13 Things Every 13 Year Old Boy Should Know

Last fall, my son turned 13. (Come back 10!) Less the occasional attitude, it is nice to see him grow up and I find myself enjoying his personality on a whole new level. He is becoming an adult. It seems like just yesterday the "army guys" were still on the ledge of my bathtub (in an entire platoons) and Hot Wheels were "off-roading" in my potted plants. Not any more.

Today, it is a phone call telling me he is leaving where he was and going somewhere else. I just notice he is gone a lot more...and I trust that what I have taught him will carry him through. We also leave him alone for longer periods of time, because he isn't a baby anymore. But all this wondering and alone time makes me wonder if he knows what he needs to know in a pinch. Does he have the practical knowledge to hang in the adult world?

Outside of minor good judgment problems here and there, I find myself comparing his skills with the skills of his friends more and more. I am amazed at how much some of these boys aren't being taught. So....here goes. Here is a list of 13 things every 13 year old boy really should know how to do.

1. How to Build a Fire

Most boys love fire. So, take time to teach them how to build a good fire, so they are less curious and know how to do it right. The rules of fire safety will come into play as you create a fire with them. Key lessons include:

- Where to build a fire (fire pit, hole in the ground - nothing around, fireplace, etc)
- Contain the fire
- Kindling the fire (what NOT to burn)
- Keeping the fire going
- Making the fire stronger (without pouring gasoline on it)
- Never leave a burning fire
- How to put the fire out
- Wind caution

At 13, you should be able to trust your son to build a fire alone (with an adult nearby)...and accomplish it safely.

2. How to Make a Baby

Obviously, this is not to encourage making a baby, but to be sure they are fully aware (if they do not already know) how a baby comes about. Get over the awkwardness of this conversation - you are the parent. If you haven't already, the straight talk about sex needs to come into play for their own safety concerning disease transmission. Boys will hear so much, you are doing them a huge favor by ensuring they know the facts.

Allow your son to ask questions on each topic you cover, too. I was surprised when we had this conversation with my son, though I swore he already knew, that he did have questions that were really obvious to me. It just goes to show that as mature as they may act, some dots are just not yet connected...or they have heard so many versions of the truth, they just aren't quite sure.

3. When to Fight

Though I do not encourage fighting, I think there is a time to fight. Obviously, never hit a girl or provoke a fight. That is a given. But our son knows that we understand a fight if:

- Someone is physically hurting you.
- If you are defending someone who cannot defend themselves (a girl against a boy, a younger child, a smaller friend who is ganged up on or outnumbered, an elderly person or handicapped individual that is getting hurt by someone stronger, etc.)

4. Maintaining Mode of Transportation

At 13, the primary mode of transportation is a bicycle or skateboard. Wherever your child should roam, they really need to know how to fix whatever it is that got them there...so they can get home. Take a moment to make sure you child knows how to fix a bike chain.

My husband firmly believes that my son should also be able to change a tire on a car. At 13, I am not sure how totally appropriate that is...but my son knows. All it really takes is one lesson...and one attempt on their own with limitless time, and they will never forget. More importantly, they will never be afraid to change a tire on a date. They will remember how (or at the very least not be intimidated...because they did it once.)

I am kind of with my husband. Learning things at 13, is a lot easier than teaching an impatient teenager with attitude something. So, give it a go! Teach them while they still slightly care and aren't solidly entrenched in the mindset of "That will never happen to me! I am going to live FOREVER!" Capture the tender years while you can and give your boys something to lean on.

5. How to Mow the Lawn

First of all, I firmly believe once your son turns 13, you should never mow your lawn again. But that's just me. Still, when our son started mowing the lawn at 8, he was all over the place. Lawn basics are such a good thing for a boy to know and boys shouldn't be allowed to do it "slip shot." If they don't cut close enough to the tree, make them go back out there. If they don't mow in a pattern (rows), take them to the yard and show them how it should be done and tell them next time, they will re-mow it if it is not done correctly.

My sister once questioned, "Sure, but how do you get them to do it in the first place?" Easy: take away their phone, PlayStation or car/car insurance if they don't. Or my husband's personal favorite..."If you don't do it now...with a decent attitude...I will give you another chore." That usually works.

Please bear in mind we make "working" a family affair. If they work, I work. This allows them to feel like they aren't doing something for me...while I sit. We work together.

6. How to Pump Gas

When a boy hits 13, they should know how to pump gas for a lot of reasons. One, you can have them pump it for you. Two, by the time they are 16 they will be a pro. Three, they can fill up their own gas can if needed for a dirt bike or lawn mower.

Next, they need to understand gas types and the cost per gallon - and which gauge to watch. This isn't something they can learn anywhere else. As parents, we must teach them. 13 is a great age of mastery because they can understand it completely.

7. How to Use the Stovetop: Stovetop Basics

Just a few pointers on the stove top:

Number 1: Grease and water don't mix!
Number 2: Boiling water is 212 degrees HOT. So, whatever you are cooking, if it is boiling (bubbling)...it is 100+ degrees hotter than your body temperature and WILL burn your skin.
Number 3: If the stovetop is on the "1" setting it will cook slowly. If it is on HI or "10" it will burn the outside and not cook the inside.
Number 4: Pam, Butter or Oil will keep burning anything and substances sticking to the pan.

My pastor (of all people) once told me about making a small bomb in the 1950's - an innocent endeavor - with all of his friends, the oven and stovetop! (And it blew up in the kitchen!) That was enough to convince me - these lessons matter! Simple steps on the stovetop will make a world of difference if you son is trying to replicate a dish (like grilled cheese) in your absence. If your son knows these four things, he should be fine with just about anything!

