10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart

Always so full of useful household tips and cooking advice, Martha Stewart deserves to get some back. Here are some useful and meaningful tips to help Martha Stewart make 2007 the best year ever.

# 10. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Wear all black at least once a week. It's cool. It's hip. You publish a magazine, you can be a little "New York artsy" every once in a while. Just think back to the days when you were and Art and European History major. Give the pastels a slight rest.

#9. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Write to your prison pen pals.

You promised all the gals you would write when you left prison. You swore up and down, on your good China. You had good intentions, but running a major corporation and hosting your own television show can be time consuming. Stop being so selfish and write those poor prison girls the letters your promised.

#8. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Resist the temptation to buy and pharmaceutical stock.

In fact, let a professional handle your entire stock and investment portfolio. Just revel in your high-paying dividends and leave the rest to the hired investment professionals. Investing is the one arena from which you should take a long, long step back. After all, it's not like you don't have plenty of other pet projects to keep you busy.

#7. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Market your own Martha Stewart Designer Fragrance.

We're all dying to find out what you smell like, Martha Stewart. Okay, maybe not. But wouldn't it be fun to create a gingerbread-scented fragrance with undertones of fresh lemons and perfectly-roasted turkey with fresh garden-grown thyme? Anyway, you can see thepossibilities of marketing your own personalized scent.

#6. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Adopt an underprivileged child.

Angelina has her hands full, Martha, and could use your help. You know how to make the perfect home, and any child who lived with you would certainly be well-fed. Why not share the wealth, and your home, and take a little of the burden off of Angelina. This New Year's resolve to do your part for the kids!

#5. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Really get rid of those stockpiled furs that you hide in your closet.

Now that you publicly support PETA, it's time to throw out the furs. Sure, you've stopped wearing them in public, but where are they? You need to get rid of them or destroy them. Stop going home after work and jumping in the pile of fur coats in your walk-in closet.

#4. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Stop denying your feelings and send that Valentine to Howard Stern.

Imagine the media power the two of you would have when you married. All you have to do is admit your feelings and send that home-made Valentine card to him. After all, 2007 for the Martha Stewart Omnimedia-Howard Stern conglomerate the rest of the media world has been fearing. Bigger than AOL/Time Warner, faster than a J-Lo divorce...well, you get the idea.

#3. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Go with your natural hair color.

That's right. It's time yet again to set another positive example for aging women in America. Let those grays show through that flaxen blond hair.

#2. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Updated your MySpace.com page.

You let your MySpace.com page fall to the back burner, Martha. You still have old photos from before you lost that weight in prison. You never blog anymore, and frankly, I am about to removed you as my friend. Please do better to keep up with your MySpace.com page in 2007. Thank you.

#1. New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Martha Stewart:

Just say "yes" to Dancing With the Stars.

You've turned them down since the show premiered, but 2007 may be the year to give in to their requests and show off your dancing moves.

Hopefully, Martha, you will have some time to consider these 2007 New Year's Resolutions. We're all happy to see you out of jail, and wish you the best in 2007.