10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for President Bush

Our dear president could use about 25 New Year's resolutions, let's face it, but I've managed to narrow it down to the 10 that I think he could benefit from the most:

1. Curb the sun damage. Seriously- it ain't pretty. You should look into either dermabrasion or a mini-peel. At the very least start wearing a high-SPF sunblock. Also, if you could cut out some of the harder drugs it would help- they can be aging to the skin.

2. Learn correct pronunciations of words. Mispronunciations can make people look foolish and uneducated. If you ever aspire to get a real job, you may not be taken seriously by your peers. Nuclear is a prime example- surely by now you could figure out how to pronounce it?

3. Do something about your wife's frozen smile. I know that PR people will tell support people to smile like that (believe me, I know), but seriously- it's creepy. If you could get her a hand mirror and encourage her to practice realistic facial expressions I would be most appreciative.

4. Quit going to that ranch. We know that you need to be there a lot to keep residency for tax purposes. We know that you enjoy throwing hay around and wearing boots. We are just sick of seeing you hanging around a ranch when you could be working like the rest of us are.

5. Start vetoing stuff. You are the only president to make it almost six years without a single veto. You did finally veto something, but it is a little late in the game. How is it that you are signing pretty much anything that anyone hands to you? What? You don't know why that is?

6. Find out why that is. I don't sign a form at the dentist without reading it in full. How is it that you spent almost six years without vetoing anything, even when the legislation had hundreds of irrelevant things tacked on? Do you really not read that stuff? A little less ranching, George, and a little more reading.

7. Quit talking to foreign leaders. No one likes it, least of all the foreign leaders. And stay out of the U.N.- they can't take a joke anyway.

8. Resign. You're cool and all, but I've always really wanted to see a president resign. I wasn't around for Nixon, and Clinton just missed it by a hair. I would really enjoy seeing that if you think you could swing it.

9. Read the Constitution. There's all kinds of cool stuff in there, and much of it may give you a clue as to why your approval rating is what it is.

10. Quit starting wars. Yeah, they may seem like a good idea at the time, later on they have a way of sneaking up on you and making the country look kind of bad. There are other things that you could do instead of starting wars. Some people enjoy golf, others swimming, and still others enjoy reading that afore mentioned Constitution. Thanks.