2007 NBA Draft Lottery Pick Preview

After reading some good (and lots of not-so-good) 2007 NBA Draft previews of the lottery (er, top 14 picks) I've come to the conclusion that it is literally possible for anyone to write one. That is what blogs and columns are for, apparently, as well as bathroom stalls and seatbacks in NBA arenas. They are proving grounds for conspiracy theories and formulas. And the arenas, my friends, are where you will be booing when the commish announces that your team will be selecting somebody you didn't want in the first place (Sacramento...ahem...New York, again...ahem). That's the way things go when you, the fan, have no control over what boneheaded move your GM (Minnesota) makes, especially when he sends your only superstar packing in place of a slew of wannabes and some future draft picks.

So here then is your 2007 lottery, provided someone doesn't blow up one particular arena to smithereens in the process. Enjoy.

1. Portland, Greg Oden, C, Ohio State. The Blazers all but announced last night that they would be taking this 7'0" manchild and even let the media know. Thanks, that makes our jobs so much easier knowing we don't have to do the leg work on something. For those of you without a television set, Oden basically played on CBS every other weekend so if you don't know him, you should not be reading this preview. Otherwise Oden enjoys skateboarding (seriously!) and playing video games. Bet Kevin Pritchard is quaking in his boots knowing how easy it would be for Oden to get hurt on a skateboard. Oof. Sam Bowie all over again...

2. Seattle, Kevin Durant, PF, Texas. Given that Seattle is probably going to be in Oklahoma City next year let's just cut the mularkey here and say that we know another given: Durant is the BEST player to come out of this class. His workouts were the best, his numbers last season were better than Oden and his upside reminds people of another power forward who can play anything, and that is Magic Johnson. That's no small feat, considering Durant had just one year of college and still won Player of the Year honors, which is another thing Oden didn't do.

3. Atlanta, Al Horford, SF/PF, Florida. There could be some wheelin' and dealin' at this spot, so I'm not confident enough to go out on a limb and say the Hawks WILL take Horford at No.3. Of course Atlanta has a history of stinking things up faster than an Alabama outhouse during drafts, so they may take Horford and pass up on Mike Conley, the best point guard available, which would be right up their alley.

4. Memphis, Mike Conley Jr., PG, Ohio State. Remember last year about this time in the 2006 NBA Draft? That's right; everything went haywire, with Portland making more deals than Donald Trump at the Miss USA Pageant. And that's precisely what happens here, with Memphis all but professing its love for another kind of point guard, Mo Williams and Conley becoming sloppy seconds. But Memphis doesn't have enough in its arsenal of players to be swapping for Williams and so Conley, in essence, becomes bottom bitch in this year's version of "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp". Conley is headed for Milwaukee, where he'll be zipping passes to Bogut, guzzling brewskis and stepping out of Oden's gargantuan shadow.

5. Boston, Yi Jianlian, SF/PF, China. This has got to be the first time in a long time that a player from another country has not gone in the top four. But that's because Oden is a freak of nature and Durant could possibly be the reincarnation of Magic Johnson. And Yi could have seen his name plummet to the depths if it weren't for that pesky thing the NBA did (like banning all high-schoolers from entering the draft), which invariably helped his cause. That is, making a pile of money before anyone actually has seen him play. It's a great concept, but apparently Danny Ainge, the Celts GM thinks the sun rises and sets on Yi. In a possible plot twist, this pick could be dealt for somebody like Kevin Garnett, though reports say that's bogus.

6. Milwaukee, Corey Brewer, SF, Florida. The second Gator goes bye-bye, but the irony about this pick is it could be flip-flopped with Atlanta's and Brewer could end up in the Durty Durty. That's basically how things went down last year, though the picks were higher and lower in the draft, respectively. If the Bucks keep Brewer, then they have an athletic three would does all the little things.

