2010 Porsche Cayenne Review

I hate to do this, but in this article, I'll have to do some Porsche bashing. I love Porsche; past and present. I've always been mesmerized by the styling form the very first 356, to the latest 911. However, there were two cars that were designed to be the black sheep of the family. They're the ugliest, and the most unstylish things I've ever seen: Panamera and the Cayenne.

Now, I've already written about the Panamera, so now it's time to focus on the other car with looks only a mother could love - Cayenne. I used to not mind the looks of the Cayenne. But that was when I hated Ferrari, and knew almost nothing about car styling. Slowly but surely, hate for the Cayenne started burning in me.

That hate is there for one simple reason - it's made Porsche a member of the soccer mom club. And that's not at all what Ferry Porsche had in mind for Porsche. Sadly, Volkswagen, who owned Porsche, at the time, made an equally hideous Touareg, and then put a Porsche 911 nose on it. Not a pretty combination if you ask me. The front is shouting "I'm a 911!" And the back is shouting I eat 1000 donuts a year!

There are speculations of a new Cayenne though, and it looks even worse than the original. The first one had a nose from a 911, which was at least a bit cool. The new one might have a nose from the Panamera, which is possibly the ugliest car made by the modern world. Of course, Panamera stole its nose from the Carrera GT, and that completely ruins it. Because the Carrera GT is one of the most beautiful, I don't know how Germany's finest car company was able to make the most hideous looking car out of the Panamera. Of course, it's also a possibility that the Germans have very little sense of style, which is why they just can't find a style for anything except the 911 these days. And that's for the very reason that Porsche is sticking to tradition with the 911. They should really employ an Italian stylist to work on their future designs.

Now, I know that the Cayenne will have an exciting range of engines, one of which is a big V8, possibly shared by the Panamera. There will probably be a V6 also, but that's going to be fore someone who likes to go everywhere at 35 mph.

So, it's not an exciting car, the Cayenne. It's a soccer mom van made by the company that gives us pure speed. You see, if it was done by the British, or the Americans, I wouldn't mind. They've been making SUV's forever. Germany, though, hasn't been very good at making either vans or SUV's. This is a problem because they're spending a lot of money on making a car that literally nobody with a sense of style will want to buy.

Porsche, if you ever read this, the world wants a sports car from you, not a school run vehicle. Get your heads out of your arses, and go back to giving us the supercars we want to actually see!