2010: the Good, the Bad, and the Frustrating

2010 was supposed to be a great year. I realize that not every day is going to be excellent and without trials, but we are not even at the end of the first month and I feel like I am burnt out and am not having much joy right now.

Mary-Grace ended 2009 with pinkeye, ear infections, eczema, allergies from everything including her wipes and diapers which led to a very panicked trip to the doctor because the rash became horribly infected. I thought 2010 would be a little easier on my little 5-month old miracle baby, but it has not. She has come down with a nasty respiratory infection and has asthma on top of it. Her asthma is mild, but when her lungs are being attacked by a virus, it can make the asthma seem worse and is now on Albuterol to help her breathe.

2010 doesn't seem to be any easier on the rest of the family. My father-in-law was in the ICU. His blood sugar was 545. He did not know he was diabetic. Ben's grandma Angie fell down in the parking lot at the grocery store and must go to physical therapy. Falling down was disastrous for her because she has already had 8 back surgeries. Yes, you read that right, eight! I was hospitalized for an intense pain which turned out to be my gallbladder misbehaving. When I entered the hospital, my blood pressure was 175/89. It is usually 114 (sorry, can't remember the lower number.) I was strongly advised to have surgery, however, I am simply changing my eating habits and feel great, although the first 2 weeks were horrible. Ben's grandfather on his mother's side was hospitalized with pneumonia. He also has asthma and emphysema, so it was quite serious. Ben's stepmom had to have surgery to remove an ovarian cyst that was the size of a grapefruit. Ben is having constant nosebleeds, up to 6 nosebleeds a day. I don't think there is anything wrong with his health, I think the cold air is simply drying his sinuses out. He doesn't like the nasal spray I bought him, so I jokingly told him that maybe he should start snorting water.

2010 is not starting out the way I planned. However, I do have good news. We are still being blessed. With Ben's hours going down again, God has provided several opportunities for me to earn money to make up the difference. My writing here at Associated Content doesn't pay a whole lot, even when I was diligent about submitting for upfront payments, writing each day and promoting like crazy. So, I have been writing at Textbroker and right away I was contacted by a client for direct orders. He sends me 15 articles a week after negotiating how many articles I could write each day. I am currently earning $450 per month just from his direct orders. Ben's stepmom owns a salon and I used to work for her cleaning and making appointments a few years ago. She has been paying me to create manuals for her Material Safety Data Sheets and let me tell you, what a big project and what a headache! I finally finished the books and now I am helping her computerize her system. She does not know how to use a computer, which is where I come in. I was working one day a week, but now it is two days a week. What is great about this, is I can bring the baby if Ben has to work a shift during the day (he primarily works graveyard.) She recently told me that in about a year she wants to rent some more chairs out (get more stylists and charge them for renting their chairs) and would like to stay at home and just collect the money. When this happens, she would like me to be her Office Manager and take care of everything. It is a good opportunity and will give me flexibility, but I have to look at the cons too.

With all these opportunities flooding me at once, it seemed that I was working constantly the past few weeks in addition to trying to take care of my sick baby and taking care of myself. Sitting here at the computer madly typing away and punching holes in the paper for the MSDS manuals, I glanced over to my husband on the couch. He looked so lonely watching a movie on television by himself. I took a few days off and spent some quality time with him. I decided to make a schedule and stick to it as best that I can. He reminded me that we will always be okay as far as money and that I don't have to kill myself looking for work and trying to earn.

He is absolutely right. Last year, when his ours dipped to 26 a week, we were in a world of hurt. But God provided what we needed. At that time, he did not provide us with all the extras we were used to. We said our farewells to what many consider to be necessities, but which actually are luxuries. The internet was a luxury, cell phones were a luxury (a home phone with no extras, no call waiting, no caller id, just a simple landline costs us $12 per month with the taxes), quarters for washing clothes was a luxury (I started hand washing and since we live in an apartment, water is free), we ate once a day and that meal was usually a package of Ramen noodles. Toward the end of my pregnancy, we had a good system down and friends kept asking us how we were able to live on $800 a month (that is what Ben was bringing home when his hours were cut), especially with a rent of $550. We learned to become very good with our money and although there were times when I was frustrated with God for not helping me get hired after interviews and for Ben's hours being cut and his part time second job being eliminated, God was really teaching us.

God taught us in 2009 that we were spoiled. We were not spoiled in the Paris Hilton way, we were spoiled because we didn't realize that our combined income of $2,000 (yes, I had a job before Associated Content) should have been enough to take care of us and to take care of others. To a lot of people, that isn't a good income, but in God's eyes, it was enough to do something for the homeless, for single parents, for foster children. We should have thought of others instead of just ourselves.

By the end of 2009, things had started to improve for us financially and we started to talk more. God had a lesson plan for us, and I think we learned it well. So, God started to give us a little more. Now, I think 2010 has new lessons for us. God has provided all these income opportunities for me, but that does not mean I am supposed to take them all. If I do, then my relationships will suffer and I will not have time to do what God created me to do: to worship Him and to lead others to Christ.

I also think that all the health problems in the family are a reminder to me to not be so concerned with money. That members of our family can go at any time and I need to spend time with family. I certainly don't want to be in the same situation I was when Norma and Linda died. I had not seen them in months and they passed away in accidents. As far as my gallbladder, I think that God was telling me to slow down. Going 70 miles per hour is never a good idea if you are in a school zone, and it is the same way in life.

My schedule includes working when Ben is working, excluding the 2 days I have to be at the salon. I have to think hard about whether I want an Office Manager position. I need to know what kind of time commitment it will take.

I always felt that if God provided me with something, then that meant I had to take it. The lesson here is clear now. A perfect analogy is that job-seekers are provided with 10 offers of employment. They certainly do not take them all. They go over pay, benefits, distance, environment, and responsibilities before making a determination. Sometimes, they do not even take the higher paying job because of other factors. God is giving me choices. I do not enjoy the public, I prefer to be alone. I love to write and am a night owl by nature, so perhaps I should just stick with the writing. Working at the salon would force me to deal with the general public and I'm sure Mary-Grace will be harder to control once she starts crawling and walking, making it impossible to keep her safe where there are so many dangerous products and equipment.

So, 2010 so far has its blessings, its bad things that are really lessons in disguise, and decisions to be made. I trust that God will give me the wisdom to make the right choice for our family and I know that He will continue to provide.