3 Steps to True Forgiveness

Forgiving is hard. It goes against nature to let go of a wrong that someone has committed against you, especially if the person doesn't seem sorry for her actions or if it was a repeated offense. Nevertheless, forgiveness isn't something that is optional in the Bible. Scripture, instead, commands us to forgive. The most famous passage regarding forgiveness is found in Matthew 18:22 when the disciples ask Jesus how often they must forgive a person who sins against them. Jesus' philosophy on forgiveness is clear when He says they are to forgive a person repeating the same infraction "seventy times seven".

What is true forgiveness? Often we are tempted to base our granting of forgiveness based on our feelings. We may think, "Well, she's really sorry and she didn't mean to do it, so I'll forgive her." Though it is nice to "feel" like forgiving a person, it is not essential. Rather, forgiveness is an intellectual decision, not based on emotions or feelings. As a Christian, we have the ability to forgive any offense because we realize that God has forgiven us.

Here are a few guidelines we should keep in mind when we take the step of forgiving another person:

1. Agree to never discuss it with the other person again. This is hard, especially if the person commits the same act for which you have already forgiven them. If you have truly and biblically forgiven them, you won't say, "You did that before..." Likewise, you won't bring it up again to remind him or her of their past failure.

2. Agree to never discuss it with anyone. Telling people about the sin of another person whom you've already "forgiven" is not true forgiveness. Forgiving should also be forgetting. Do not discuss the failings of a person with others, as this suggests you are still nursing your grievance.

3. Take captive your thoughts concerning the offence. Do not allow yourself to sit and meditate on the wrong done against you. When you see the person whom you've forgiven do something you disagree with, don't remind yourself about what he or she did against you. Remember, you have forgiven that person! Make your thought patterns conform to Philippians 4:8 "...whatsoever things are true...pure...lovely...of good report...think on these things."

Though it is not easy, forgiveness is expected of the believer. Remember all for which Christ has already forgiven you, and vow to do the same.