10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Mark Foley

With New Year's Day around the corner, many people set forth in search of self improvement and make resolutions. There are people out there who need so much improvement that the task of making resolutions seems to be an unattainable goal. Mark Foley is such a creature. Being a charitable sort of gal, I figured I would throw him a list of 10 New Year's resolution suggestions tailored made just for him to help him on his personal quest for self improvement.

Resolution One

I will cancel my AOL account and I will not use AOL products. Mark Foley's time on AOL was an exercise in self destruction. Since AOL was the means of his moral fall, it would be best for Foley to ditch his instant messaging habits. Resolving to kick the AOL habit would do wonders for Foley.

Resolution Two

I will not talk to teenagers. Mark Foley suffers an inability to distinguish proper conversation topics verses improper conversation topics while speaking to teenage boys. This whole thing can be avoided by not speaking to teenagers at all. Resolving to avoid talking to teenagers will keep Foley's nose clean.

Resolution Three

I will not drink. Mark Foley admitted that alcoholism had a hand in his torrid conversations with male pages. By resolving not to drink, Foley will have the mental capability to make better choices.

Resolution Four

If Foley should slip on resolution three, it is imperative that he sticks to resolution four: Do not compose emails or instant messages while under the influence of alcohol. Nothing good can come from typing up a short message while tanked. Once an email or instant message is sent, there is no sure fire way of taking it back.

Resolution Five

Never leave a paper trail or electronic trail. If Foley had said his sweet nothings in person, there never would have been any substantial proof. He would still have a kick butt job as a congressman; and he still would have appeared kosher. This resolution will prevent any future social blunders from being document-able.

Resolution Six

I will stop wearing stage make-up. While many politicians wear make up to improve there image on political talk shows and local news interviews, Foley wears just a little too much. Now with him out of the closet, the last thing he needs is to appear unmanly. The make up does not flatter Foley or many of the other politicians that wear it. This resolution stops Foley from looking like a fool.

Resolution Seven

I will appear less like a wounded child and take responsibility for my wrong doing. This resolution will take Foley far. Even though what he is accused of doing is despicable and inexcusable; the public will at least be able to say Foley took responsibility for his actions. Humans are prone to making mistakes. Forgiveness comes to those not making excuses. Adults do not act like desolate children when busted. This resolution will do more for him then any rehab clinic can.

Resolution Eight

I will do one interview on prime time. Resolution eight helps Foley complete resolution seven. While I would recommend staying away from Fox News Channel, I certainly think Larry King on CNN could restrain himself from knocking Foley around too much.

Resolution Nine

I will apologize to the pages and their families. It is important that Foley himself apologizes. So far, only his attorneys have expressed Foley's regret for his actions. Foley needs to utter the words: I regret my actions and any emotional damage it caused the pages and their families; I can not fix what I have done, but I am sorry; I am not sorry for myself getting exposed but sorry for the pain I have caused to others. This resolution will help Foley move forward: He must accept and acknowledge before moving on with his life.

Resolution Ten

I will not write a book. Foley will get book offers; it is only a matter of time. While many people have gotten ill gains by penning their dirty laundry down on paper, Foley needs to resist the temptation. The last thing he needs is a secondary backlash that makes him fall off the wagon and rejoin AOL.

There you have it, 10 New Year's resolution suggestions for Mark Foley. Sure his career crashed and burned and his reputation is shot to hell, but everyone can benefit from some self improvement.