10 New Year's Resolutions for Singles

I will never forget the year that I met my husband. Having determined that there were some definite patterns in the mess that I called my love life, I decided that I had some inner work to do. My focus at that time was on unloading as much of the emotional baggage that I carried around with me as possible. Between my inner work (which was a 24/7 project) and my 9-5, I was quite busy! Needless to say, I am still a work-in-progress, but I am much better off now as a result of my efforts.

One of the most amazing discoveries I made during my quest for a better "me" was the abundance of love that I already possessed. Quite ironically, the one thing that I had been longing for more than anything else, I already had an ample supply of. It was when I came to this realization and committed to channeling that love appropriately that I met my husband. Interestingly, we met during the month of January, which is psychologically a time of new beginnings for many people. And as I reflect on some of the New Year's Resolutions that I made prior to meeting my husband, I would like to share them with you. You may not be actively searching for love, but if it's at the very least a long-term ambition, I suggest that you read on.

1. Look Inward First. Are you ready for true love or merely addicted to romance? Having been on both sides of the fence, I can attest to the fact that true love, though not always as exciting, is much better. Romance addicts are more likely to find themselves in a string of relationships that mirror rollercoaster rides than they are to establish healthy partnerships. While true love offers many opportunities for romance, romance alone will not set the foundation for a fulfilling relationship.

2. Love and Respect Yourself. Self-love and respect are ideal but not as easy to come by these days. We live in a society that makes it hard to love ourselves. Images are all around us of whom and how we should be. Most of us do not make the grade when we try to measure up to these unrealistic standards. And feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness can lead to poor decision-making in all areas of life - including love. While self-love and respect are not always so easy to achieve, the more you work at it, the better position you'll be in to love and respect a partner.

3. Forgive and Move On. Were you betrayed by a former lover? Still feeling the sting of rejection? Learning to forgive and let go is essential if you ever desire to experience a fulfilling love relationship. In addition to forgiving others, you must also learn to forgive yourself. Whether you exercised poor judgment in the past, committed wrongdoings that caused others pain, or blew a great opportunity, the past is the past and you will not be fully prepared to move on until you let it go.

4. Re-evaluate Your Standards. What qualities are most important to you and why? Are you setting your standards too low or too high? Extremes are generally not a good thing, so strive instead for a happy medium. Your soul mate may not fit society's ideal, but they will be just right for you.

5. Go Solo. If you have a fear of being alone, you will want to work toward overcoming this. Though I love to spend time with family and friends, I have also had some very memorable moments alone. Whether I was sitting in the first row at a concert (you tend to get better seats when you go alone), eating a meal at one of my favorite restaurants, or going to the movie theater, I was enjoying myself. And even though I am now married with kids, I still get away from time to time and do things by myself.

6. Find Your Passion (Outside of Romance). There are other things in life to be enjoyed besides romantic partnerships. Take up a new hobby or renew your love for an old one. Become a volunteer for a non-profit agency. Participate in sports. Travel. Take up photography. There are a number of fulfilling activities out there to get involved in. Not only will these activities bring you joy - they will also make you a much more interesting person to know!

7. Be Open and Honest. True love can only blossom on fertile soil. If you are bitter, distrustful or harboring secrets that are likely to resurface at some point in a relationship, your soil is not fertile. Sometimes the longer one is single, the harder it is to break down the walls that were built so many years ago. However, you can begin to chip away at these walls one bit at a time. And there's no better time to start than the present.

8. Learn to Manage Temptation. Temptation is all around. But just because something is within your reach doesn't mean that it's worth taking. Likewise, just because something is not within reach doesn't mean that you're missing anything! Understanding this is the first step to controlling temptation when it arises. By managing temptation, you will leave yourself free and open for a relationship that is worth having.

9. Avoid Self-Righteous Thinking. You are not perfect. No one is. And even if you can identify major flaws in every former relationship partner that you have had, you too have flaws. Some of us have more visible or pronounced flaws than others, but we all have them. And if we spend too much time focusing on what's wrong with someone else, we are wasting valuable time that could be spent working on ourselves.

10. Learn From Those Who Raised You. Whether the parents or guardians who raised you are living or deceased, you can learn a lot about yourself from the lives they led. Understand that their strengths can also be yours, but their shortcomings don't have to be. Patterns of abuse, infidelity or promiscuity do not have to be passed down through the generations, regardless of the statistics. Our parents are often our best teachers, whether they taught us what to do or what not to do. If you find yourself engaging in the same self-destructive activities that your parents or guardians once engaged in, know that with time, determination and perhaps even professional help, you can break the cycle.