7. Minnesota, Acie Law IV, PG, Texas A&M. The Wolves are making this pick-up so they can send it to Hotlanta in what will be a totally bizarre but somewhat expected beginning to the 2007 NBA draft proceedings. In the end they are looking for the things Portland was looking for last year; lots of really good (not great) potential players who can fill up stat sheets. Plus, they're unloading Kevin Garnett and so they believe nobody is taking the guy they are coveting, anyway, at No. 11, which is where they will be picking thanks to the trade with Atlanta. For those at home who are still counting (and not jamming Visine into bloodshot eyes) that's No. 3 for No.11 and No. 7 for aw...who cares, anyway?

8. Charlotte, Joakim Noah, PF/C, Florida. You're probably asking yourself, why are they going for Noah? The answer is simple. He's a hard-worker, and would go nicely alongside Emeka Okafor at the four. Also, Michael Jordan is now running the show, somewhat. So though the Bobcats are crap when it comes to fan support look for His Airness to pump up the faithful and infuse some excitement into the team in the very near future. And it starts right here. That way Jordan's job doesn't become excrement.

9. Chicago, Jeff Green, SF, Georgetown. The Bulls will be P.O.'d that Brewer is gone, since they are looking for a three who can fill it up. Even though Green played for John Thompson III (you know, the Princeton coach and son of Big John, Hoya coaching legend and ESPN analyst du jour) for a while, the boy can still score baskets. He's exactly what the Bulls need...and Brandan Wright begins his freefall, as predicted, where not even His Airness can save him. And then everything could go kablooey in a good way and Kobe could be coming to the Windy City, though not bloody likely.

10. Sacramento, Javaris Crittenden, PG, Georgia Tech. The Kings are going to (surprise!) throw a wrench into today's proceedings and select Javaris well before his time. The reason is because Mike Bibby is going to be dealt by July 1, leaving a rather large hole at a leadership position. Crittenton is mentioned in several good draft sources as being the second sure-fire pick to have NBA success behind only Kevin Durant. The other thing Sacto might do is try to move up, perhaps to Memphis' spot and nab Mike Conley Jr. The Grizzlies would then get Javaris AND Mike Bibby. It would be seen as a win-win situation, you see. And the Kings could use Conley as their stepping stone to Sin City, where everyone knows they're headed, anyhow, just as soon as the Maloof brothers figure out how to get out of that pesky lease.

11. Atlanta, Spencer Hawes, C, Washington. Ah, so that's what Minnesota was trying to do! Those sneaky devils!! Hawes is the best darned player in the draft, by golly...and Kevin McHale should know...right? Right??? Oh, nobody's listening. In fact we hear McHale's jumping on a plane to Bermuda this very moment, escaping the hordes of Wolves fans. And the Hawks still get Acie Law. Get it?

12. Philadelphia, Brandan Wright, PF, North Carolina. At this moment the 76ers are hugging everybody in sight and Andre Miller, their venerable point guard is thrusting his fist into the soggy Philly air. Yes, Brandan Wright free-fell like a downed pigeon too full to fly and too weary to say much. There will be tears, but they will be followed by tears of joy, since A. He's not going to Charlotte, where he'd lose and B. He's not headed to Hotlanta, where he'd, uh, lose some more. Though Wright doesn't know it, he has spared himself some heartache in return for a team who may just make the playoffs. He fills a huge hole in Philly and his supporting cast (Miller, Korver, Iguodala, himself and Dalembert) aren't bad either.

13. New Orleans, Nick Young, SG, USC. The Hornets are in dire need of a good two-guard and Young fills that need, paired with Chris Paul. Plus Young's coach Tim Floyd also did time at UNO, so U NO he talked to Young about playing there. Yes, I know it was a bad joke. Deal with it.

14. Los Angeles Clippers, Julian Wright, SF, Kansas. And the Clippers take Julian Wright, the 14^th and final lottery pick, from Kansas. Frankie Muniz is seen leaping from his Staples Center chair and taken away by security. Thus ends my preview of the 2007 NBA Draft lottery. And later today you'll see how many of these picks become reality.