2008 Grammy Awards: A Cynic's Review

And the Grammy goes to....once again, so echoed those long awaited words during last night's 50th Annual Grammy Awards. Hosted by well, really, no one, the event marked a culmination of the seemingly tireless efforts and hard work of the music industry's entire creative community.

As I turned on the tube, I was overwhelmed by the awesome presence of the "filled to the brim" auditorium. Dressed to the nines, lovely ladies and dapper dudes pranced around the stage in their finest Versace gowns and 3-piece suits, smiling ever so precociously as the cameras rolled.

While the biggest stars in music made their appearance on national television, the only thing I could seem to muster up as far as an opinion goes, was, "so, this is what they consider music these days!" Although the opening performance, included as Prince later stated, a "150 year old Frank Sinatra" and beautiful Alicia Keyes in a whimsical duet, Learning the Blues, I felt sadly disappointed as I watched the rest of the show.

When Carrie Underwood sang her hit song, Before He Cheats, I had to laugh at her thigh high, glitter boots and her gigantic platinum hair! While the stage was busy with dancers shaking their collective booties to her bluesy, country voice, the over-kill effect was almost too much for me to bear. No, I am not a big fan, can you tell.

I am somewhat of a fan of Alicia Keyes, however, probably because she plays the piano. Furthermore, I was happy when Prince, as his attempt at the "150 year old Frank Sinatra" joke failed, presented her with the Grammy for the Best R & B vocalist.

Something I do not understand is this Rianna person, but I did like her corseted feather outfit, about as much as I like a lesbian bird. And her song, Umbrella, did make me want to get up and shake my booty right along with her fellow dancers. But my favorite part of her performance was when Morris Day reunited with the Time and danced the Bird with her. Yes, it brought me back to those memorable days of Purple Rain and Appalonia and I wondered at that point, what ever happened to her. But hey, doesn't Morris Day ever change? I mean come on, how many years ago was that? It is sad to think that a musician is stuck in the same stereotypical role, year after year after year, but it was entertaining I must admit.

When Tom Hanks hit the stage, I had to question what he had to do with the music industry, but maybe they had a shortage of musicians or something. His booming voice spoke about Bob Dylan and the Beatles, and because their stuff is the musical meat and potatoes that I grew up on, I was pleased when the Band became one of the recipients of the Lifetime Achievement Award. As the camera swept on Ringo Starr and Yoko Ono in the audience, Hanks honored the power of the Beatles and their contribution to the music industry. When the Beatles song, "A Day in the Life" was played, the choreography on the stage was simply mind blowing. I loved it when the Cirque du Soleil dancer did her amazing acrobatics without a net, mind you, to the song, and it brought back fond memories of the music I used to love and still do!

As I glanced from the television for a moment, I was brought back to reality by my deaf, white Great Dane Kota, who began to bark ferociously. When my eyes averted back to the television I suddently realized "now I knew why".....it was Cindi Lauper. As I tried to console him, I had to admit that aside from her hair and the white face that made her look somewhat anemic, her dress was to die for! As she presented the award for Best New Artist, my attention shifted to a new concept, that of Amy Winehouse. But I will save that comment for later.

Rapper Kayne West performed Graduation while fire and smoke startled the stage, and although I really don't like rap, I did find his lyrics somewhat touching. However, when he took the Grammy for Best Rap Album of the year, his speech was rather arrogant and condescending and he got really pissed when the orchestra started playing music right in the middle of it. He then became the brunt of people's jokes for the remainder of the evening.

Next up, Fergie and John Legend. Wow, what a pair. While her soulful voice nearly brought me out of my seat as she hit those high notes, I thought "don't they have people who do their hair before the show?" They then presented the award for Best Compilation Soundtrack and when the producers got up to receive the award, Ringo Starr appeared on stage with them and attributed the award to the Beatles.

Cher was brought in to introduce Beyonce, and I could not believe the get-up she was wearing. She reminded me of what Elvira would look like if she were to become a musician! But when leggy blonde Beyonce waved her graceful arms to the swayed beat of her hips, I was amazed at how she remembered all those bumps and grinds. And when Tina Turner joined her onstage, in a hot dance/song combo, I felt that she absolutely stole the spotlight from the queen. But who knows, maybe Tina is still grieving over the Ike thing.

And now, back to Amy Winehouse. As presenters accepted the award for her for Best Song of the Year, she later performed Rehab via satellite from London. I am sorry, I thought she looked like an anorexic Cleopatra and was amazed at how she could hold herself up with that big bouffant hairdo! When she performed the song, I really could not understand the lyrics, and then I thought, "yep, this really is music!" My only hope is that she too, will soon join the ranks of many other one-hit wonders and never be seen again.

I loved Brad Paisley's sexy smirk and leopard print guitar. Being simply country, he played the strings of his lead guitar effortlessly as gracious fans went wild. I was a bit surprised and sadly disappointed when he did not get the Grammy for the Best Country Album.

The Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin made her appearance and I had to wonder if she was doing okay, health wise. But then she belted out some Gospel music accompanied by the Madison Bumblebee band of horns, and I came to believe that she really outdid herself, once again.

Foo Fighters is yet another band that I just can't seem to fathom! When the album Echoes, Silence, Faces and Grace received the award for Best Rock Album of the year, I could only thank God they did not all give speeches. One was bad enough from front man, Dave Grohl. As they shimmied off the stage, I could not stop myself from thinking about Creed and all the others like them, that after winning similar awards were never heard from again.

Although as I said, I am somewhat of a fan, when Alicia Keyes performed No One, I noticed that her huge earrings were almost bigger than her head! To top it all off, her outfit was simply atrocious. Her silver, fringe hemmed mini and her black spandex pants did her no justice what-so-ever. I am just glad she shaved her pits that night, is all I can really say about that situation!

My favorite part of the show was when Herbie Hancock and some Asian guy performed Rhapsody in Blue with the onstage orchestra. I loved the contrast of the two styles of piano performance and I was happy when George Gershwin became yet another recipient of Grammy's Lifetime Achievement Award.

Andre Bucelli and Josh Grogan performed a duet in a sentimental tribute to former greats of our past, like Luciano Pavaratti, Ike Turner and Dan Fogerty. Although I am not a big fan of this type of music, their performance, done in both English and Italian, brought tears to this cynic's eyes.

I was sadly disappointed, however, when Bonnie Raitt introduced Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis and John Fogerty singing a medley of old songs. I thought that Fogerty was the only one that looked like he was having any fun, for goodness sakes. When looking at the stone-cold faces of Richard and Jerry Lee, I had to ask myself what they were so pissed off about! Or maybe they had just a little too much botox! I don't know about you, but when I think of Lewis, I think of Dennis Quaid playing him flamboyantly in the movie, Great Balls of Fire, so I was truly disappointed with what I witnessed from them on the stage during the event.

Last but not least, Usher and Quincy Jones presented Album of the Year Award to, yes you got it, Foo Fighters. Since you already know how Ifeel about them, I will not elaborate further.

Although I realize that music should not move along a static course, I do not understand how those that pick up a guitar, while having minimal talent, can call themselves rock stars. When I think of listening to really good music, I think of Dylan, Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple and Journey. As I slip one of these CDs into my dash, I sing along loudly with them and feel the passion roar through my veins like nothing else can. While the music of today may eventually turn into the music of yesterday, I can only hope they never sell out of the music from the good old days of rock and roll!