10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise: major hottie, doting father, terrific actor, dedicated Scientologist... and complete psycho? After Tom's meltdown on The Oprah Winfrey Show in May of 2005, things started going downhill for the mega-star. Only two good things happened to Tom in 2006: The birth of his only biological daughter, Suri and the release of Mission Impossible III. Come on, Tom. Follow these New Years Resolution suggestions, and you might be making a comeback in no time at all.

RESOLUTION #1: I WILL SEND THANK YOU CARDS TO ALL THAT ATTENDED MY WEDDING, INCLUDING THE MEDIA..
You did it, Tom. congratulations. You shook off the bad press regarding quesions about your sanity and sexual preference. You're a married man, albeit to a woman about half your age. Looks like the mid-life crisis is finally over. Now, just be sure to be a gracious host and send thank you cards to everyone that attended you wedding - ESPECIALLY the media. After all, you were just given another 15 minutes.

RESOLUTION #2: SHOULD KATE AND I HAVE ANOTHER CHILD, WE WILL GIVE IT A "NORMAL" NAME.
Dude, your name is Tom. Your fiancee's name is Kate. Your childn't name is.... Suri??? Um, okay. Sure. Maybe you just spelled "Sara" wrong. Seriously, though. Don't take a page out of Gwyeneth's book and name your next child after a fruit. What about Mike? Or Michelle?

RESOLUTION #3: I WILL NOT MAKE DEROGATORY REMARKS ABOUT OTHERS IN PUBLIC.
What you did to Brooke Shields was just plain wrong. I'm glad that you apologized to her in September, 2006. However, you should never have said anything against her - and her condition - in the first place. Make sure it doesn't happen again.

RESOLUTION #4: I WILL RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE'S FURNITURE.
'Nuff said.

RESOLUTION #5: I AM GETTING TOO OLD FOR ACTION MOVIES.
Tom, you're getting old. And you're short. You don't have the action hero physique of Arnold or even of Harrison. You play the intellectual dude that runs and tries not to get his butt kicked. Move over and let some new guys in. I hear the guy from Casino Royale is fabulous... Time to find yourself a new genre. You were on the right path with Jerry McGuire. What happened? Choose some better scripts.

RESOLUTION #6: I WILL BE NICE TO NICOLE AND MY OTHER CHILDREN.
Why don't we ever see pics of you and Katie with the kids that you adopted with Nicole? Just because they were adopted doesn't mean that they aren't yours. You really need to step up and show some responsibility there. Set an example for other adoptive parents that have divorced and remarried. It's a big deal.

RESOLUTION #7: I WILL STAY OUT OF THE UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
Tom, we know you're a Democrat. There is nothing wrong with that. And we know that you've got money. There's nothing wrong with that either. You can go ahead and contribute to Hilary Clinton's Campaign. Just do us a favor and don't make any commercials about how great she is or whatever. Using star power to elect a president is a cop out. Seriously.

RESOLUTION #8: I WILL DO MY JOB.
Whether you are a producer or an actor, just do your job. Come to work on time, be nice to people, and stop being so demanding. Yes, you're Tom Cruise. We know that. When you die and get to the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter asks you who you are, don't get offended. You're going to be just like the rest of us. By the way, there's a saying that goes "Be careful who you step on during the climb up, because you'll have to pass them on the way down." Follow that. And, I know that you're a Scientologist. It doesn't hurt to be prepared, just in case.

RESOLUTION #9: I WILL RESPECT MY FUTURE IN-LAWS.
I have heard about the distress you are causing Katie's parents. And, why wouldn't you? You are nearly as old as they are. But, that's fine. Just make sure that you respect them. They are, after all, your future parents-in-law. You'd think that, after losing your dad in 1984, you'd be thankful that you had another chance for that type of relationship.

RESOLUTION #10: I WILL ACCEPT OTHER RELIGIONS.
You're a Scientologist. That's fine. But, please realize that there are many other religions out there - specifically Judiasm and Christianity. The United States of America was founded on Judeo-Christian values, whether you like it or not. There is also Hindu, Shinto, Greek Orthodox, Muslim, and many many more that were created WELL before Scientology. Okay, Scientology helped you get over your dyslexia. Congratulations. A teacher helped my sister work on hers, but we're not worshipping the altar of him, nor would we force others to do so. Religion is a private thing, and a choice. Accept and respect the choices that other people make.