2010 New Year's Resolutions for Taylor Swift

1. This year, I will really try my hardest to not win anything. Maybe if I start acting out a little more people will overlook me. It works for Lindsay Lohan.

2. I hope it works out with Taylor Lautner, but if it doesn't, I vow to never again date someone with the same first name as me. I have to admit: it is kind of weird.

3. I will get drunk and dance on the top of a table at some point in the next year. Again, this should help me with my #1 goal of not winning anything so it's a double-score.

4. I will sing something someone else wrote for me. This will help me to feel like I am not as stuck-up as I think I am only singing the songs I have personally written myself. Between me, myself and I - writing my own Saturday Night Live opening song parodying the Kanye West incident didn't look very good to people in the industry. I could've at least let one of the cast members help me. I'll work on this for next year. Maybe I can invoke Kanye to do something like that to me again for inspiration.

5. I will eat something. Seriously. I need to gain some weight. I'll start by eating something.

6. I have more brains than a lot of the nit-wits here in Hollywood. Because of this, I am going to charge $0.10 per word and have Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears pay for my songwriting ideas. I've been doing it for free under the radar, but this new idea will really get me noticed. Again, this will help me with my #1 item of trying to not win anything.

7. I will date another five men before I find Mr. Right so that I can write a boatload of songs and make sure my new house is paid for so that I can retire one day like an "island in the stream" - Dolly Parton gave me that idea.

8. I will date Samantha Ronson just to show people that I can win anything I want to win when I put my mind to it. Wait, that goes against my #1 priority this year to not win anything. How about if I just make out with her one time? Not that I want to or anything. It would just be for my work.

9. The next time I win something, I will have Taylor (the other Taylor) go up for the acceptance speech because he can take Kanye and I am getting a little tired of having to come up with things to say. I will ask him to take his shirt off for an added bonus to our mutual fans. Since we share the same first name, we are basically the same person, right?

10. This year, I will be brave and put on my purity ring just like the Jonas Brothers. I have it in my pocket, but I will wear it this year. I will.