3 Common Mentoring Red Flags

I am a huge fan of mentoring because I understand the power of connection through others. I come from a huge family and I'm so grateful that I had support as well as encouragement from those around me at an early age. This isn't an experience that everyone has. We don't all have people related to us who love us, support us, encourage us, hold us accountable, and expect nothing less than our best. My grandmother has to be the shortest adult in our family, but she is certainly the most powerful. This amazing women is barely 5ft 4in tall, is the mother of 9, grandmother of at least 20, and she is respected by all. I learned early on that the living room was reserved for adults and guests who visited the home. I knew that the honor roll was the expectation and if that didn't happen, I better have a darn good reason why I didn't. My grandmother is the true definition of a mentor. She is a wise, trusted counselor and teacher. This woman is extremely valuable to me and I am eternally grateful for her example. She has selflessly shown me what to do, has made sure that I understand what not to do, and I look for some of these same characteristics in my professional mentors. I learned early on that there are key indicators that will let me know whether or need my mentor is right for me.

Too much talk, not enough action. Words are powerful and I can't deny that fact. I also understand that just because an individual says something, it doesn't mean that he/she is will follow through. Let's pretend that my mentor is recognized within the organization for being an effective communicator. However, in our relationship, I always initiate contact and my mentor's follow-up is inconsistent. When this happens, I have a decision to make. If I can't believe what my mentor says as well as what he/she does, then I will need to select my next mentoring candidate.

Consistent conflict. In any relationship, there are agreements as well as disagreements, but these differences should be resolved peacefully. In my mentoring relationships, I understand what I am seeking to gain from my mentor and I am also interested in what my mentor can gain from me. When conflict arises, I am more than willing to listen to my mentor in hopes that we are able to reach a peaceful solution. For example, if I am interested in a particular line of business and my mentor envisions me elsewhere, I need to remain open to suggestions. While remaining open, I also have my own vision and am expecting my mentor to help me accomplish my goals. These types of conflict shouldn't be the norm and shouldn't consistently happen in any mentoring relationship.

Limited skills based on my needs. I wear many hats on any given day and all of my coaching can't come from one person. If that were to happen, they would probably hate to see me coming because I would totally drain them! I recently joined a fitness club, so I am seeking health advice from someone who works at the gym. I look to my spiritual mentor for wisdom, discernment, and other areas of counsel. I look to my professional mentors because they work in my field of interest. In other words, if my mentor isn't a subject matter expert in my area of deficiency, I will need to seek another mentoring candidate.

The way we relate to one another can help us or hinder us. Mentoring relationships should equip you and empower you to reach the next level in your career. If you find that your mentor is inconsistent, has limited skills, and conflict is ever present in your relationship; chances are you need a new mentor.

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