3 Most Common Argument Starters

As humans, sometimes all that we want to do is fight. Our natural instincts kick in, our adrenaline rises, old injuries are relived, and words are spoken which are immediately wished unsaid. This is the time when marriages, relationships and even twenty-yr-old friendships can be destroyed or at least hung out for a long-term cooling off period. Especially when young couples move in together for the first time, the fighting can seem to be set off on a daily basis. Wouldn't it be nice to know the most common argument starters?

Intolerance for oneself. This is a rather large reason, and one which almost nobody wants to admit having. It is much easier to tell ourselves that we are angry with the other person, when in fact we are angry with ourselves. It is much simpler to blame our partner or loved one, but in fact we truly hold ourselves to a higher standard which we may not be reaching. This frustration for failing at our relations can be more detrimental than anything which our partner may be doing. A woman may beat herself up for not keeping as clean of a house or being as good of a mother as she thinks she should. A man may find fault with himself for not bringing home a higher paycheck or for being absent during a child's baseball game.

The truth is we all have expectations for ourselves and each other which can override any perceived achievement. It is important to remember that very few people get it right the first time, and most of us need hours and hours of practice before relationships, housekeeping, physical fitness or dieting are perfected. Think of it like practicing an instrument. It does not matter how great of a child prodigy you were, your musical ability is in direct proportion to your practice time. Life itself takes a lot of practice to get things right and to perfect all of the little hiccups along the way.

Intolerance for the other person. As we have expectations for ourselves, we also have many expectations for our partner, loved one or child. Some of these expectations are good, such as the expectation that your child will do well in school. This motivates your child to rise to the occasion and do what is considered "normal" by their parents and peers. This is why children who do well in school still continue to do well throughout their educational career. As humans, we dream big and we want the best for ourselves and our families. Success in life means that everyone is playing their part and contributing to the family circle and their own personal development. Especially when we are failing at our own goals, the necessity in our minds that the other person succeeds becomes greater.

Our lives are intertwined with the lives of others in such a complex mesh that to put the responsibility of "making me happy" upon the other person can be quite overwhelming and put a lot of pressure on their shoulders. We are each responsible for making ourselves happy, and to put that pressure upon anyone else is both unfair and highly selfish. We much choose happiness, peace, dedication, hard work and success for ourselves and stop blaming other people for falling short of our own goals.

Temporary gratification. We have all had neighbors who argued, in public, outside their home and in the street where everyone can see and hear their personal problems aired. We may even be that neighbor. It is so easy to think about what we want now, right now, no waiting involved, no consequences later on. We want our relationships to succeed right away, and frustration piles up when they do not. Even if we have excellent control over our success in our careers, home life and social networking, we may be temporarily failing at our close, interpersonal relationships. That can be quite irritating!

The key to remember is that relationships are like plants. They are either growing or dying. They are not just standing still and waiting. You are either building your relationship bigger and stronger, or you are tearing it down. Your temper may want quick gratification, but the other person may not be at your level of development, commitment or expectations. No amount of hissy fits on your part will hurry them up. Let us remember to truly mind our own business, get on with our own development, and leave the hissy fits to three-year-olds in Wal-Mart.