3 Secrets to Do when Living with Stepparents

I'm not Dr. Phil.

For that matter I'm not even a doctor. I'm just me. A man who has survived living with stepparents, or was it that they made it through the years of living with stepchildren? No matter how you slice the pie there are secrets to do for success when taking the role of a step whatever.

*** #1: LISTEN ***

This is probably the biggest hurdle people have when getting to really know someone knew. You may think something like, "I did hear them" but there is a vast difference between hearing and listening.

Here are some ideas on how to really listen.

* Don't talk over the other person just because you think you know what they are going to say.

* After the other person finishes speaking clarify what you think they said while allowing them the benefit of the doubt for restating their words until the both of you clearly understand what is being said.

* Be willing to talk about the hard issues of each other's life so that bounding and building moves forward in positive healthy beneficial ways for everyone.

*** #2: RESPECT ***

No matter if you are the child or the parent each of you have experience loss. The child has lost direct access to their mommy and daddy. The parent has lost love with their ex spouse. There are bound to be issues because of this.

I personally have had two-step fathers in my life. The first demanded to be called dad while the second allowed me to choose. Having been forced to speak to someone as if they are my own dad was extremely difficult for me. Years later and well into my adulthood I have told my second step father that if I had a choice for a parent he would be it.

He let me grow and develop until I was ready to move forward with terms of respect. He allowed me to grieve the loss. He allowed me to be who I was while hoping and waiting for more as it became comfortable for me to do. It is amazing how much more respect adults and children receive when they don't demand it before the other person is ready to oblige.

*** 3: BUILD ***

While you may start out as step relatives leaving things at that level is just not a good idea. Spend time together. Get to know each other. The more effort you take in bounding during this stage of the relationship the better the chance that the two of you will build a long lasting successful relationship during the more difficult times of the relationships growing years.

*** CLOSING ***

Following these steps...

* Listen

* Respect

* Build

You will find living with stepparents to be worthy secrets to do.