12 Tips for a Successful Maternity Leave

If you're like me, after you see that little pink line on the home pregnancy test and the initial rush of joy and fear has passed, you'll start to think about the future. And since I'm shallow, I wasn't thinking about starting a 529 plan or playing foreign language tapes so my baby could learn Chinese in utero. Nope, one of my earliest fantasies was about how great it would be to not work for twelve weeks.

I've been lucky enough to be employed full-time since college, so maternity leave was going to be the first chunk of real time I'd ever had away from work. I was full of big plans. After the first couple of weeks, I figured, there would be no reason I couldn't cook a lovely dinner every night, fit in an Olympic-level workout every day, reorganize my entire house, see all the friends I can't keep up with during real life, and oh, say, learn photography on the Internet. (After all, I'd want to take a lot of pictures of our princess. And hey, I could probably learn to scrapbook during my maternity leave, too.)

Sure, I'd be taking care of my darling. I knew that would take a lot of time. But I would have, I kept telling myself, all day. For three months! And everybody knows newborns don't do anything except eat and sleep. Why couldn't I get lots done while she napped?

I didn't understand why my friends who were already mothers laughed hysterically when they heard my grandiose plans.

"You'll never do all that!" my best friend told me. "Think about it. Babies take an hour to eat, and they eat every two hours. You'll be lucky if you get ten minutes to load the dishwasher."

And much as I hate to admit it, she was right. My twelve weeks went by in a blur of sleep deprivation and mindless television ("TNT! We know drama!"), and some days I didn't even get to brush my teeth until my husband came home. Nothing got done, and we ate a ton of pizza. But I did spend many hours with my precious little girl, and that's exactly as it should be.

So here are my 12 tips for a successful maternity leave. It's all about preparation, setting your expectations, and focusing on what the maternity leave is for: Your baby.

1. Don't plan to "get things done" during your maternity leave.

You won't do any of it, and when your leave is over you'll feel you failed, when in fact you did exactly what you should: Took care of your baby. If you can't let go of the idea of being "productive" during your leave, set low expectations. Something like, "I'll write all my thank-you notes." That will about cover the time your baby leaves you, seriously.

2. Prepare for the baby ahead of time.

Most first-time Moms don't need encouragement on this one -- we all go wild doing the Pottery Barn nursery and buying out Babies R Us. And there isn't a Dad alive who hasn't run out to the store at midnight for something the baby needs right now. But if you're a procrastinator, go against the grain just this once, and make sure you are prepared for baby before you go on maternity leave. You don't want to be washing paint off your hands before you change a diaper. And don't forget to prepare the things you need for yourself -- comfortable clothes, breastfeeding supplies if you're doing that, maybe a space planned on your first floor so you don't have to go up and down the stairs for a few days.

3. Understand the terms of your maternity leave.

Well ahead of when you expect to deliver, contact your Human Resources department so you know the company policy on maternity leave. Because of the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), at many companies you are entitled to take twelve weeks off and have your job held for you. But getting paid while you're off? That's something different. At my company, it's covered as disability, with six weeks for a regular delivery or eight for a c-section. Any unused vacation gets sucked up into your leave. You will want to get all the paperwork done ahead of time -- there is a lot of it for you, your manager, and your doctor. And make sure your partner knows who to call at the company, if your leave starts unexpectedly.

4. Think about the money.

If you take twelve weeks off work but only six are paid, you'll be doing without your salary for half the time you're away, and you won't believe how many things you'll want to buy for the baby. Make sure you've planned so that, within reason, you won't have to stress about the budget while you're on maternity leave.

5. Leave work at work - completely.

See #1 above. Really, don't plan to get any professional work done during your maternity leave. Meet with your manager to plan how you'll transition your work to someone else while you're gone, and if at all possible make sure that happens before your maternity leave begins. Set ground rules for contact from the office while you're out. Who's allowed to call you and how often? Answering a question or two might not be so bad (you might be grateful to talk to an adult for ten minutes) but don't let yourself get sucked into working from home. You will probably regret the lost Mommy time, and you won't do your best work anyway.

