10 New Year's Resolutions for Recovering Perfectionists

If you are a recovering perfectionist, congratulations! And welcome to the club. You deserve some credit for getting this far. Unlike die-hard perfectionists, those of us who are 'recovering' have opted for more fulfilling lives and stronger, happier relationships. We have an obvious history of always striving for perfection. Over time however, we have learned just how impractical that goal is. There is certainly nothing wrong with striving for excellence and always doing one's best. But becoming a perfect person is an unattainable goal.

This article presents a few resolutions that can probably be of benefit to anyone but are specifically targeted toward those who have chosen to trade in their perfectionist ways for a happier existence.

1. Do something you're not good at - and enjoy it! If you're a true perfectionist, you've always thrived on what you do exceptionally well and avoided as much as possible activities that you're not good at - even activities that can potentially be a lot of fun. Accept an invitation by a friend or family member to engage in an activity that you have either never tried or never been much good at. Give yourself permission to flop; at least you found the courage to try, and for that alone you can be proud of yourself.

2. Focus on the positive attributes of others. Since perfectionists tend to be highly critical of themselves, it's natural for them to also be highly critical of others. The next time you find yourself harping on the shortcomings of another human being, stop and look at the whole person. Everyone has strengths and shortcomings, including you. By focusing more on the strengths of others, you will generate much more positive energy and the noticeable change in your attitude will be greatly appreciated by those who know you.

3. Take time to reward yourself for a job well done. You're forever ready to top your last performance with the next big accomplishment. This can be a strength (in moderation), but it can also rob you of the joy of everyday living. Each time you accomplish something, stop for a few minutes, hours or even days and do something that you enjoy. If you're afraid that taking a break will result in slacking off completely, commit to getting back to work at a specific time and stick to it.

4. Reach out to someone who genuinely cares for you. It's easy for perfectionists to get lost in their own goals and activities. If you have a skill or talent that you wish to share with the world, by all means do so. But even apart from your capabilities, you have something valuable to offer, and that is your heart. There is someone in your life that cares much more about you the person than about your accomplishments. Reach out to that person and let them know how much it means to you that they love you just for who you are.

5. Turn honest mistakes into learning experiences. Mistakes REALLY hurt one's pride, don't they? The perfectionist's answer to this question would undoubtedly be "Yes!" Of course, he or she might also mention that they rarely, if ever, make a mistake. But trust me, it happens... Since perfectionists tend to get their self-worth from a job well done, a job that is not well done can send them over the edge. If your ego deflates every time you make an error, it's time to alter your perspective. With every mistake comes an opportunity to learn and grow. As long as you live through it, you can come out better, stronger and more knowledgeable than you were when you started.

6. Learn to accept criticism gracefully. Not all criticism is bad, and criticism is never a reflection of your self-worth. No matter how difficult this may be, avoid getting defensive as much as possible when being criticized. Unless something major is on the line (i.e. your job, your marriage, etc.) you really don't have to defend yourself at all. As the matter of fact, some people will criticize you just to bring you down or gain a little attention for themselves. As for those who are only trying to help, be willing to at least consider their viewpoints and advice. Even if you disagree, don't let your confidence be based on having the last word.

7. Admit to not having the answer. It's hard for a perfectionist to admit that they do not have all of the answers. But who really does? While it's true that some people seem to know a little about almost everything, no one knows it all. The next time someone asks you a question you don't know the answer to, don't be afraid to say "I don't know." This can be extremely challenging if you are a parent or professional being sought out for answers, but it's better to be honest than to mislead someone. If it's critical for you to help the person, you can always commit to finding out the answer to their question and get back to them as soon as possible. If it's your child who is asking the question, you can help them research the answer. By doing this, you will be teaching them to become resourceful human beings.

8. Love yourself for who you are, not what you do for a living. You are worth more than your job, bank account, or next big accomplishment. Careers change, people lose their jobs, the curtain falls and accolades fade. At the end of the day, you're still you and you still have value. Many people have written about the happiness they felt after they stepped down from that prestigious position (even if it resulted in a significant pay cut) or made a major career change. They opted for personal fulfillment, and they felt much better about themselves in the long run.

9. Be patient with yourself. This is especially critical when engaging in any new undertaking, such as a job or relationship. Perfectionists tend to want everything to work out - well, perfectly - and this is an unrealistic expectation when entering a new situation. There are things to learn, adjustments to be made and hurdles to get over with each new endeavor. Your track record may be one of excellence, but you must allow yourself time to get there again and be able to hold your head up high even if the end result is not as you had envisioned it.

10. Practice patience with others. There is only one you. You have your way of doing things, and others have theirs. Your way may not be the best way, even though it seems to work just fine for you. Few people can stomach a "Know-it-All" for a long period of time. If you are impatient with others, you will miss out on the depth and fulfillment of human bonding. While you may gain respect for your knowledge and ability, you will alienate those who desire the freedom to be themselves without judgment or ridicule.