13 Stupid Questions with Queensryche

Shiprocked is a cruise departing in November from Ft. Lauderdale that features Queensryche, Skid Row, Tesla, Ratt and others. Several months ago, as part of our Shiprocked promotion, we at RUFKM got in contact with Queensryche's manager, Jeff at Rock Star PR.

After several rounds of emails, their manager graciously sent a copy of American Soldier and agreed that Geoff Tate would answer our "13 Stupid Questions." We were quite shocked as we were pretty sure that all the members of Queensryche were born without a sense of humor or reality as they sell CDs on their site for $18.95 and T-shirts with a close up of Geoff's dome for $35.

With that said, the new album is actually pretty damn good. Since American Soldier covers some pretty serious subject matter, we said that we would ask a few serious questions so that Geoff could both show he had a sense of humor and be able to express his views on war and his involvement in philanthopies.

It seemed like a win-win. Then..... nothing. After a few weeks, their manager sent the following email yesterday: "Thanks again Captain Boondoggle but we'll pass... Good Luck. Best - Jeff"

We were quite baffled but just like our famous stalking of Jani Lane's manager....we would not stop. These questions HAD to be published.

So, we sent a few emails to the webmaster of Queensryche.com and Jonas Wetherby, the guy that runs their online store, agreed to answer all of our questions. Kind of. He doesn't listen very well as he mostly just tries to sell us shit.

We must warn you. This interview gets fucking weird.

Jonas is a hardcore Queensryche fan, proud of his job, and.....is a bit disturbed. Regardless, at least someone from the QS camp finally answered. For more interviews were we actually talk to someone in the band (Tesla, Anthrax, The Last Vegas, etc) check out our "13 Stupid Questions" section.

So.... Heeeeeeeeeeres Jonas!

1. Geoff, even though you rock like you have the stature of Godzilla, you are actually pretty damn short for a lead singer. Wikipedia lists you at 5′6″. Name three other lead singers shorter than you. For an added level of difficulty, you cannot use Ronnie James Dio.

Welcome to the Queensryche store! We're glad you stopped by. Take a gander. Peruse. We have several new editions including official Queensryche panties for just $20.00 each! I'm wearing a pair right now!

2. In a related note, how do you respond to the vicious internet rumors that you were actor Warwick Davis' stunt double in Leprechaun 4: Leprechaun In Da Hood?

How about some Queensryche pajama pants for the amazing low price of $22.00?

3. For your information, the word "Taint" is defined as "the flap of skin between the balls and asshole. It 'taint' the balls, it 'taint' the asshole." With that said, what is your chosen method of destruction if someone calls you Geoff Taint of Queefshreik?

Ahhh... there's nothing like opening up a nice bottle of wine for that romantic night with your significant other while listening to Operation Mindcrimein the background ($18.95). Make it even bettter with a Queensryche wine opener! Only $52.00! (Does not include wine or significant other.)

4. It is widely known that you chose to name your band Queensryche because of your obsession with Spelling Bees and Freddie Mercury. Why have never grown a lip sweater to fully pay tribute to this rock legend?

Nothing compliments a sharp oufit like our unisex Queensryche shoulder bag. Only $50.00!

5. When Quailsrape plays Operation Mindcrime I&II live, as the singer, you play the main character in this musical saga. Please explain the character's motivation to wear a black leather jacket from Burlington Coat Factory, black Nikes from 1989, a shiny black leotard top, and skin tight black 501 jeans that gives you an impressive Moose Knuckle.

It's Thursday! Sounds like a night out with the ladies! What a perfect time to show off your new Queensryche necklace! Only $20.00!

6. We attended Quillsrake's concert in Merrillville, IN in 2006. During this tour, was it standard that the audience would scatter like cockroaches under a neon light after the second song ofOperation Mindcrime II, or was it just that particular concert?

Speaking of Operation Mindcrime II, how would you like to purchase a special edition of that album for just $30.00? It includes Geoff Tates' toenail clippings and a six pack of Queensryche branded Red Balls to stay awake while listening to it!

7. In a related note, on your website you include a free Quackwreck Operation Mindcrime II CD with every purchase of $80 or more. Haven't your fans suffered enough by purchasing $80 worth of cookie cutters, laptop bags, and BBQ sets?

I'm sorry. Hold on a moment. I was born without a soul or sense of humor, just like my employer. Have you been misspelling Queensryche the entire time on purpose? I'm sensing that you are mocking me and I will not stand to be mocked in my own store as we have a strict mockery policy. I designed the cookie cutters myself and I will be damned if you will insult my own artwork.

8. How many of your crazed, obsessed, living in their parent's basement fans have given you scripts for Qbertsgeek's Operation Mindcrime? With that said, how did you like the 93 page script we gave you? Would you describe it as the "shitiest shit in shitland" or the suckiest suckfest in sucksavania?"

Profanity is another thing we at the official Queensryche store we will not stand for. I've written my own script for Operation Mindcrime and it is incredible. As expected, Geoff stars as Jesus and fights an evil race of Wookies while wearing a bathrobe made of tin foil .... but there's a twist! In my version Geoff has a third nipple. It makes more sense in context. I masturbate to page 17 of my script on a nightly basis.

9. Since it is not Earth, in what frontier is Hear in the Now Frontier actually heard?

That frontier would be known as heaven. Heaven is where the angels and Geoff lives. This entire interview is blasphemy! You have blasphemed! He only flys down to do concerts for us and to pay my weekly salary. But please, for the love of Geoff, please buy something as even Jesus enforces a quota. Have I mentioned that we have a few items on clearance? We have Queensryche thongs for $5.00 and spankees for $7.00.

10. Queenscrack and Sir Mix-A-Lot are from Seattle and were successful about the same time as the grunge explosion, a genre obsessed with flannel, heroin, and whining. You and "Mr. Lot" have been accused of trying to cash in on this genre by the dance version mash-up "Baby Got Smack/Jet City Junkie." Defend yourself.

Besides Geoff, my other favorite person in the entire world is Jeff, Queensryche's management at Rock Star PR. Jeff and Geoff. Isn't that adorable? That's actually him wearing the boots on the cover ofAmercian Soldier. We all got together, had a pint of Jesus Juice each, and then got naked and tried on the boots. Jeff's pair was extra dusty so his made the album cover! He has really nice cuticles.

11. Queefleak's American Soldieris an amazing concept album. As described on the album cover, it explores "the consequences of war." Describe your inspiration and how the interviews were compiled. You have been involved with several philanthopies and seem to be quite generous when you aren't charging your fans $35 a year to use the official Queensrace message board. What charities are you currently involved in?

I enjoy a nice slice of cheese on my toast in the morning. If I'm running late to get to the store, I make sure to keep an extra slice in my cargo shorts for later. Mmm. Velveeta.

12. We're both amazed and impressed by your unwavering support of our troops. How do you respond to the recent news that the military has chosen the band Hinder to use as musical torture?

I'm not sure if you are aware, but Hinder's hit song "Lips of an Angel" is about Geoff's lips. Geoff's supple, moist, lips.

13. Since American Soldier is a very serious album. "If I Were King" is one of the best songs on the CD with an infectious chorus. When playing it live at Shiprocked, to give the song extra emphasis, will you wear this outfit and is this the (Burger) king you're referring to?Thanks for stopping in today! Make sure to let your friends know that we have several new editions in the store including a gray fleece robe with an embroidered logo for just $65.00!