8. Using a Gun; Gun Safety

It may start at 8 with a Nerf gun, but it won't be long till he wants an Air soft gun or BB gun. Then...here comes the Paintball phase and then the friends that hunt - which introduces real guns. (Make no mistake, an air soft gun can do its own damage and a Paintball gun could just about knock you over! They hurt!) But it is important that a boy is taught some very basic things about any gun such as: Never point it at a person, keep the safety on or the gun unloaded entirely when not in use, and store ammunition separately and the basics of how to use the gun.

We are not hunters, but my nephews have had guns since they were 7 or 8 for hunting and I feel a heck of a lot safer with a gun in their hands than my son! This last year, we have gone through the gambit of guns and our share of problems. But just recently, I am starting to feel more comfortable because my son is mastering how to use the guns he has, when to use them and where.

If you have a son, I believe it is better for them to have a working knowledge than no knowledge at all. It will not be long before they have friends that have guns for hunting, fishing or recreational guns like air soft and paintball guns. You don't want your son to be in the dark on these issues - for their own safety and the safety of those around them.

9. How to Respect Authority

All of their lives, boys will have to respect authority if they want to be successful. At 13, this starts with adults they encounter every day: parents, teachers, coaches, principals, police, security guards and even store/restaurant employees. There is nothing cool about being too cool to be courteous, particularly if you have done something wrong. Teaching humility and the simple act of an earnest apology is a lesson far too many parents ignore. If you haven't stated this expectation to your son clearly, you might want to revisit it.

This includes saying please and thank you, yes sir and no ma'am, and avoid talking back or an argumentative tone (worse, instigating aggressive behavior.) This also includes facial expressions and gestures that would deem them disrespectful, such as eye rolling, shrugging or crossing your arms. Lastly, ensure they speak when spoken to.

When kids are little, you might hear things like, "Little Johnny is so good, until his mom is around." This implies that the child is acting better when the parent is not around. I think this does happen until...say...13. Hormones are a crazy thing and you can bet that if they are disrespecting you at home (as a parent), it could be 3 times as bad with someone they think they won't see again. These lessons start at home and will save them a lifetime of grief.

10. When to Shut Up

My son really struggles with this one. He needs to constantly be reminded to just be quiet and not argue. This starts at home and will come into play in so many venues of life. If you have an arguer on your hands...stop arguing with them or allowing them to talk back. This is easily accomplished by repeating the same phrase. If you do not give your child new ammunition to argue, they run out of things to say.

In addition, advise your child that by remaining silent, they are keeping the upper hand. When one is silent, no one knows what they are thinking and cannot dispute or argue. Silence is a tool...a weapon of sorts, and your son needs to understand that the key to winning is shutting their mouth. No argument will ensue, no quarrel will commence, no disrespect will transpire, no secret will be shared, no gossip will spread, no blame will be placed, no one will be guilty....if you are silent. So, shut up.

11. How to Treat a Girl

Boys need to be reminded that girls are to be treated with dignity and respect - and above all, as equals. They need to know girls that are too forward, likely need their affirmation, not physical attention. And, they need to be equipped with tools to get out of a situation where a girl is instigating behavior they might get swept up in, but don't really care about the girl. Talk about this situation and give your boys cool things to say to get out of situations they may not even want to be in, but are reluctant to shy away from.

Boys need to understand that if they don't demonstrate Southern Values of respect, someone else will steal their girl! Be sure to teach your son how to WOW a date! If you do not, friends and television will define a "good date" for him. Here are a few old fashioned tips that still totally work to impress a date:

- Pay
- Never use the word Fat around girls.
- Let her go first through a door.
- Stand when she enters the room.
- Offer to pick her up at the door.
- Get the car door.
- Don't just drop her off. Walk her to the door.

Though your son is only 13, you need to pound these things in NOW. So, when he meets a girl that is worth the effort, he will know how to win her - and treat her right. Even at 13, they are meeting one another here and there...and if these little things are in your sons mind, he will pull them out of the hat when he cares.

That is so important...that he KNOWS. Give him the leg up on how to be a gentleman. At the very least, he will know what to do when the time is right. I love my son. I want to give him every opportunity to shine. This is a way, as cool as he is, to equip him to stand out among other boys.

12. How to do Their Own Laundry

Mom isn't going to be around to do your laundry forever. This is a lesson that really needs to kick in about 13. Listen, if you want your ball uniform clean, clean it. As a mother of four, I can only do so much. I am not wonder woman. By 13, everyone in this house should be fully competent with the washer and the dryer...and the appropriate settings.

13. Internet Safety

These days, Facebook and Call of Duty are rampant! Our kids can talk to whomever...whenever and it is downright scary! We need to ensure they know boundaries of the world wide web connection. These include:

- Don't give away your identity; name, where you live, last name, birthday, etc.
- Know when to seek help for bullying (or others you see) and DO NOT bully.
- Remember: Comments on Facebook can be seen by all.
- Pictures are forever. (Sex-ting is easily forwarded via phone or Internet!)

If you haven't reviewed these basics with your kids lately, you might want to.

Overall, there are a million things a 13 year old boy should know. But in the end...these 13 will save you a ton of time, set them up for success and help them protect themselves in this wild-wacky world of adults! Good luck. I have a sneaking suspicion we will ALL need it...including our boys!