13 Foolproof Tips for Parents to Avoid Teen Depression

Did you receive a phone call or e-mail from your teenager's teacher reporting that your teen dozes in class and sometimes does not pay attention in her subject? Did the report card of your teen show mostly C's, D's or F's? Do you find your teen awake until after midnight? Is your teen having a hard time waking up for school? Did your teen get a detention for excessive tardiness? Does your teen complain of some falling out with friends? Does your teen bug you with moving to another school? Did your teen drop out of sports, hobbies or music lessons? Does your teen admit trouble concentrating? Does your teen feel irritable and indecisive? Does your teen start paying less attention to their appearance and hygiene?

If the answer to the questions above is mostly "yes" for the last two weeks, set an appointment with your mental health provider for a counseling session. Your teenager is definitely experiencing adolescent depression.

Statistics on Teen Depression

An article in www.about-teen-depression entitled "Statistics- Adolescent Depression" revealed the seriousness of this illness. The article noted that "one in eight adolescent may suffer from depression. Around 70% simply struggle through the pain of mental illness or emotional turmoil, doing their best to make it to adulthood."

If left untreated, teen depression will contribute to juvenile delinquency and an increase in criminal episodes. The worse scenario, if there is no intervention; many teens may resort to suicide.

Tips for Parents to Raise Emotionally Healthy Teens

1. Be slow to lose patience with your teenager

Often times, parents are guilty of reacting quickly, without thought, to a teenager's negative behavior. Parents tend to think that teenagers should be able to "get it" by this stage in their life of what they expect from them. Unfortunately, a teenager has so many distractions. It has been said that the wiring of their brain works differently. They are more impulsive. They are more of heart than head.

Avoid confrontations with your teen. Be slow to lose your patience.

2. Be constructive with your teenager

Take the various circumstances in the life of your teenager and use them in a constructive way for their growth. It is important to spend a few minutes to an hour each day with your teenager. You can start with a light topic then go to his interests. Identify the different circumstances he is faced with in his life. Then, begin to ask how they feel about it. Use your knowledge and experience to relate to their circumstances. You can use as an example some stories in your youth. Tell them on how your own parents dealt with you in similar circumstances. Focus on helping him find something constructive in his feelings and attitude towards circumstances.

3. Don't treat your teenager as a possession or an object that can be manipulated

Parents unknowingly exercise some degree of dominance with their teenager. Though parents view themselves as open and rational, their teenager surprisingly perceives them as manipulative.

Many parents feel that their teenager must submit to the family hierarchy. Parents deem their teenager way beneath them in this hierarchy. So, the freedom of the teenager is limited to what the parents will allow them to have.

Unconsciously, parents treat their children as possessions. They feel an absolute right to control all areas of their teen's life. Some go to the extent of withholding so much privilege from the teenager, like setting strict curfews and standards with their friends. As a result, the teenagers feel very manipulated.

4. Find no need to impress your teenager with your greatness and power

Parents boast a lot to their teenager of their successes in their youth. Parents like to brag about their awards, medals and accomplishments. They go on and on with their exploits of successes in school, work, and other important areas in their lives.

Though you want to be a good role model for your teenager, it also demonstrates to your teenager your greatness and power. This implies that the pressure to meet the parent's expectations is so immense. Teenagers feel like a failure when they compare themselves to their parents.

Teenagers think success can be achieved in a short period of time. The teenager's concept of time is not like an adult. So, they feel inadequate that they can achieve the same success as their parents.

5. Do not belittle your teenager for acceptance is important

Don't underestimate the teenager's need for acceptance. A teenager is a confused being. Teenagers struggle to find their identity. A parent, during this period, must avoid putting them down. Do not think that because your teen has grown physically, they will emotional mature in the same proportion. Many parents think that since teenagers are older, they can handle frustrations better.

Teenagers need to feel accepted by their parents especially if they choose to dress differently. Teenagers have different ideas and thought processes. Parents must be ready to hear them out. Parents can refrain from putting judgment immediately.

It is important not to belittle your teenager from his narrow viewpoint of life. Accept your teenager in whatever stage they are in their adolescent years. Stay tuned to the variances in their opinions.

6. Do not show rage with every little mistakes a teenager makes

As a teenager goes to this period of searching for his identity, they tend to make big time blunders. As a doting parent, you tend to have some set of action plans on how to help him. Sometimes, a parent takes time to discuss personal concerns with their teenager. Parents think that teenagers will follow your advice to the letter. You will be surprised that a teenager has a penchant for testing their various options.

