would be much safer without you behind the wheel.

New Year's Resolution #9: Hire a Nutritionist
Lindsay Lohan was a chunky monkey, then a skinny minnie whose gaunt frame had people saying she was anorexic. Though she seems to be at a healthy weight now, it's clear she has diet issues. Also, her erratic behavior leads me to think that maybe she suffers from some sort of chemical imbalance. A nutritionist could help clean up her diet and make sure she's healthy and well.

New Year's Resolution #10: Follow Your Heart
There will always be people (like me) out there judging you, Lindsay, and putting your every move under the microscope. But the important thing is that you listen to your heart and make your own decisions. Good luck and be well.