10 New Year's Resolution Suggestions for Tom Cruise

And so another year has come and almost gone, 2007 has almost reached us. While many people prepare for their New Year's Resolutions feverishly, we can not forget celebrities or politicians in this time of year. After a very public Tom Cruise year, I felt that suggesting resolutions for him was just plain needed.

10. Let Katie Act again

Come on, Tom. Katie is years younger than you and as a very beautiful woman, she can bring in the money. I know, I know. You dislike the idea of her becoming another 'Nicole Kidman', however, her marrying you pretty much makes her the next one. Generally, when you marry another actress, they have qualities that are very, if not eerily, similiar to each other. Such as, oh, both act? I don't know. One of these days you're going to look in the mirror, realize you're too old to play the suave and alluring man (can we say LeStat?) anymore. Many mothers do both, working out of the home AND being wonderful parents. You don't own Katie, if she wants to act, you let her act again. I mean, if you didn't want an actress of a wife you could've married 'common'.

9. Accept You don't know everything about medicine

You are not a God. In fact, you're not even a doctor. So while you preach about Brooke Shields and how she's a bad mother for taking a drug to help with depression, take that into consideration. You never got a PhD in medicine know-all and while you may have an opinion (which is a lot different than actually being licensed to state your findings) many of us don't want to hear it or just plain don't care. All it does is make you seem like a jerk who has to have his way or the highway and gives us something to laugh about. Thankfully, Brooke was above your immaturity and didn't fling the proverbial poo back at you about Xexu.

8. Explain Suri's very asian appearance

We all awaited her pictures, Tom. Even I did and I, for the most part, strongly dislike you. And then there it was. You, Katie and a VERY extremely asian-looking baby named Suri. Now while I can understand the dark hair and cherubic appearance as traits of her mother, everyone I know has been wondering how you could possibly get an asian-looking child when last I knew, you only played a Samurai in a movie and were not asian in the least. I'm also certain Katie isn't, having seen her parents and herself. I think it's a good time to explain why Suri looks as she does. Did the real one not survive and you needed the time to adopt a new child? Or perhaps Katie wasn't even really pregnant? Come, now, Tom. We're waiting.

7. Divorce Katie

We all know hollywood romances tend to not last. There's Lucy and Desi, Ryan and Reese, Nicole and what's his face.. oh you! So what better way to go throughout 2007 than publically announce after oh.. say 7 months of marriage you're divorcing. We'll even throw in the oh so juicy story that Katie went back to work and caught the eye of the still younger than you, Leonardo DiCaprio. You throw around an obvious affair going on, showcase your insecurity and even with no legit proof, divorce her. I'm certain it'll create even more of a headline than when you and Katie got married. Hey, it could do your career really good.

6. Never appear on Oprah again

Hooray. You love her. That's wonderful, I won't begrudge any guy or gal a little happiness when they realize they're in love. But come on, to yell out your love is one thing to jump on someone's COUCH is completely another. I even tell my 4 year old to not jump on the couch. Geeze. You think this would be like, the first thing you'd not want to do - showcase how immature you are on air by jumping on a studio couch. I'll admit, I wanted it to break under you, but that's beside the point. Either you really did love her that much and have a strange way of showing it, or, you really didn't and you had to compensate by acting like an ape on air. Either way, it became a big laughing stock amongst almost all who saw it. Do yourself a favor, you want to jump around on stuff, avoid Oprah and head to Springer.

5. Admit Scientology is a Cult

We all know this pretty much, but, yet you praise what scientology has done for you. Can we say drain your wallet? Now, I understand rankings, my grandfather was a Mason and to get further up you have to pay, but come on, Tom. Who in their right mind would PAY to advance in a religion? I'm sure we'd have guys left and right paying billions to become the next Pope. Yeah.. no. Donations are one thing to keep a church going and in good shape, but to be CHARGED to advance is just downright stupid. The sooner you admit it's a Cult or hey, we'll even go with elitist club, the better. Besides, admitting is the first step to recovery.

4. Come out of the Closet

Yes, yes, South Park upset you. Now, as someone who is friends with heaps of gays and lesbians, not even that upset them. Sure, it offended most to consider YOU a homosexual, but beyond that, generally people don't throw an infantile fit like you did. So either you're homophobic or you are really gay. I know Scientologists have to be pretty anti-gay, so, in order to stay cool if you are gay you couldn't obviously say so. Look at the stink that was caused when John Travolta was going to play Edna in the remake of Hairspray. Now, I, personally, thought you were gay since um, Interview, actually. You never did see LeStat express interest in a woman and he was all TOO anxious at jumping on Louis in the cemetary. So if you are gay, come out, it's okay. In fact, it might make you cooler.

3. Apologize to Nicole for, well, everything.

Man, just apologize. For everything. From marrying her to divorcing her. She is AWESOME. (And did I mention, your age?) Now I'll let you have the adopting bit. That was cool on both your parts. You adopted two children who needed parents. That's wonderful, kudos to you. But you did get pretty mean to Nicole, I mean, you even stated that with Katie you'd not have another Nicole. Apologize to Nicole, man. It takes a lot of work to be a mother, a wife AND an actress. And besides, it did get her away from you. Then again, you did her kudos on that, didn't you? She isn't as bad as you made her out to be, seriously. Be a bigger person and teach your kids some good manners. It's okay to say, "I'm sorry." and move on.

2. Begin a new Romance

This one comes obviously after you divorce Katie, or, well, the real reason why you're divorcing Katie. Doesn't matter who as long as they're your age. I'm sure that whomever you move onto next will make headlines buzz with gossip and intrigue. It seems no matter who you date you just can't go wrong with getting front page news, so it's just plain obvious that the future Mrs. Cruise #3 will be creating a bigger buzz than your divorce to Nicole and marriage to Katie could ever do combined. I'd aim for someone who was at least a teen when you were in Risky Business, you may have more to talk about, since you truly seem the type to enjoy talking about yourself.

1. No More Movies

You honestly haven't had a good movie that I can remember in years. In fact, if I recall, The Last Samurai wasn't remotely good. I keep thinking back to the days of Top Gun and begin to realize those may have been the last decent movies you were in. The more and more movies you star in that flop, the worse it makes you look. Maybe now is a time to reconsider your career since you're very well off. I'm certain you're very smart and the world IS your oyster. But I just feel that your past your prime for movies. Don't worry, though, it happens.

Unfortunately, Tom, I could only come up with ten. I feel that sometimes the best way to move forward and in a positive direction is constructive critism lined with humor. While some seem more serious than others, I'm sure whatever you personally decide to make as a resolution (If you DO write resolutions) will be just as wonderful as my list - perhaps better since you know yourself better than I ever will.