2010 New Year's Resolutions for Lindsay Lohan

We could all use some self improvement but it seems celebrities are always in need of work. Lindsay Lohan's had a hard year. To be fair, she's had a hard decade. Here is a list of 2010 New Year's resolutions she should consider.

Stop Smoking.

AARP is considering making you the new face of their ad campaign. I know that means you'll be a "working" actress again but seriously that's bad press, Lindsay. You have asthma, they cause cancer. But frankly, you just look ancient.

Consult a doctor on genetic extraction.

It probably doesn't exist. But your parents are vile people who have had a hand in all your shortcomings. It might be an expensive procedure but it's worth it to never be genetically tied to these people again. Look into it.

Find the right prescriptions (legally).

It's important for any celebrity to find the right mix that keeps you just emotionally numb enough to deal with paparazzi and constant scrutiny but not so numb you lose control of all bodily functions.

Pursue other business ventures.

I love leggings and your brand of them does well. But try not associate yourself with a product that conjures up images of camel toe.

You. Samantha Ronson. Boombox. Window.

Want to win her back? Before she calls security show your love John Cusack style.

50 Cent's - "Baby By Me" sends just the right message blaring at 5am.

Stop living off Tic Tacs and air.

Seriously. We all loved you a little thick.

Star in The Parent Trap 2.
M. Night Shyamalan will direct it. This time instead of meeting your twin at camp, you
meet in rehab. The twist ending? It wasn't really your twin, it was a drug induced hallucination. Shyamalan, you're a genius.

Make another album.

Seriously. Pop music is arguably irrelevant but your albums sold well, your voice isn't half bad and the track you released appropriately titled Bossy was actually something people liked.

Keep your little sister out of this life.

If you do one good thing with your year, it's this.

Hire an amazing PR team and get your life back.

All kidding aside, living her life must be hell. I really think things can turn around for Lindsay but she can't do it alone. I sincerely hope 2010 brings better things.