2010 New Year's Resolutions for Celebrities Wanting 15 More Minutes of Fame
1. Balloon Boy resolves to never ever tell the truth. Telling the truth, he discovered this year, only got him in trouble, and got his family the wrong kind of publicity. And now he's stuck with the name Balloon Boy for the rest of his school days.
2. Kim Kardashian resolves to never lose weight again. She discovered that having a big butt made her 15 minutes of fame a little more, but now that she has lost some weight, she has been upstaged by a pregnant sister and a married sister.
3. David Hasselhoff resolves to go on Dancing on the Stars. He has seen how so many celeb-wannabes or has-beens have revived or jumpstarted their careers with this show. The Hoff can dance--you will see. Move over Donny Osmond.
4. Tyra resolves to be the new Oprah. Oh, she already did that last year, but now with Oprah announcing her show ending in 2012, Tyra is really set to be the Queen of Daytime.
5. Sarah Palin resolves to go on more book tours, aka political campaigns. She already has a children's book in mind, "The Audacity of Alaska."
6. Heidi and Spencer resolve to have children...hoping to use fertility treatments to get an excess of multiple births, and replace Jon and Kate on TLC.
7. Jon and Kate resolve to air their dirty laundry in public all the time, even that one sex tape they made early in their relationship, pre-hair plugs and plastic surgery.
8. Kanye West resolves to host SNL and prove he can be funnier than Taylor Swift.
9. Susan Boyle will interupt Kanya West's next acceptance speech and show off her newest makeover--joining Chaz in transitioning genders.
10. Perez Hilton resolves to join Lara Spencer's show "The Insider," replacing Star Jones, who goes on unemployment once again.
Published by Melissa Miles McCarter
Melissa Miles McCarter lives in Ironton, MO with her husband, stepson, two english bulldogs, and three cats. View profile
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