Sometimes, a teenager makes mistakes over and over again. In the beginning, a parent is patient. But due to your own stresses in life, there are many days that emotions rage in your head. You just have to show your wrath. Then, it feels like there is no turning back. You just find yourself being irritable to every slip-up a teen creates.

7. Do not nag and keep score on all the mistakes of your teenager

It is tempting to keep a score on all the mistakes of your teenager. This is because he is beginning to use his reasoning faculties to undermine your authority and family rules. To be defensive, a parent tends to keep track of their mistakes. And, when the teenager experiences a major distress, the parent cannot help putting it over the teen's head that they should have listened in the first place.

If your teen is continually making bad decisions after the other, resist nagging. Let go.

8. Be happy when your teenager stands up under the pressures of life

It is unimaginable what a teenager goes through in school and among peers. They are faced with pressures to belong even if it against the values they have learned from you. But, they are open to ridicule outside of home.

Many teenagers possess a double life. They are a tough cookie in school and among friends and another person at home. They cuss and swear in school. At home, unless there is a freak accident or they know you are away, they tend to blurt it out. The reality disappoints you.

If your teen goes to Church service with you, give them abundance of praise. If you see them showing a great deal of respect, verbalize your admiration. Make a big deal out of it.

9. Let your teenager know that you are not giving up on them

You are fortunate when your teenager is able to articulate their frustrations. Many teenagers give up on their parents. Be patient when your teenager starts talking about their favorite sports, academics, teachers, and friends. If the conversation becomes negative, thresh out what they are trying to say. Work with them patiently towards a solution.

You will notice that even if you give them words of encouragement; they will still feel like giving up. It is easier for them to give up than to sort out their frustrations. When a teenager sees that you do not give up with them, they will realize that there is room for improvement. They won't despair.

10. Trust your teenager even if at times they don't trust themselves

A teenager loses their confidence quickly. Many of their peers are outspoken and rude. In public schools, the peer pressure undermines the abilities of many teenagers. Even if they want to do extraordinary things, their peers weaken their spirit.

Remind your teenagers about their talents, capabilities and dreams, then tell them that you trust them even if it appears they do not trust themselves.

11. Never say "there is no hope for you" rather let them understand the depths of your concern

How many parents find themselves at one point and time exasperated with their teenager? You hear yourself saying "There is no hope for you" and then you regret it. Your teenager appears unaffected. But, being a highly emotional creature, your words stab them.

If you reach the point of frustration with your teenager, recognize that this is a very normal response. However, do not say statements that you will regret later. Instead, when there are no solutions at hand, focus on letting them know that you care about them so much. Some teenagers will find this cheesy at first. But, if you make it a habit, it warms their heart beyond compare. You see them gliding as they walk. Their spirits go up.

12. Never forsake you teenager even though many of their friends did

If your teenager spends suddenly a great deal of time at home, then it is possible that their friends have abandoned them. Do not be tempted to ask the details. Observe the teenager and find an opportunity to let them know that you enjoy their company.

Literally ask your teenager if they have some suggestions on what to do while they are at home. And, when your teenager allows you to spend time with them, enjoy it and laugh a lot. At first, they will find you weird, but teenagers laugh over little things. You'll be surprised that before they go to bed, they think you're cool.

13. Stand with your teenager when they reach rock bottom of despair

One of the common traits of a teenager is their tendency to feel that they are in such huge despair. Their world is crumbling. It could be that they lost the love of their life. Or they did not make it to 1^st place in the finals of their sports or club. The reasons for their misery may be trivial. But, for them, their fear of hopelessness is real. For the teenager, that point is the pit of a hole. They have no idea how to get out.

At a moment like this, your challenge as a parent is to let them believe your love. It may entail talking to them at length and then demonstrating your affections with a hug. They may resist it at first but do not leave them. Like a wounded dog, they will try to drive you away. They probably do not want to burden you further.

But reassure them of your unconditional love and compare it with the perfect love of our God. God is patient. Tell them, they need to patient with themselves that this grief will be over soon. Then, just listen.

In conclusion, a parent's role in preventing teen depression cannot be denied. Parents should not feel complacent that it will not happen to their teen. It might be too late by then. The 13 tips above will help parents provide a healthy emotional environment in their teen's turbulent life. The essence of the 13 tips to avoid teen depression is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It is all about unconditional love.

Source:

"Statistics - Adolescent Depression", www.about-teen-depression.com

"Depression", Norman Wright, Christian Counseling Library

"1 Corinthian 13:4-8", e-bible.com