6. Let Daddy help. You have to sleep sometime.

Sure, newborns sleep a lot -- just not all at once. You, on the other hand, are probably used to six hours solid. And you're not going to get it as a new Mommy. If you're like me and you can't do catnaps, after a week you'll be hallucinating from sleep deprivation if you try to take care of the baby all by yourself. Add that to the hormonal effects of pregnancy detox, and you will be miserable at a time when, you tell yourself, you should be blissfully happy.

You will feel like you should do a hundred percent of the baby care because after all, you're the one who's off work.. And you're the mother. But sometimes it's just not possible. Remember that you'll be recovering from pregnancy and delivery - which might have included major surgery. All new parents are chronically tired, but if you're literally exhausted, your maternity leave will be ruined and you won't be the best Mommy you can be.

Work things out so your partner, or Grandma, or a friend can take care of the baby so you can get some uninterrupted hours of sack time, if not every day then every other day. I figured out that I needed at least five hours in a row to feel sane, which meant someone else had to do only one feeding if I timed it right. I got over the guilt pretty quickly. It just felt so good to sleep, and I enjoyed the baby a lot more when it was "my turn" again. Plus, your partner might appreciate having solo time with his child -- sometimes, especially for a first baby, the Daddy feels left out.

7. If you have post-partum depression, deal with it.

You'll have some follow-up visits with your obstetrician during maternity leave. If you think you have more than a mild case of baby blues, ask for help. Short-term use of an antidepressant won't hurt the baby even if you are breastfeeding, and you'll bond with your little one much more easily if you aren't crying all the time. You do not want to look back on your maternity leave as the darkest time in your life.

8. Set some ground rules for visitors.

Both in the hospital and when you come home, decide who can visit, how often, and for how long. If you're married, this can be a delicate negotiation: I'd have loved to have my mother for two weeks since she's a nurse and makes great Chicken Marsala, but I could have done without my mother-in-law commenting loudly on my "attributes" when she wouldn't take a hint and stand outside the curtain while I was breastfeeding.

9. You and the baby are not on an island.

Although you do need to limit visitors in the first few weeks so you can conserve your energy and focus on motherhood, try not to become too isolated with the baby. This is especially true if your baby is born in the winter months, and you're stuck inside. At the very least, plan a couple of fun outings in your last couple of weeks. The baby can go out by then, and mine was happy to sit in the pumpkin seat looking angelic while I showed her off to my girlfriends at lunch. That's one of the things I did right during my maternity leave - I took a little fun time.

10. Take care of yourself, too.

I'm talking about the basics here. Your baby adores you no matter how you look, but you'll find yourself slouching around in sweats decorated with spit-up, and having to think about when you last got a shower. Buy a few clothes that look nice, if you can't fit into your pre-pregnancy wardrobe just yet. And find the time each day to take care of yourself. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel -- I learned this somewhere in my second month off.

11. Round up some help with the chores.

You may think that because you aren't "working" while you're on maternity leave, you can handle the new baby plus all the cooking and housework that are so hard to accomplish during real life. Not so! Babies create more mess than you could ever believe, before you have one. And, you'll need all your energy -- and then some -- for your infant. This is especially true if you've got other children. They'll need your attention too, and you really won't have time for anything else until your new one starts sleeping through the night. Which, if you're lucky, is about when you'll be going back to work. If you're not organized enough to make and freeze meals before your maternity leave -- I wasn't -- it's okay to get by on takeout for awhile. Either hire your cleaning done, or let the house be messy for awhile. You don't need the stress.

12. Focus on your baby, and let everything else go.

Do you remember what it was like the first time you fell in love? How giddy you were. How you couldn't think about anything except The One. How it felt like there was nobody else on Earth but you two. That's how it is with your baby -- only more, and deeper. Whether your mother love comes in a rush in the delivery room or builds gradually in your first days together, you'll be in love like you never were before. In love with a tiny creature who depends on you for life, and is a complete mystery. And who is, in the end, your beating heart outside your body.

So take your maternity leave for yourself and your baby. You'll never have such an intensely focused time with your child again, and you're wise if you take hold of it with both hands. Let everything else go. You won't regret it.