20 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Your Class

Sometimes, the teacher just takes you over the edge. Sometimes, you just don't care. Sometimes, you'd much rather be at the beach. Sometimes, you need to shut up and listen. This is one of those times; here are twenty excellent ways to get kicked out of class.

1) Read Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged in the middle of your big-government loving teacher's lecture. Or if your teacher is a libertarian/minarchist, read the Communist Manifesto during their lecture. Make sure not to answer when the teacher calls on you, pretending to be or actually being engrossed in your reading. This works much better with history teachers.

2) Talk in class, and when the teacher tells you that you are not allowed to talk while she is speaking, tell her not to talk while you're talking, and the problem is solved. Teachers can't stand talking back.

3) Bring a box of matches to class. That should be well enough to get you kicked out. Or if that isn't enough, light the match. Or if that isn't enough, burn your multiple choice test during class, yelling "Death to Scantron!" and then burning the American flag in your class as you run out. Oh wait; this is kicking yourself out of class.

4) Every time your teacher makes the slightest reference to religion, scream out "Separation of Church and State!". Or wave a sign saying "Ain't no such thing as god, son".

5) Everywhere you have to sign in (library, computer lab, etc.), write a pseudonym such as Monica Lewinsky or Al Gore. Eventually, you will get kicked out.

6) Ask the teacher if you can go to the bathroom. If the teacher refuses, ask again. If she refuses a second time, say that she has no right to put a restriction on the release of your bodily fluids. If again she refuses, go to corner of the room and complete your business.

7) Wait until you're about to sneeze, then go right in front of the teacher and let it all go. Say you have the flu.

8) After you're done with your watter bottle, twist the cap on tight. Next, twist the bottle up so that it looks like a funnel, building up pressure in the bottle. Aim the bottle at the teacher. Now, slowly twist off the cap, but when the cap is about to fall off, twist it quickly. Laugh as the cap goes straight for the teacher.

9) Rub your shoes in nasty mud and goo, and then sit in your teacher's seat. Put your feet on the desk.

10) Play ping-pong, using your schoolbooks as paddles, on top of the teacher's desk. Cut off part of a projector screen to use as a net.

11) Replace the American flag in your classroom with a communist "Hammer and Sickle" flag. Dress up like Stalin while doing this act. Like number one, this works better with history teachers.

12) Sneak under your teacher's desk and tie her shoelaces together. When she gets up and falls over, laugh louder than anyone else and taunt the teacher with shouts of "NOOB!"

13) When giving a speech, randomly start spouting out political or social propaganda. Try to focus on whatever is directly opposite to your teacher's views. Brownie points if you declare the uselessness of school or the evils of teachers' unions.

14) Jump out in the middle of class and declare today Olympic field day. Take the American flag in your classroom and try to use it for pole vaulting over a desk. Next check it at your teacher, with your excuse being javelin practice. Lastly, take your class's book and throw it at your most hated classmate for "the discus competition".

15) Sometimes teachers newspaper clippings or posters which they have an emotional attachment to. Rip those all off. Then, get the most scandalous articles from the last few weeks' issues of the National Enquirer and super glue them all over the room.

16) Wear roller skates in class and do pathetic tricks as you walk to the pencil sharpener, teacher's desk, etc. If the teacher tells you to take off the skates, jump on their desk and roll over all their stuff. Then, take off your skates and your socks. Stick your feet in your teacher's face, and ask her what grade you get for the assignment.

17) Bring an equivalent number of cookies to the number of kids in your class to your class. Pass one cookie to each kid, saying that it is your birthday. When you get to your teacher, tell her that you are sorry, but you ran out of cookies. Proceed to hand her one of these disgusting cockroach lollipops as a birthday treat instead. This works best if your teacher is vegetarian.

18) Press the emergency button in your classroom to send a message to the office. Say something stupid like President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran said on his visit to Columbia University on 9/24/07: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country," and "In Iran we don't have this phenomenon, I don't know who told you this."

19) For show and tell, bring nothing. Then announce that you brought a hobo and point at your teacher.

20) Get caught writing an article for Associated Content, then as you're being kicked out, try to refer them to be a CP.