3 Paths to a More Impressive Penis

If you get the same spam in your email that I get, you know that there are a hundred different pills, pumps, and other devices that are "guaranteed" to make your penis whole-inches longer, visibly thicker and pretty awesome. They all cost a pretty penny, and according to most reviews I've seen, they don't really work. It appears that what nature gave you is truly what you're stuck with. Outside of risky surgery, there's not much you can do to permanently increase the size of your tallywacker. Of course, I don't have a need for these products - my penis is already pretty awesome - but for people with the need for a quick improvement in the majesty of their dong, there are some ways to make things seem a bit more impressive down below.

Trim the Hedges

This is an oft-spoken of, rarely used technique to instantly gain a cup size for your trouser snake. Men don't like to fuss with body hair; many of us can't be bothered to shave our faces more than a few times a week, but giving your lawn a little mowing really can make the difference for Willy. Use a pair of clippers with a longish extension to give the whole area a new do, but proceed with caution and go slow - walk too far down this road and you'll end up with a pretty sparse looking patch of crab-grass. Some proponents go so far as to trim the hair around the bouncing boys, as well, but this really isn't necessary. Maintain this look by revisiting with the clippers every week or two.

Lose Weight

The fat guys in the locker room really do have the smallest units - not that you've been checking, of course. There are two reasons for this. The first is just comparison - set that sucker up beside a lean body, or next to an enormous gut, and by comparison, it will look larger on the smaller body. The second reason is more than smoke and mirrors - being fat actually does make your seed-cannon shorter. Body fat is stored throughout the body. Sure, everyone has a problem area - for men, it's usually the gut - but we store fat in our arms and legs, on our back, and yes - in our groin area. The extra padding encroaches around the base of your wang, and moves the ground story of your skin up a floor or two around your business. Lose a few pounds, and you'll be amazed at the lengthening effect. I imagine the ladies won't complain about your new look, either.

Shrivel the Raisins

Desperate times call for desperate measures? No pill will actually enlarge your little friend (at least not permanently), but heavy steroid use will make it seem that way. I include this as an interesting fact, and not as a recommendation. No one should consider steroid use to make mini-me seem larger, especially when you understand why it works. Heavy use of steroids actually shrinks your testes, making the schlong itself seem much larger. Considering this option? You've probably got bigger issues than a tiny toy.

Whatever your reasoning, a Ron Jeremy sized shaft is likely not in the cards for you. That said, you can take steps to make your member a little more impressive. Do try to realize, though - it will never be as awesome as mine.