2008 MTV Video Music Awards (Yawn)

So. Twenty-five years of MTV Video Music Awards. And the opening hook was that Britney Spears would be opening the show. It really didn't improve much from there.
Applause for Britney's opening was tepid at best. And, let's be clear: when I say Britney "opened," I mean she announced they were starting-it's not like they let her sing or anything. The opening number was done by Rihanna, surrounded by a posse of what might have been the cast of Night of the Living Dead meets Return of the Solid Gold Dancers.

The program was hosted by Russell Brand, a bed-headed Brit who begged the audience to vote for Barrack Obama and created the slogan "use a condom or become Republican" about the father of Sarah Palin's grandchild to be, who he pointed out was merely an anonymous lad having unprotected sex one minute and found himself on the way to the Republican Convention the next. If the show had a memorable moment, that might have been it.

The format definitely catered to channel surfers and short attention spans, providing constant forward promotions with time checks--"The Jonas Brothers perform their brand new song 'Lovebug' in 9 minutes,"or "The award for Best Male Video is coming up in 5 minutes"--and multiple choice quizzes onscreen throughout the broadcast.

Demi Moore was on hand to represent the over forty crowd, folks who could remember the first VMA awards, lo those 25 years ago-cause I can't imagine why else she was there. Seriously. Demi Moore. Following Demi was a performance by the Jonas Brothers. I wanted to dig that crazy Lovebug song they were singing like the hoards of screaming young girls obviously did, but I just kept thinking, Demi has kids their age-hell, they even look a little like Demi's kids. The fact that Demi used to date kids their age didn't seem to help either. Timing is everything, I guess.

Michael Phelps was there to introduce one of the artists he listened to on his iPod in Beijing, Lil' Wayne, who hit the stage with T-Pain and later picked up the award for Best Hip Hop Video. That was kind of cool, but mostly for Michael Phelps.

The graphics might have been meant to look retro, but most of them just came off tired. Christina Aguilerra rocked the stage a little and Paramore had the good fortune to see some energy performing their number live from Whiskey-A-Go-Go, but overall it was pretty flat. The speeches: dull. With the exception of Tokio Hotel--who specifically said they did not want to thank God or their producers, but their fans exclusively-every single artist thanked God, family and fans, pretty much in that order (Yawn). Twenty-five years ago MTV was cutting edge, music videos on television was a hot concept. Fast forward to hours of teen soaps and faux reality, neither new nor innovative. Anniversary, maybe, but here was nothing here to celebrate tonight. Highlights? I got nothin'.

Best Female Video - Britney Spears - "Piece of Me"

Best Male Video - Chris Brown - "With You"

Best Dancing in a Video - The Pussycat Dolls - "When I Grow Up"

Best Rock Video - Linkin Park - "Shadow of the Day"

Best Hip Hop Video - Lil' Wayne - "Lollipop"

Best New Artist - Tokio Hotel - "Ready, Set, Go"

Best Pop Video - Britney Spears - "Piece of Me"

Video of the Year - Britney Spears - "Piece of Me"